need some advice

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Posted by underafakename

thanks girls, i have talked to fh about it and he'll get better for a few days and then back to the old stuff. Just the other day I did and his response was basically 'what are u trying to start a fight because we havent fought in awhile?'

I dont know, I feel like he wont change because even when he trys it only lasts for a little while. do u girls feel like this is important in a relationship? affection?

he has always been like this, and ive always tried to get him to become more affectionate. i guess in a way ill have to make a decision like you girls said on whether i can always live with this, or if it'll make us grow further apart.

---

Hun - really take a look and break down what u typed here. You make multiple mentions to him always having been this way - and he changes but it wont last.

Its not going to last bc its not who he is.

If this is important to you - you really need to do some searching within your heart- as to what is really important to you. All the talks in the world arent going to change a person.

Relationships are give and take.

You also made mention that cuddling makes him uncomfortable. Uncomfy how? emotionally or just physically? Sometimes FH wants to cuddle, but im so tired, i just want to drift off, and not on his chest - is it that way??

---

Posted by jgl

i feel so bad for you. I cant really imagine how you must feel.

it seems like this is something that is really bothering you and something you cant handle. is it as extreme as it sounds? is he EVER affectionate, does he ever say I love you or you look nice etc..? I know that sometimes i get so comfortable and used to US that i forget to do all the sweet stuff, but then i get out of that mode and realize that I have to make an effort. Even though im feeling it,its easy to forget you have to show it

i would really tell him how this makes you feel and suggest couples counceling.

---

it is how it sounds, but i dont think he sees it that way. Hes a great guy- hes there for me whenever i need him, he has a great sense of humor, and is so much fun to be around...but i feel like we are 'friends' who have been together for many years and living together. he tells me he loves me, but doesnt compliment me (unless i ask how do i look)

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Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by jgl

i feel so bad for you. I cant really imagine how you must feel.

it seems like this is something that is really bothering you and something you cant handle. is it as extreme as it sounds? is he EVER affectionate, does he ever say I love you or you look nice etc..? I know that sometimes i get so comfortable and used to US that i forget to do all the sweet stuff, but then i get out of that mode and realize that I have to make an effort. Even though im feeling it,its easy to forget you have to show it

i would really tell him how this makes you feel and suggest couples counceling.

---

it is how it sounds, but i dont think he sees it that way. Hes a great guy- hes there for me whenever i need him, he has a great sense of humor, and is so much fun to be around...but i feel like we are 'friends' who have been together for many years and living together. he tells me he loves me, but doesnt compliment me (unless i ask how do i look)

---

the friend thing is very easy to happen in any relationship. Its a great thing too at the same time, one thing i cherish the most is the great friendship we also have. I know couples who love eachother yes but cant say have this great friendship where they do things together all the time and tell eachother everything and have fun while they are together, i mean yes they have it too to an extent, hard to explain but many times i see others and its different in many ways. Some you see them out together and all they are concerned about is the other one acting the right way, doing the right thing, screaming at the other one for what he/she said, demanding things and so on. Its like when you see a bunch of couples hanging out together you always see the difference. Theres the couple who fight all the time, the couple who when they go out hang out with everybody but eachother and everything seems so much like business with eachother lol hard to explain, and then the couple who are laughing together and having so much fun. That is one thing that does last forever and is always there, affection no matter who you are wont be there 24/7. We all have our days where we are tired, cranky, moody and dont feel like being affectionate.

But the reason why couples feel like they are 'friends' living together has ALOT to do with routine. Your fh wont change bc this is how things have been and if everything else is okay and you always do all the other same things then why does he have to do anything different. Greet him at the door naked or lingerie you typically would never wear lol, how about you planning a fun and exciting night out and taking care of all the details and you'll see that he will respond to that and will be affectionate. Plan a spontaneous get away. Just do fun things to spice it up here and there and get away from the 'friends' routine which is amazing but also focus on the 'couple' part too

---

Posted by madseason

---

Posted by underafakename

thanks girls, i have talked to fh about it and he'll get better for a few days and then back to the old stuff. Just the other day I did and his response was basically 'what are u trying to start a fight because we havent fought in awhile?'

I dont know, I feel like he wont change because even when he trys it only lasts for a little while. do u girls feel like this is important in a relationship? affection?

he has always been like this, and ive always tried to get him to become more affectionate. i guess in a way ill have to make a decision like you girls said on whether i can always live with this, or if it'll make us grow further apart.

---

Hun - really take a look and break down what u typed here. You make multiple mentions to him always having been this way - and he changes but it wont last.

