Need some advice

Last night I told my FH that he needs to get a w-ring soon. so he says 'oh I forgot to tell you, my mom called me today and found my dad's w-ring, so I think I am going to wear that as my w-ring' (his dad passed away).

I got a little freaked out by this.

I know that many women wear family heirlooms as an engagement ring. But I never heard of a man wearing his dad's w-ring. And it really bothers me.

fast forward to this evening and I just talked with my FH about this. and I'm kind of sad to say that he put his foot down about it and thinks I am over-reacting about it

I think it's great that some people choose to do this, but everytime I look at him wearing his dad's w-ring I will think of his parents, not us and our marriage.

I am so sad about this

but I guess there is nothing I can do, is there?

Did you tell him how sad you are? Let him sleep on it.

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Posted by Blu-ize

Did you tell him how sad you are? Let him sleep on it.

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he knows how it makes me feel. I made that pretty clear.

I guess nothing is set in stone. but he seemed adamant about wearing it.

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Posted by KerriSteve

Well if it is really important to him I think you should not only let him wear it, you should encourage it. I mean I understand that your not fond of the idea but sometimes you have to give a little to get a little.

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you're right. I am being so selfish. I guess this just came out of left field last night and I haven't had time to digest it.

I think it is kind of sweet that he wants to wear his dad's ring. But I do understand that you want rings that represent YOUR marriage.

My mom offered her and my dad's anniversary bands for us to use (my dad is deceased). I declined the offer mainly because I didn't like the style of the rings.

I think that it's very sweet. My FI lost his father, and I think he would be honored to have his dad's ring. It's an heirloom, and doesn't take away from your marriage. If anything, he is showing that he wants to be as loving and committed to you as his father was to his mother.
I would let him do this. It would make him happy.

I would not touch this situation with a 10 foot pole.

My DH also lost his father. He has his father's wedding ring, high school ring, etc. He doesn't wear them, but that's his choice.

If he wanted to, I would be fine with that. Right now, he's wearing a $99 clearance ring from Movado (2 tone gold). I've offered to buy him a nice one, but he is attached to this one (even though he vehemently protested against it when we bought it...)

To be completely honest, we've been married almost 15 months now and we wear our rings so that other people know we're married. I don't think either of us ever look at our ring and get gaga about our commitment. That type of feeling is just always with you and you don't need a ring as a reminder.

And, I switch between my e-ring, gold band, and diamond band all the time. I actually choose which ring to wear based on my attire and where I'm going that day.

This is just me, though. I've always tried to prevent myself from getting attached to any type of jewelry. If I ever got robbed, I would be more than willing to hand over the jewels. To me, it's just a piece of jewelry that could be replaced at any time. Our feelings (and lives) are what's irreplaceable.

HTH

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Posted by suven

I would not touch this situation with a 10 foot pole.

My DH also lost his father. He has his father's wedding ring, high school ring, etc. He doesn't wear them, but that's his choice.

If he wanted to, I would be fine with that. Right now, he's wearing a $99 clearance ring from Movado (2 tone gold). I've offered to buy him a nice one, but he is attached to this one (even though he vehemently protested against it when we bought it...)

To be completely honest, we've been married almost 15 months now and we wear our rings so that other people know we're married. I don't think either of us ever look at our ring and get gaga about our commitment. That type of feeling is just always with you and you don't need a ring as a reminder.

And, I switch between my e-ring, gold band, and diamond band all the time. I actually choose which ring to wear based on my attire and where I'm going that day.

This is just me, though. I've always tried to prevent myself from getting attached to any type of jewelry. If I ever got robbed, I would be more than willing to hand over the jewels. To me, it's just a piece of jewelry that could be replaced at any time. Our feelings (and lives) are what's irreplaceable.

HTH

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that was a beautiful post

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Posted by dleeny

that was a beautiful post

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IMO, I would just let him do what he wants. It's not too often where a man will open up like that. Since his father cannot be with him, this may make your husband feel like he is there. Plus he is a product of his parents marriage. I think it's pretty sweet. I would sit on it a bit and see if you become more comfortable with the idea.

You gals are giving such sweet heartfelt advice!
It's great to see such sweetness on the boards!

It seems like this is important to your FH. Given the situation I would put my own feelings aside and support him. I am sure he would have liked his dad to be there on the day of your wedding - using his father's ring gives his father a symbolic role in a day that is realy important to your FH as well as to you. I think if roles were reversed and you wanted to wear your deceased parents ring you would think he is being insensitive to you and your feelings.

edit for spelling error

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Posted by KerriSteve

Well if it is really important to him I think you should not only let him wear it, you should encourage it. I mean I understand that your not fond of the idea but sometimes you have to give a little to get a little.

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I agree....maybe he feels that wearing his father's ring will keep a part of his dad with him, watching over your marriage. JMHO

So I came home from work and asked DH about this...first he was appalled at my answer (and disgusted maybe?)...he not only would LOVE to wear the ring, but would not have it any other way. He said 'especially if I lost my dad in a painful way, the least I could do is wear his ring'...so, I digress...and if I were in the situation would let him wear the ring and applaud him for at least wanting to wear it (he only wears his ring to go out now ).

This is a touchy subject...I'm sorry you're hurt and I completely understand how you feel!

But some of the girls on this post have made clear and beautiful points. I guess my comment is just that since (thank God) my DH's (as well as my) parents are healthy and it's 'easy' to opine as an 'outsider'.

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Posted by SomethingBlu

So I came home from work and asked DH about this...first he was appalled at my answer (and disgusted maybe?)...he not only would LOVE to wear the ring, but would not have it any other way. He said 'especially if I lost my dad in a painful way, the least I could do is wear his ring'...so, I digress...and if I were in the situation would let him wear the ring and applaud him for at least wanting to wear it (he only wears his ring to go out now ).

This is a touchy subject...I'm sorry you're hurt and I completely understand how you feel!

But some of the girls on this post have made clear and beautiful points. I guess my comment is just that since (thank God) my DH's (as well as my) parents are healthy and it's 'easy' to opine as an 'outsider'.

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I agree and thank GOD my parents are here too! I am convinced now that I should support his decision, no matter what.

thanks again everyone

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Posted by KerriSteve

Well if it is really important to him I think you should not only let him wear it, you should encourage it. I mean I understand that your not fond of the idea but sometimes you have to give a little to get a little.

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I totally agree..I don't think it is that bad...is it really????