Need some advice...

OK -- I need some advice. I'm 23. I don't know if that's considered young to get married, but out of all my friends (my ones from h.s. and such) I'm the first. I'm actually the only one with a steady significant other. I've noticed recently that I have such little in common with these friends. Two of my super close friends are in my bridal party. They seem not into it. I feel like some friends would rather spend money partying and drinking (literally every weekend) then on their bm dresses. I feel like they'd rather go to happy hour than grab a cup of coffee with me. I feel some get upset that we don't hang out as much, but every weekend they go to a bar/club and drink and that's just not what I do anymore. I'm trying to save for a wedding...I live with FH in an apt and pay rent (they live at home) ....I work very hard at my job all week... I have a young puppy that's pretty much like a child with fur.... I have so many responsibilities like food shopping, rent, bills, work that I take home, planning a wedding... and they dont relate to any of this. they don't want to do what I want, and I'm not into the partying scene anymore. I feel like my friends and I are lightyears apart. I've nothing in common and they tease me and call me 'grandma' because I don't go to bars on wed. nights! I have work! I'm up at 530am every morning .... Anyone else feel this way?? I feel like it just keeps getting strained, but their in my party and I don't think they want to be... Oh I don't know. Sorry for the long rant!!!

FH has been so cute because I've been so bummed about all this.

So speaking of hanging out...when's the next GTG!? I totally need to go.

Thanks for listening/reading girls!!!

It's the worst feeling when friends bum you out like that doesn't it? I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It just seems to me that you and your friends are in different places in life right now. You're entering into marriage and a responsible lifestyle...and they're still continuing on with the fun they had in college- and I am not putting that down at all. They can do that all they want if they enjoy it! I guess when it comes to weddings, that's the last thing on their minds. They want to be single and have fun.

But what I don't get is - how is planning and being part of a wedding not fun?! I loved being part of weddings when I was single!

You're just ready to move into the next stage of life, and they're not quite there yet. Life can do that to ya sometimes! Personally I have no idea how they do it!!!

We're all here for ya!!!

I'm just going to let you know that when you lose things in common with people, you tend not to be as close as you 'used' to be. You're right at 23 when you're single drinking and partying are the number one priority to some people. Because of your situation, you're a little more mature. You're at the nxt stage in your life. They will not be able to understand until they themselves hit that next stage! It's a sad but true fact with friends, they just don't get it. Just like they, you have to try. Hit a happy hour (and just drink soda) or go dancing (make the cover your funds for the night) Invite them more to coffe and over to the apt for a GTG or a boardgame. It's all bout keeping the bridge there until they get to you. I had a change of life at 25 when I had my daughter, I went thru a very similar situation. The only friends I retained thru the process were the ones who were in a serious relationship or married. Some friends fell by the way side including two of my best friends. They just coudln't keep up with a friendship that existed beyond the bar scene. It's sad but some of those friends are still into the same scene six years later. Sorry if it feels like I'm preaching but I want you to know your not alone. Your friends if they are true friends will make the effort eventually, but you both have to try and keep trying! Good Luck, you will get thruogh this.

I am dealing with the same thing. My girls, I love them all but some of them just dont realize that I dont live at home and have more bills then they could imagine! AND that now is like the REAL crunch time with the wedding so close. I get the same remarks about not going out-they will understand when they plan their own weddings. And I try to just remember that.

All I have to say is!!



JEALOUS!!!!! They are jealous of you getting married...I know it's hard not to take personally.....I would be feeling bummed out too. Continue being you...Don't change....You are going to be a beautiful Bride and have a great wedding!!! Also, 23 is so not young to get married....You are a mature woman!! Happy Planning!!!

I really don't think it's a jealousy issue, I think it's just the pure fact that you are at a different stage in your life. I'm 25 and I still feel this way sometimes....my friend made a comment the other day that if we plan a trip to florida that I'm going to be 'the old married lady', I took offense to it but then brushed it off & laughed b/c I've realized I love my girls and they've been there for me through thick & thin BUT we're all just at different stages in our lives and that's OK. They'll be there someday when they are ready. I try to make the most of the situations...I feel like they don't ask me to go out sometimes b/c I am almost the 'old married lady' & they're all single so I've just gotten to the point to make my own plans with them outside of the bar scene. Girls dinners, coffee, movie nights, shopping, wineries....etc. Does it suck? Yes, absolutely but someday you'll look back and laugh.

It's ok to feel this way, it's normal but you have to keep in mind that they don't have what you have, so going out to the bars every night is a 'normal' thing to do at our ages.

HTH

I agree with the above post...

When I was 23 I was nowhere near ready for everything that I am going through now...

I remember being in 2 weddings in my mid twenties and I just kind of followed the other bm's...it's not that I didn't want to do any of it, I just didn't know HOW to be a good BM.

Remember, you don't have to have a parade of BMs...you can choose 2 or 3 friends or family members who will really help you and make you feel loved and special!