Its not going to last bc its not who he is.

If this is important to you - you really need to do some searching within your heart- as to what is really important to you. All the talks in the world arent going to change a person.

Relationships are give and take.

You also made mention that cuddling makes him uncomfortable. Uncomfy how? emotionally or just physically? Sometimes FH wants to cuddle, but im so tired, i just want to drift off, and not on his chest - is it that way??

---

it is important to me, but in the same sense ive been fine for the last 6 years of being like this, i just get worried that eventually we will drift apart. and that scares me, which is why im having cold feet

and uncomfy physically...he doesnt feel comfortable falling asleep with his arm around me, or me laying on him

---

Posted by Espo22

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Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by jgl

i feel so bad for you. I cant really imagine how you must feel.

it seems like this is something that is really bothering you and something you cant handle. is it as extreme as it sounds? is he EVER affectionate, does he ever say I love you or you look nice etc..? I know that sometimes i get so comfortable and used to US that i forget to do all the sweet stuff, but then i get out of that mode and realize that I have to make an effort. Even though im feeling it,its easy to forget you have to show it

i would really tell him how this makes you feel and suggest couples counceling.

---

it is how it sounds, but i dont think he sees it that way. Hes a great guy- hes there for me whenever i need him, he has a great sense of humor, and is so much fun to be around...but i feel like we are 'friends' who have been together for many years and living together. he tells me he loves me, but doesnt compliment me (unless i ask how do i look)

---

the friend thing is very easy to happen in any relationship. Its a great thing too at the same time, one thing i cherish the most is the great friendship we also have. I know couples who love eachother yes but cant say have this great friendship where they do things together all the time and tell eachother everything and have fun while they are together, i mean yes they have it too to an extent, hard to explain but many times i see others and its different in many ways. Some you see them out together and all they are concerned about is the other one acting the right way, doing the right thing, screaming at the other one for what he/she said, demanding things and so on. Its like when you see a bunch of couples hanging out together you always see the difference. Theres the couple who fight all the time, the couple who when they go out hang out with everybody but eachother and everything seems so much like business with eachother lol hard to explain, and then the couple who are laughing together and having so much fun. That is one thing that does last forever and is always there, affection no matter who you are wont be there 24/7. We all have our days where we are tired, cranky, moody and dont feel like being affectionate.

But the reason why couples feel like they are 'friends' living together has ALOT to do with routine. Your fh wont change bc this is how things have been and if everything else is okay and you always do all the other same things then why does he have to do anything different. Greet him at the door naked or lingerie you typically would never wear lol, how about you planning a fun and exciting night out and taking care of all the details and you'll see that he will respond to that and will be affectionate. Plan a spontaneous get away. Just do fun things to spice it up here and there and get away from the 'friends' routine which is amazing but also focus on the 'couple' part too

---

yeah you're right..we are like stuck in the same every day routine...ill def try this out

---

Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by madseason

---

Posted by underafakename

thanks girls, i have talked to fh about it and he'll get better for a few days and then back to the old stuff. Just the other day I did and his response was basically 'what are u trying to start a fight because we havent fought in awhile?'

I dont know, I feel like he wont change because even when he trys it only lasts for a little while. do u girls feel like this is important in a relationship? affection?

he has always been like this, and ive always tried to get him to become more affectionate. i guess in a way ill have to make a decision like you girls said on whether i can always live with this, or if it'll make us grow further apart.

---

Hun - really take a look and break down what u typed here. You make multiple mentions to him always having been this way - and he changes but it wont last.

Its not going to last bc its not who he is.

If this is important to you - you really need to do some searching within your heart- as to what is really important to you. All the talks in the world arent going to change a person.

Relationships are give and take.

You also made mention that cuddling makes him uncomfortable. Uncomfy how? emotionally or just physically? Sometimes FH wants to cuddle, but im so tired, i just want to drift off, and not on his chest - is it that way??

---

it is important to me, but in the same sense ive been fine for the last 6 years of being like this, i just get worried that eventually we will drift apart. and that scares me, which is why im having cold feet

and uncomfy physically...he doesnt feel comfortable falling asleep with his arm around me, or me laying on him

---

'it is important to me, but in the same sense ive been fine for the last 6 years of being like this, i just get worried that eventually we will drift apart. and that scares me, which is why im having cold feet'

Have you said that to him - maybe he needs to hear those exact words.

If its a physical comfort thing i wouldnt worry.

When that happens for me and FH - we make time to just crap around in bed - thats what we did today.

