need major advice *long*

i'm a regular on the boards but i don't want to post under my real name cause it's a little embarrassing.

here's my situation. i feel that my FH has a major problem cutting the cord from his family. i feel like when he says 'we' or 'our' he doesn't mean me and him, he means him and his family (mother & sister). about six months ago we were having problems because of his family and i asked him when he was going to be on my side and defend us. his answer was while you're dating and engaged it's different but after we're married. basically he'll defend us after we're married but not a minute sooner.

he also treats things he buys for 'us' as his. one item recently he wanted to give to his older sister. i told him i don't feel that we should cause she can afford to buy one herself and that was bought for us. he gave it to her anyway, regardless of what i said and regardless that the item was ours. i don't have a problem giving, i'm not greedy. but that was expensive and his sister can afford one herself.

another issue is that he owes his mother some $ from years ago that she gave him to open his own business. recently she told him to only give her back half and call the rest even cause she knows we're getting married and will be starting a family. she's now in the process of buying a townhouse, he's giving her the half she asked for as a downpayment and to buy furniture. but he's also going to be kicking in some $ every month cause she can't afford it on her own. so i said last night that in reality she's not gifting us the other half like he said cause he's repaying the full amount. he got mad at me. meanwhile, my father is paying for 1/2 the wedding and his family is giving us nada and somehow in his eyes my father is still the bad guy. go figure.

i just feel like he isn't going to change. he keeps talking about how he's trying to make it about us but then don't you think he should have defended us when his family started problems for us? doesn't he think i should have a say in things that are 'ours'? i feel like he's not going to change and i don't think i can spend the rest of my life with someone who won't take my side or my opinions into consideration when it comes to his family. i don't know what to do and any advice would be much appreciated. i do want to talk to him about it but i don't feel he'll see my side. tia!