Need MOH help

Hi Ladies,

After 23 years of friendship, and a STUPID little fight, my MOH stopped responding to my contacts just before Christmas. I decided to be the biggger person and reach out to her yesterday, only to receive an email that she was pulling out of the wedding - that she couldn't give me the attention I needed - All I needed was a phone call or two ...

Now she knows that I bought bridal party gifts already, and all the girls already have their dresses, so promoting a girl isnt really an option. My mother seems to think that I shouldn't even bother inviting her to the wedding now.

Any input ladies?

wow wow wow i'm soo sorry. This is not what you need now. I dont know what the fight was about but if you still want her as your friend and still are willing to give her a shot i say invite her.
One of my bridesmaids who i have been best friends w/ since grade school - well we got into a fight for 3 years we didn't talk and now things couldn't be better out of no where. I really wanted her in my wedding and even though we might not be as close as we were i dont want to give up on a friendship where i know what it could be.
I always say give everyone every oppurtunity you can because i know that is what i would want if it were the other way around.
Then again i am way to positive.
Things have a way of working out

if i was you, i want want to find out what happened that all of a sudden she wants to pull out of your wedding. if she doesn't bother to respond, i would go with your mother on thisone, i wouldn't invite her either.
i'm so sorry that youhave to go through with this.

Thanks ladies, for the apologies ... I tried asking what was going on, but I can't beg the girl, you know?

The fight was so stupid and petty - my FH was in the hospital with an emergence appendectomy 6 months to the minute after my father passed away, and I was freaking out. MOH was the only person that didnt acknowledge my worries, or my pain, and she flipped out on me for asking why I couldnt get as little as a text asking if he was ok. Meanwhile, she pulled the same stunt on me, only much more apologetic, when my father was sick in the hospital.

idk ... I feel like this fight was just a copout for something shes not telling me, but I cant pry things out of her, she wont even respond to any of my calls/texts/emails

I am so sorry this is happening. It does seem like it has to be more. Doesn't make much sense after such a long friendship.

Bummer...


If she can't be supportive of you in such a tough time, then I think your mom is right, she shouldn't be at your wedding.

I would just focus on the bridesmaids that have been there for you, and I wouldn't worry about promoting anybody. Just enjoy your big day with your closest friends all by your side, when the day comes you'll be excited to be celebrating it together- titles won't matter!

UPDATE!!!

MOH is trying to make it look like I kicked her out! I responded to MOH's email with a 'think about it', and now, after she hasnt gotten back to me in days, asks me why I told the girls she backed out! When I explained that she didnt respond, she said it was bc she 'was busy, but whatever, its done'

Is it me?? Am I missing something??

I think if she really cared she would back you no matter what. I haven't been there for your entire friendship, but from what your telling me she is absent for the most important things in life.
1. Your FH father being sick
2. your wedding and support needed during your wedding planning

You need to ask yourself what she brings to the table in your friendship?

If I were you I would meet with her in person and see whats going on and tell her how you feel and tell her how you don't appreciate her making you look like the bad guy when she clearly expressed no interest in being your MOH.

After 23 years of friendship...really? Deciding to back out now is Selfish and Self Centered. So...tell her since she doesn't want to be a part of the wedding there is no sense in sending her an invite...she can RSVP and then back out...it seems to be her trend!

Wow Im getting angry for you!

I am so sorry

She seems angry beyond whatever is going on with you (jealous, maybe?).

I'd say lose her, and promote someone, So your MOH won't have a different dress- big deal!

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Posted by IrishAli

I am so sorry

She seems angry beyond whatever is going on with you (jealous, maybe?).

I'd say lose her, and promote someone, So your MOH won't have a different dress- big deal!

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ITA!! my moh and matron are wearing same dresses just diff flowers and doj

That S*CKS about your MOH and I'm sorry she's being so immature. After all of the wedding planning I learned to not listen to anyone else but yourself.

As far as inviting her, if you can't picture your wedding without her there, then go and invite her. Let her make the decision to not come. I'm a strong believer for not making decisions for other people.

Good luck and I hope she gets over whatever she's got going on and becomes a better friend to you.

Thank you ladies, for all your input, I appreciate it. I really don't know why she would have any jealousy towards me, especially after the year from HELL I lived in 2010.

As for the new twist on the story, where she is trying to pin this on me ... I think she is starting to feel guilty and putting the blame on someone else is her little defense mechanism to feel better about herself. But this is not something I'm willing to take the blame for. I wasnt a Zilla to her to be causing the stress she claimed she couldnt deal with.