Have you both been super stressed lately with the wedding? thats taken alot of romance out of my relationship - ALOT. Maybe a non wedding talk night - if thats the case???

I also noticed FH getting a lil pissy and nasty bc he was stressing and upset bci havent been happy either...

Im trying to reach and get a feel for other factors here.

---

Posted by madseason

---

Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by madseason

---

Posted by underafakename

thanks girls, i have talked to fh about it and he'll get better for a few days and then back to the old stuff. Just the other day I did and his response was basically 'what are u trying to start a fight because we havent fought in awhile?'

I dont know, I feel like he wont change because even when he trys it only lasts for a little while. do u girls feel like this is important in a relationship? affection?

he has always been like this, and ive always tried to get him to become more affectionate. i guess in a way ill have to make a decision like you girls said on whether i can always live with this, or if it'll make us grow further apart.

---

Hun - really take a look and break down what u typed here. You make multiple mentions to him always having been this way - and he changes but it wont last.

Its not going to last bc its not who he is.

If this is important to you - you really need to do some searching within your heart- as to what is really important to you. All the talks in the world arent going to change a person.

Relationships are give and take.

You also made mention that cuddling makes him uncomfortable. Uncomfy how? emotionally or just physically? Sometimes FH wants to cuddle, but im so tired, i just want to drift off, and not on his chest - is it that way??

---

it is important to me, but in the same sense ive been fine for the last 6 years of being like this, i just get worried that eventually we will drift apart. and that scares me, which is why im having cold feet

and uncomfy physically...he doesnt feel comfortable falling asleep with his arm around me, or me laying on him

---

'it is important to me, but in the same sense ive been fine for the last 6 years of being like this, i just get worried that eventually we will drift apart. and that scares me, which is why im having cold feet'

Have you said that to him - maybe he needs to hear those exact words.

If its a physical comfort thing i wouldnt worry.

When that happens for me and FH - we make time to just crap around in bed - thats what we did today.

Have you both been super stressed lately with the wedding? thats taken alot of romance out of my relationship - ALOT. Maybe a non wedding talk night - if thats the case???

I also noticed FH getting a lil pissy and nasty bc he was stressing and upset bci havent been happy either...

Im trying to reach and get a feel for other factors here.

---

thanks! and i havent said those exact words so ill def be doing it tonight. as for the cuddling i wouldnt care if he did it just a little, ever, but he doesnt unless i say something...but we have both been very stressed lately so thats also def a factor

---

Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by madseason

---

Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by madseason

---

Posted by underafakename

thanks girls, i have talked to fh about it and he'll get better for a few days and then back to the old stuff. Just the other day I did and his response was basically 'what are u trying to start a fight because we havent fought in awhile?'

I dont know, I feel like he wont change because even when he trys it only lasts for a little while. do u girls feel like this is important in a relationship? affection?

he has always been like this, and ive always tried to get him to become more affectionate. i guess in a way ill have to make a decision like you girls said on whether i can always live with this, or if it'll make us grow further apart.

---

Hun - really take a look and break down what u typed here. You make multiple mentions to him always having been this way - and he changes but it wont last.

Its not going to last bc its not who he is.

If this is important to you - you really need to do some searching within your heart- as to what is really important to you. All the talks in the world arent going to change a person.

Relationships are give and take.

You also made mention that cuddling makes him uncomfortable. Uncomfy how? emotionally or just physically? Sometimes FH wants to cuddle, but im so tired, i just want to drift off, and not on his chest - is it that way??

---

it is important to me, but in the same sense ive been fine for the last 6 years of being like this, i just get worried that eventually we will drift apart. and that scares me, which is why im having cold feet

and uncomfy physically...he doesnt feel comfortable falling asleep with his arm around me, or me laying on him

---

'it is important to me, but in the same sense ive been fine for the last 6 years of being like this, i just get worried that eventually we will drift apart. and that scares me, which is why im having cold feet'

Have you said that to him - maybe he needs to hear those exact words.

If its a physical comfort thing i wouldnt worry.

When that happens for me and FH - we make time to just crap around in bed - thats what we did today.

Have you both been super stressed lately with the wedding? thats taken alot of romance out of my relationship - ALOT. Maybe a non wedding talk night - if thats the case???

I also noticed FH getting a lil pissy and nasty bc he was stressing and upset bci havent been happy either...

Im trying to reach and get a feel for other factors here.

