I feel bad for her but it is what it is. I have to pay extra for my sisters wedding because I am tall and need extra lengh. If you pay for it it might even make her feel bad, because she may feel that you feel sorry for her. Don't stress about it.
MrsKtoBe
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
This happened to me. My cousin paid the fee, it was embarassing but I figured if I offered to pay or said something about it, it would just have made it more awkward.
julesrbf
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
I was a BM in my friend's wedding and needed to pay the extra. I didn't mind - I had planned on it - but the saleswoman (Demetrios at Macy's in the Smith Haven Mall) was such a b!tch about it. She said, very loudly, 'And you have to pay $XX because of all the extra fabric we have to use.' It was slightly mortifying, but I would NEVER have expected the bride to pay it for me! It's my dress and it's my problem. It wasn't a big deal - I know the dresses run small and the bride, as well as two other BMs, were all wearing plus-sized dresses ... whatever. Just a fact of life! But the only thing that upset me was the way the sales woman phrased it.
I have a few plus-sized BMs as well - I sure as heck am not paying for their extra fees. Why should I?
So, in closing - you don't owe your BM anything. Makes no sense to pay for part of her dress. Would you pay for your tall friend's dress, if she was being charged extra for the extra fabric? Probably not ... at least, I wouldn't.
ETA I just re-read this and feel it might possibly sound slightly b!tchy ... wasn't meant to! Hope it's OK.
MrsList09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
Posted by Debrian2009
If she is that much bigger than everyone else, she should have assumed it may cost more for the dress.
I disagree - I had no idea that the cost would be different!
I would call her and tell her that you made a mistake and the dress was actually $60 more because of the size difference. See if she's okay with that price and if not, tell her you'll split the difference with her and if she still is mad, pay the whole thing.
$60 is a lot of money - if she agreed to a price that was already on the high end of her budget, the $60 might be out of her price range. You've basically forced her into paying an additional $60, which isn't fair. I know you the BP accepts a certain financial responsibility for being in the BP but they should be given all of the price info before being locked into things.
dedecakes
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
Posted by MrsList09
Posted by Debrian2009
If she is that much bigger than everyone else, she should have assumed it may cost more for the dress.
I disagree - I had no idea that the cost would be different!
I would call her and tell her that you made a mistake and the dress was actually $60 more because of the size difference. See if she's okay with that price and if not, tell her you'll split the difference with her and if she still is mad, pay the whole thing.
$60 is a lot of money - if she agreed to a price that was already on the high end of her budget, the $60 might be out of her price range. You've basically forced her into paying an additional $60, which isn't fair. I know you the BP accepts a certain financial responsibility for being in the BP but they should be given all of the price info before being locked into things.
It sounds like the BM already paid. Ali, I would just leave well enough alone. Did she seems annoyed? If you could sense that she was ticked off that she had to pay more, maybe you could split the difference. If she seemed okay with it, like I said...don't worry about it.
MrsDtoBe09
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
I feel like it's your choice to make and not your fh's. Is your money separate or is all of your money together already? If you feel bad, take it from your own money and not your 'wedding fund' and give it to your bm. I would imagine she won't take it, but it's a nice gesture.
occhi21
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
THAT IS CRAZY, do not even do what mom and sister suggested!!! I agree with your FH!!Why should you pay? I know tons of girls that when they had that extra money to pay they made it a goal to loose the weight. I am a size 12-14 (trying to be a size 10 by June)so I am on the big side if I had the same problem, I would be annoyed that I am big not about the$60!
Sorry to vent but I just find it crazy that she shouldnt get you a gift etc.If i were you I would not bring it up at all b.c I feel that this girl would not like to talk about it. If you even suggest it i think its even more humiliating!
Take her out for dinner and movie, do something one on one and I think she would like it better than $60
PROBM
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
Posted by oldfriendoflive
I feel bad for her but it is what it is. I have to pay extra for my sisters wedding because I am tall and need extra lengh. If you pay for it it might even make her feel bad, because she may feel that you feel sorry for her. Don't stress about it.
ita its going to happen for a lot of reason
coldasice217
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
Thanks girls...just wanted to pop in to see what the consensus was, I've been super busy at work and the rest of the day yesterday, so if I haven't been around, it wasn't because I was offended by any of the input!!!
I guess why I feel bad is because I told the girls the price of the dress, and then the fee was tacked on top of it. If I never told her the price originally, it would be a non-issue.
I agree the saleswoman could have handled it perhaps a little more tactfully.
She didn't seem to have an issue with paying more, but she was also put on the spot, and she never would have made a big deal about it to me in front of everyone.
I tend to agree that if I made any special offers, it would be more embarassing for her, so I probably will just leave it be. But that doesn't change how I feel about it, I still feel bad and guilty, not because she's bigger and that she the 'problem' of having to pay more as a result, but because I told her one thing and then it ended up being another. She has the money, so it's not an expense issue...more a pride issue now.
Thanks again girls, I appreciate the honest feedback!
flairforfashion
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz
Im also the type to completely agree with your FH... if she needs extra material, it isnt your fault and thus, you shouldnt have to pay the difference...
ITA. Same thing happened with 2 of my BMs and even though I felt bad, I knew I wasn't responsible to pay for the extra fees.
FutureMrsG
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
I agree with your FH. One of my FSILs had to order her dress with extra length b/c she is very tall and I did not offer to pay the extra fee. I understand that you feel bad b/c you told her the dress was one price and it ended up costing more but this was beyond your control. I would leave it alone...she may also be embarrassed if you try to pay the fee-I am not sure how open she is to discussing her weight.
littlepixie12
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
umm .. sorry, I dont want to sound mean, but its not your fault that she is a plus size... she needs to pay the fee and its not your responsibilty to make up the difference. Being that she is the BM, she is also supposed to give you a gift no matter what.
My sister who is my MOH is the only plus size girl in my party and she had to pay extra and she had no issues with it nor did she want or ask me to pay
MLHtobe424
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
OMG I remember that episode of Bridezilla! Hahaha Megan was such a ***** LOL.
But anyway I agree with your FH. Bigger sizes cost more, and there is nothing you can do about it. My FSIL was 7 months pregnant at my other FSIL wedding and because it wasn't a maternity dress, she had to get it bigger and longer so they would be able to pick up the material. I believe it cost her $50-$60. Ya know what, there is nothing you can do about it! Unfortunatley extra fabric cost more $. You shouldn't have to pay!
mimid15
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
Look at it this way....I've had to pay extra for ever BM dress I have ever worn. I had to always pay for extra fabric bc I am very tall, nobody ever offered me money and I never even thought about it. Granted this is a bit diff but I too had to pay extra bc of my body type.
Maegan115
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
I have to say that I agree with the FH. You have so many expenses right now, you shouldnt be adding anything else onto it... While I usually feel sympathetic and my first reaction would be the same as yours, I wouldnt worry about it...
missjones2007
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz
Im also the type to completely agree with your FH... if she needs extra material, it isnt your fault and thus, you shouldnt have to pay the difference...
I agree.........two of my BM had to pay an extra $20 for a larger size but it wasnt my fault...i had yo pay extra for my size too
JennyAPH
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need Opinion
I think you should just leave it alone for now.. she is probably a little embarrassed by it and by you saying you will pay the extra for her (and her only) might only make it worse. If it really bothers you though you can always just ask her.. tell her that you feel bad that you told her it was one price and ended up being another and you wouldn't mind paying the difference. Its a tough situation
