need some advice

OK...Im having problems with officiants...both my FH and I are athiests and both our parents are not really religious (but my mom would want a church wedding, but has accepted thats not happening) so what are my options for officiant? A minister that leaves religion out? a judge or clerk? or someone from a the society for an ethical culture? Well I didn't like any of these options, b/c I wouldn't know the person who was performing the ceremony. So I found on a website a way to certify my FH's uncle to perform the ceremony. BUT just learned that he must live in NYS (he lives in Arizona, but probably still has a NYS license) It all just seems like its getting too complicated. So this week I said to my FH, why don't we just get married during the week and have a 'mock' ceremony the day of our reception...and my FH's uncle could be the Officiant? I mentioned it to my mom and she was not happy. Is there a way to get around this or should I just do it without anyone but the two of us knowing? Which day would be my wedding day? Or should I use a NYS address to get the uncle certified? Any advice you have to offer would be greatly appreciated...thanks!

need some advice

It could be risky having your uncle certified with a false residency. The last thing you need is to find out your marraige is invalid. Can you talk to a judge or clerk about designing a joint ceremony where your uncle would do some of the personal and sentimental stuff and the judge would participate as the legal officiant, performing the minimal amount required and signing the paperwork?

need some advice

Great idea Karen. We were in the same boat but opted for the 'dry' ceremony w/ a judge and it was GREAT! short & sweet AND 1 1/2 hour cocktail hour!!! I'd do what Karen suggested.

KGB - who was the judge? *NM*

Judge

Hi name is William Corbett and he's in Floral Park.

We met with him and he incorporated something into the standard ceremony that we requested.
I'm sure if you wanted something a little more taylored you could ask him.

Ministers...

Many today will do it to your liking. And they will meet with you before hand where you can design/write your own ceremony, and they get to know you as well. They will completely leave religion out of it if you request that.

Thanks for all the advice...

I definitely don't want a minister/priest/rabbi/cantor b/c of the religious undertones. It just seems so strange that a more or less stranger does the most intimate part of the ceremony. When my cousin got married, she knew the pastor her whole life. Thats something I want. Or at least knows my FH. His uncle, since the day I met him has called me 'Sobrina' (niece), also he was in a band (kind of a 'one-hit wonder') and is very personable, everyone would like him. So I definitely think I want him there, I just need to decide if I should just have the judge there to sign the papers, or get married during the week.

Thanks for all the advice...

I definitely don't want a minister/priest/rabbi/cantor b/c of the religious undertones. It just seems so strange that a more or less stranger does the most intimate part of the ceremony. When my cousin got married, she knew the pastor her whole life. Thats something I want. Or at least knows my FH. His uncle, since the day I met him has called me 'Sobrina' (niece), also he was in a band (kind of a 'one-hit wonder') and is very personable, everyone would like him. So I definitely think I want him there, I just need to decide if I should just have the judge there to sign the papers, or get married during the week or have him use his NY address.

need some advice

I think I would get married a few days before but not tell anyone. I would use the wedding reception date as my wedding date since that is when everyone else will think the real wedding is anyway. I know someone who did that and the only people that knew were the couple and myself. And I only found out by accident.

Ministers...

You could try Church of Ancient Ways, advertised here. April is really great about putting together a sentimental ceremony that incorporates both of your wishes. And since she's not affiliated with any church, it can be whatever you want it to be. Good luck!

Thanks Sandra

I think you understood what I did want. I did not find it offensve at all. While I understand some people want a religious or spiritual ceremony, I do not, including any mention that something that is divine. We could have a debate on religion until the end of time. The sad thing is, this post will probably be erased now...and all I wanted was for some advice.

To the Church of Ancient Ways about your message to me

From what I understand vendors are not supposed to be posting on this board however since this is where it landed... Being that I was the last 'she' mentioned in the post you were responding to, and as your post began with 'CoAW', with the recent history of nastiness here directed at ministers I'm sorry if you felt I was out of line, but thank you for addressing which 'she' you were talking about. I apologize for thinking you were continuing the name calling of last month. Even though that is the way it reads, things are not always as they seem to be, and as in this case sometimes that's a good thing.

To the Church of Ancient Ways about your message to me

My post did not mention your affiliation at all, nor did I do any name calling. I just wanted advice on having my uncle perform the ceremony.

To the Church of Ancient Ways about your message to me

The post was titled 'Re: Ladys' which led me to believe it was in response to the post above it, which was talking about me, not your original post which was talking about you. If you read them as labled it's easy to see what led to the confusion.