---

thanks! and i havent said those exact words so ill def be doing it tonight. as for the cuddling i wouldnt care if he did it just a little, ever, but he doesnt unless i say something...but we have both been very stressed lately so thats also def a factor

---

Ok - so lets think more about what other factors could be contributing to this. When FH gets into a crapola mood its usually bc something is bugging him and i have to yank out his teeth before i get anywhere with him.

But I really feel that communicating what u talked about before to FH might help somewhat - and also ask him if theres something maybe u arent doing -0 and u are open to,, to listen and understand if you arent giving him what he needs.

Stress can take the romance out of things - in the months leading to the wedding my romance with FH has sunk, and more on his end - i expect him to be captain romance and mr. sex all the time now - bc i live in this fanasty world and thats allll soooooooo not him - he reacts by just being aloof for a bit and waiting for me to stop being a nut.

How have his moods been and how has he been overall in the months leading up to ur wedding? Has anything else changed?

---

Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by underafakename

---

Posted by jgl

i feel so bad for you. I cant really imagine how you must feel.

it seems like this is something that is really bothering you and something you cant handle. is it as extreme as it sounds? is he EVER affectionate, does he ever say I love you or you look nice etc..? I know that sometimes i get so comfortable and used to US that i forget to do all the sweet stuff, but then i get out of that mode and realize that I have to make an effort. Even though im feeling it,its easy to forget you have to show it

i would really tell him how this makes you feel and suggest couples counceling.

---

it is how it sounds, but i dont think he sees it that way. Hes a great guy- hes there for me whenever i need him, he has a great sense of humor, and is so much fun to be around...but i feel like we are 'friends' who have been together for many years and living together. he tells me he loves me, but doesnt compliment me (unless i ask how do i look)

---

the friend thing is very easy to happen in any relationship. Its a great thing too at the same time, one thing i cherish the most is the great friendship we also have. I know couples who love eachother yes but cant say have this great friendship where they do things together all the time and tell eachother everything and have fun while they are together, i mean yes they have it too to an extent, hard to explain but many times i see others and its different in many ways. Some you see them out together and all they are concerned about is the other one acting the right way, doing the right thing, screaming at the other one for what he/she said, demanding things and so on. Its like when you see a bunch of couples hanging out together you always see the difference. Theres the couple who fight all the time, the couple who when they go out hang out with everybody but eachother and everything seems so much like business with eachother lol hard to explain, and then the couple who are laughing together and having so much fun. That is one thing that does last forever and is always there, affection no matter who you are wont be there 24/7. We all have our days where we are tired, cranky, moody and dont feel like being affectionate.

But the reason why couples feel like they are 'friends' living together has ALOT to do with routine. Your fh wont change bc this is how things have been and if everything else is okay and you always do all the other same things then why does he have to do anything different. Greet him at the door naked or lingerie you typically would never wear lol, how about you planning a fun and exciting night out and taking care of all the details and you'll see that he will respond to that and will be affectionate. Plan a spontaneous get away. Just do fun things to spice it up here and there and get away from the 'friends' routine which is amazing but also focus on the 'couple' part too

---

yeah you're right..we are like stuck in the same every day routine...ill def try this out

---

it happens to everyone at one point in the relationship dont feel bad like i said, if everything else is the same all the time then he wont ever feel like he has to do anything different, he sees it as things are great the way they are.

Dont feel bad and think its YOUR relationship. Its funny but before fh and when i was younger and not that long ago actually lol i was the irresponsible one with money, meaning i didnt save and i wasted my paycheck before i got my next one, if i was in bed and somebody called me to go out i would get dressed and go right out didnt matter what time, or i'd call ppl last minute even on weekdays and say lets go out now. But with the wedding, ive shocked myself how good i am at saving money, and ive stuck to that routine, and with so much going on now with all these responsibilities i am so focused on that. So one day when FH said to me, why cant we just do this for the h*ll of it and go here or there, and about not being spontaneous, i couldn't believe somebody was saying that to me. I had to think about and realized that i hadnt been like that recently, and realized that fh did miss that, well not the irresponsible part lol. You dont realize something you are not doing. Everything else is fine and you both are just going along with the routine day after day so you think everything is fine. But who doesn't want it to be like when you first met once in a while. I didnt know that my Fh would like to meet me after work in the city and just go do something, i was always concerned with NO i have to go home and shower bc ive been up since 6:30am and take 3 trains and blah blah blah that i wouldn't do it. When i realized its something he would like i just had to put my stupid issues aside and do it, and i was so happy i did. Even with other things. I realized that although everything else is very important and had to be taken care of i had to also balance and focus on the other things too.