The whole situation just sucks!

I lost my MOH too.. for a different reason, My MOH was my sister who lives out of state she got pregnant and couldn't travel for my wedding. I had also already bought gifts and dresses were already ordered.

I promoted my 2 BFF's to 'fill' the position, they knew the circumstances so one of their giftsd that said BM rather than MOH was not a biggie and they wore the same dress and the other girls. I just got them each something a little extra and ordered them different flowers. It was fine and no feelings were hurt in anyway.

Having a MOH is IMO important and if you could bump someone else up I think you should. A true friend will never have hurt feeling over it.

Well, I can't believe what I'm reading, I really can't.

As you know, there are 2 sides to every story, now isn't there. I am shocked by how the 2 sides differ, I really am. You're right, we did have a 23 year friendship, everything else you kind of skewed a little {a lot is more like it}.

First of all, I will admit that I wasn't there for you when your Dad was sick in the hospital, and I was very apologetic at the time, even tho I did explain to you that I was extremely busy and I was being updated with all of yours and your mom's facebook statuses. This time, however, I will NOT be apologetic.

Like I've explained to you, there was a period of time {before Christmas} when I was NOT on Facebook, and when I was I just signed in for a second or two, and didn't really check anything. Therefore, I did not see ANY of your statuses about your FH having an emergency appendectomy. You, did NOT call me to fill me in on anything that was going on, so how am I supposed to know that anything is going on? I really don't see how you can blame me for not offering you any support during your time of need, when I didn't know that you needed any support. When you finally did reach out to me to fill me in on anything, I apologized and told you that with Christmas coming up {having a 4 year old daughter and a husband to prepare things for}, and on top of other issues I've been having I have not had time to go on Facebook to check anything. I apologized for you having to go thru what you were going thru, but what else am I supposed to do? I didn't know at the time, and I can't turn back the hands of time.

Once I offered up my support you started telling me about certain things you have been doing, and I didn't approve of them {and I think you know why I didn't approve of them}. I got mad at you for that {and I was very justified in doing so, I think}. Then, the next day, you confess to me that you lied to me the night before and you started complaining to me about how I haven't been there for you. I don't know how you can honestly say I haven't been there for you. I mean, I was there for you, being supportive, when you were going thru the tough time of changing around the dates of your wedding, not knowing if you can afford the wedding, your crazy requests of Zac Effron coming to your bachelorette party {every time I spoke to you}. I was there for you during IT ALL. I tried to talk to you about things, and you assured me that you were fine, that I was wrong about certain things, and then you argue with me that I never showed concern for you about that.

I'm sorry, I understand that you are planning a wedding, and I tried to help, but you are not the only one with problems. You expect everyone to be there for you and to help you deal with all your problems, but when things get really serious with me, you're still focused on you. I couldn't take it anymore. You didn't even bother to ask me what my issues were, you just kept badgering me on why I didn't Facebook stalk you and know that you were going thru crap. That's just not fair. So, yes, I did tell you that I couldn't offer you all the attention you needed {and at this point in time I really can't}, and it wasn't fair for you, so maybe you should find yourself another MOH. Someone who could offer you everything you needed. When you replied that you wanted me to think about it, that's what I did, I started thinking about it. Now, I made you aware that I was very busy, going thru a lot of things, and I would get back to you as soon as I could. Then, I see that someone dropped out of your bridal party. Silly me, I just honestly didn't think you meant me. Don't ask me why I didn't, I just didn't. I assumed it was someone else. Then, a few days later, when I realize it was me you were talking about I msged you asking you why. Once again, you got on me. I have enough stress and aggravation going on in my life, and I'm not in the best of health to be dealing with anything being added to it {let me remind you, that stress just aggravates my condition} Once again, I am really sorry, but I'm not going to deal with you making me look like the bad guy. The only thing I'm at fault for here is not Facebook stalking you, and not being able to take the stress and aggravation you put on me.

Hi Girls,
Maybe,BTB, you are a Bridezilla, maybe you were driving you MOH crazy. Maybe you didn't think about what she may be going through and didn't care much either.
Maybe at this happy wedding planning time you should be more considerate of the girls in your wedding party.
Don't leave all your info on Facebook if that's the case, others may not be on it constantly.
I think you may be losing a good friend of 23 years who has been by your side, with good advice, through all your seemingly temper tantrums and whining and demands and date changes.
The other girls will find out soon enough what your MOH went through.
Been there, done that,
Snowlady

As far as my FH being in the ER, Facebook was the only way to tell people what was going on while I'm sitting next to a 'NO CELL PHONES' sign. I called no one that day because I couldnt.

