Need Opinions

We are thinking about having a destination wedding in the carribean. We would only be inviting about 35 ppl...parents, aunts and uncles, first cousins, and wedding party. We would be paying for accomodations and airfare of the wedding party and possibly airfare of the rest of the guests. We would also be picking hotels very carefully to find ones that arent insanely expensive. We realize that some people may not be able to go, and this is something we accept. We would be having a very casual and large at home reception when we return. Do you think this would be putting people out too much or do you think they would like it bc it gives them an excuse to go on vacation?

We really want a very small, intimate, personal wedding. Its something I've always dreamed of, but I dont want to offend my family and put them in a situation they cant handle.

Help!

I have only heard good things from people who have been asked to go to destination weddings. I think people would be in a much better mood, much more relaxed, and would be happy ot be on a vacation. If you are paying for them to be there, of course they would be that much more relaxed and thrilled to be there on vacation. Some people *need* an excuse to take a vacation and get some R&R, and this would be a perfect opportunity. I think people would love to be there, whether you guys paid for it or not, since they are so close to you guys.

A PA I work with did that; she was married in Dec in Mexico and said it was so much less of a hassel for her, her guests were so pleasant and relaxed, it was far more intimate, and it was just what everyone needed... not to mention it saved her a fortune as odd as that sounds. I say go for it, I know if someone invited FH and I to attend a destination wedding, we'd be thrilled to have a reason to finally go away!!

It all depends on your guests and family.

I proposed this to my parents and they said, 'oh how nice, ok you go and have your little vaction wedding and then when you come back we'll do a real one'

Well, from getting to know you over the past 6 months or so...it sounds like a destination wedding would be perfect for you. FH and I went to his cousin's wedding in Punta Cana and it was so much fun. We didn't go on any vacation that summer b/c that was basically our vacation...but it was all inclusive and we were able to spend our 'vacation' with all of his family/relatives.

My brother is having his wedding in the bride's hometown/state- Iowa!!! That you can't really turn into a vacation. They have gotten a lot of 'no's' basically b/c of cost...but the people who said 'yes' are those that are very close to them. So, those you want at your wedding will find a way.

For some people it will be an inconvenience and they will immediately decline b/c of cost, but for most...I think it will be fine. It's the Caribbean!!! They will make a vacation out of it and it will be great! GL!

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Posted by dedecakes

Well, from getting to know you over the past 6 months or so...it sounds like a destination wedding would be perfect for you. FH and I went to his cousin's wedding in Punta Cana and it was so much fun. We didn't go on any vacation that summer b/c that was basically our vacation...but it was all inclusive and we were able to spend our 'vacation' with all of his family/relatives.

My brother is having his wedding in the bride's hometown/state- Iowa!!! That you can't really turn into a vacation. They have gotten a lot of 'no's' basically b/c of cost...but the people who said 'yes' are those that are very close to them. So, those you want at your wedding will find a way.

For some people it will be an inconvenience and they will immediately decline b/c of cost, but for most...I think it will be fine. It's the Caribbean!!! They will make a vacation out of it and it will be great! GL!

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I agree 100% we went to the FH's cousin wedding in Jamaica and had a fabulous time with his whole family!! it was nice to relax together and have an amazing week. we are still laughing at the memories over a year later.

my only suggestion to try to keep it to an all inclusive place this keeps the cost down a little and look into off peak months. They got married in September and we had the resort almost to our selves. it was amazing!!!

Good Luck

Dede is right, for those who care about you, they would find a way.

I ended up doing a really really far away wedding, about 1.5 hours from where most of my guests live. I expected a lot of no's because of distance.
But so many people on my side are coming. We are 36 over what we thought would be our maximum!

FH side though, a lot aren't coming, he's a bit bummed that they are complaining about distance. But in then end its not about that, it just gives them a good excuse if they really don't want to be there. Its better to weed them out.

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Posted by yswedding

FH side though, a lot aren't coming, he's a bit bummed that they are complaining about distance. But in then end its not about that, it just gives them a good excuse if they really don't want to be there. Its better to weed them out.

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LOL! I agree! Sometimes destinations weddings are better. You only have the people that REALLY want to be there! Instead of the ones that are going for the free food or just to be polite.

I dont want people there who think that the 'wedding' is the reception, not the ceremony....or people who skip the ceremony completely. I want to look back at the wedding and know that I spent it with people who really matter to me, not my moms boss's cousins.... etc.

Its so frustrating though bc I dont want my family to be mad at me or not come bc of the money.

Thanks ladies!

They won't be mad. Everyone needs an excuse to go on vacation. If you know a lot of family members won't be able to afford it, then maybe I would rethink it...or ask them if it would be a huge inconvenience to them.

Maybe you could send everyone important to you (that you definitely want at the wedding) a survey to fill out (anonymously so that nobody's feelings get hurt). Explain that you would like to have a destination wedding. Vote yes, if you can make it or No, if it's too costly for them. No names need to be put on it. All they have to do is check the box.

My FH and I originally wanted a destination wedding. We discussed it with the parents and all were supportive, my sister and his siblings wanted to go too! the only thing was his paternal grandmother and both maternal grandparents would not go.
my paternal grandmother is not coming to my wedding anyway b/c she lives in florida and is now very disabled

Also some ppl we really would not want to come could afford to come, and Vice Versa... So we decided on a traditonal church ceremony and a party here on the island.

I wish u the best of luck with this! I truly hope it works for you both I'm sure it would be the most fun ever!

Honestly this all will depend on your guests. SOme people have those in their lives who would complain and others have those in their lives who wouldn't. You know your family and close friends best so you can determine best how they will react. You see families complaining about weddings that are even not that far and will have to comment on everything, so hopefully you wont have to deal with this.

DH's best friend wanted to do a destination wedding for his wedding next year. DH is the best man and we love him and would do it with no problems. For those you really are close to then you sacrifice. BUt seems like his fiancee really wants to do it locally so looks like the destination wedding thing is out. I think its hard for her bc she wants her sister there and she would be there but her sister has 3 kids so it would be a bit hard to travel with 5 ppl plus the cost of everything, and other family members too, or maybe she just wanted a traditional church wedding which i think was the problem.

But you said you would pay for BP and maybe guests so ppl cant complain to you then bc hey its a free freaking trip, i mean when do you get a chance for a free trip but i hope they dont look at it like a free trip its about your wedding haha.

Just think if EVERYBODY you REALLY want there will be able to go, and not bc they want to or dont want to. But for example, Dh and i wouldn't have been able to do this. He would've wanted his grandmother there no matter what and he wouldn't be able to get married if she wasnt able to attend and she would not be able to travel. She is 94, has had health problems and was even in the hospital up until about a week before our wedding. So as long as you dont have any situation like this in your family or his then it should be fine.

I think you should proceed in the way that is right for you and FH and accept the fact that some may not be able to attend or even like your choices. It sounds like you have. If you think your respective families wouldn't like this idea, don't accept financial help from them. You would retain control that way--you would have a right to spend your money as you please, as would they if they were contributing.

If you're concerned about an actual etiquette transgression, no, there is none in what you propose. Small ceremony followed with larger reception is an accepted practice--heck, it's even one of those template invitation examples used in etiquette books.

I would suggest not using the 'my wedding is your vacation' card. Not everyone's idea of a vacation is a Caribbean vacation and I think it would offend people to assume so. Present your wedding on its own merits.

Good luck!