Your fh sees it the same way, things are great and like you said you two have a great time together and laugh, you are both comfortable and he probably loves it that you know he loves you and you are at that point in your relationship. He doesn't realize that you also would like to have some of that excitement, and that 'just dating' feeling again. Its funny bc when you are single or 'just dating' you long for what you do have now, that comfortable feeling and that relationship on a deeper level. Its about balancing and about give and take. Dont wait for him to hug you, you said hes not comfortable sleeping a certain way so cant cuddle bc of that, but how about saying lets just lay like this for a bit before we go to sleep or just going over to him and hugging and kissing him. Its not too late at all, these stages are very normal to go through and that passion can be brought back very easily.

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thanks! and i havent said those exact words so ill def be doing it tonight. as for the cuddling i wouldnt care if he did it just a little, ever, but he doesnt unless i say something...but we have both been very stressed lately so thats also def a factor

---

Ok - so lets think more about what other factors could be contributing to this. When FH gets into a crapola mood its usually bc something is bugging him and i have to yank out his teeth before i get anywhere with him.

But I really feel that communicating what u talked about before to FH might help somewhat - and also ask him if theres something maybe u arent doing -0 and u are open to,, to listen and understand if you arent giving him what he needs.

Stress can take the romance out of things - in the months leading to the wedding my romance with FH has sunk, and more on his end - i expect him to be captain romance and mr. sex all the time now - bc i live in this fanasty world and thats allll soooooooo not him - he reacts by just being aloof for a bit and waiting for me to stop being a nut.

How have his moods been and how has he been overall in the months leading up to ur wedding? Has anything else changed?

---

we are both stressed but honestly its not really a factor bc hes always been like this..though lately we are both more tired then usual, i basically want to just make him realize that a little affection can go along way and that would make me feel much better

---

Posted by underafakename

---

thanks! and i havent said those exact words so ill def be doing it tonight. as for the cuddling i wouldnt care if he did it just a little, ever, but he doesnt unless i say something...but we have both been very stressed lately so thats also def a factor

---

Ok - so lets think more about what other factors could be contributing to this. When FH gets into a crapola mood its usually bc something is bugging him and i have to yank out his teeth before i get anywhere with him.

But I really feel that communicating what u talked about before to FH might help somewhat - and also ask him if theres something maybe u arent doing -0 and u are open to,, to listen and understand if you arent giving him what he needs.

Stress can take the romance out of things - in the months leading to the wedding my romance with FH has sunk, and more on his end - i expect him to be captain romance and mr. sex all the time now - bc i live in this fanasty world and thats allll soooooooo not him - he reacts by just being aloof for a bit and waiting for me to stop being a nut.

How have his moods been and how has he been overall in the months leading up to ur wedding? Has anything else changed?

---

we are both stressed but honestly its not really a factor bc hes always been like this..though lately we are both more tired then usual, i basically want to just make him realize that a little affection can go along way and that would make me feel much better

---

go to bed tonight in something sexy

I agree with denise..

Try shocking him.. def surprise him with something sexy just be spontanious. maybe if you start he'll start realizing that he likes it!!!

hey its worth a try - even if youve done this before, i say do it again and make it a consistant thing for a few weeks and see what happens

i agree you should definitely talk to him. be completely honest about your feelings. good luck and let us know what happens!!

Exactly! Shock the sh!t outta him. do something really sexy. Maybe do s strip tease for him or something along those line. Maybe you both just needs to spice it up and change your routine like everyone has mentioned.

The 2 things I think are key in any relationship is communication and compromise. Without those two things, the relationship becomes very hard to manage.

I've had to learn this the hard way. God bless FH for being as patient as he is.

I'm sorry your hurting now, but hopefully once you really sit down and convey how you really truly feel, you both can work on it and come half way.

I wish you nothing but the best of luck, no matter what you decide!

I agree with what the previous girls have said. He may change small things if he knows it's important to you. He's not going to change everything about who he is. And you wouldn't want him to - that's the man you fell in love with. Keep in mind that everyone's got their issues. That's what makes people say that a relationship is work. How much work are you both willing to do? What are you willing to accept and what is non-negotiable?

Stress does strange things to people and to relationships. Early in a relationship, I think we're much more likely to deal with issues then we are after being together for a few years. We fall into routines, into habits, and they stick.

So shake up your routine. I like the 'greet him at the door in a nightie' suggestion. Or maybe plan a weekend away somewhere. The two of you should take some time to focus on your relationship. That'll help you figure out what you want for your future.