As far as the little joke that you flipped out on ... when I said the same thing verbatim to everyone else, they all knew me well enough to know it was a joke. But my MOH thinks that every word of it was truth, and yes, I kept embellishing. Same with the Zac Efron request - Seriously now, hes a child, and I know you have zero connections to celebrities ... But lets not get into jokes that got us into trouble now ..

Im sorry you thought my date change was nothing more than an inconvenience to you, but you know that we got completely screwed over by our reception hall, and could not cover the expenses - we had no other choice but to change our date. But we postponed the date so we (as well as anyone else spending money) have more time to cover expenses, and it made things more convenient for out-of-towners being that hotels are half the price at the new wedding date, as well as a huge shaving off travel time. Not to mention, it was still over 6 months in advance!

Dont you dare tell me I was only focused on me, while my father was unknowingly dying, as well as after he did pass away, I was there listening to all your stories about this one talking **** on facebook, that one crying rape to get a guy, this one giving you dirty looks, and constantly trying to drill into your head that you are better than all of them, that they were all too immature for you. Recently when I would ask what was going on with you, all you would say is that you were sick and it was nothing! Im sorry, my crystal ball needs some cleaning ...

I never asked you for much. Now you have your friends attacking me on a wedding website that I made crazy demands and all I did was inconvenience you. My only true request was support when needed. You never had to do a thing, I did everything with the dresses, you drove out to me once in regards to the wedding. I was always the one trying to make things easier on the bridal party, and it was you who told me 'that shouldnt be, we are supposed to be there for you, this is your day'. Thats why I sent you all the information on the Melting Pot and how we can ask my cousin for discounts at her bar, and try to get everything discounted so its easier on everyones wallet - I even offered to do some of the driving! But no, Im a BrideZilla who does nothing but inconvenience her girls. If you feel thats the case, and all I do is stress you out and inconvenience you, then you made a good decision for your health to back out. I don't really know what else to say here ...

That really is funny, that you can't use your cell phone to call people, but you can use it to post statuses on facebook. Tell me again, how does that work? And beside that point, you didn't bother to fill me in on anything until a few days later, when you told me about everything and I offered you all the support I could seeing it was a few days after the fact.

And what little joke are you referring to? I'm at a loss for that one. I don't know what joke you said that I flipped out on. As far as the Zac Effron thing, yeah ok, its funny to ask for him, but it gets kind of annoying when you tell me to pretend you're a make a wish kid, or whatever the heck you wanted to call yourself, or to tell him about your Dad passing away, or to use my daughter to gain his attention, and you ask me CONSTANTLY if I've done anything to try and get him yet. It's just a tad annoying. Especially when I have my own stuff going on.

Of course your change of date wasn't an inconvenience, but it was annoying that you get on me for not talking to any of the girls about your bachelorette or bridal shower, and then in the next breath tell me that you guys changed the date of your wedding, and you didn't know when it was going to be.

I would like you to point out to me when/ where exactly I said that you were only focused on yourself when your Dad was sick and after he passed away. Really? Please show me where I said that. And yeah, when I wasn't feeling good, it was nothing. I wouldn't make you rely on a crystal ball like you would me. Anything I need to tell you, I tell you. Whenever you need to tell me something you resort to facebook.

As for 'my friends' attacking you on a wedding website, I don't know who snowlady is, if that's what you're implying. She does seem like someone who knows you tho. I, on the other hand, have no idea who she is. But, let's talk about people getting attacked on a wedding website, shall we. You come onto a wedding website, to talk to people you don't know, about someone who you claim is supposed to be one of your closest friends. Like you've said- 23 years of friendship- and you talk about her on a wedding website, opening the gates for strangers to call her everything from immature to jealous. I mean seriously, they don't know you, and they don't know me. You better watch who you're accusing of getting people to attack someone on a wedding website.

You know, for someone who 'doesn't want to throw away 23 years of friendship' you're doing a good job of it. You're wedding was never an inconvenience for me, your attitude was. And, in the future, when you tell people the story of what happened between the two of us, please make sure you tell them how you got on me for not supporting you, when I didn't know I needed to. Make sure you tell them, that you never reached out to me when your FH was in the hospital. Please tell them you accused me of things I never said/ did. Please tell them you lied to me like a child in order to get my attention {when you had already gotten in}.