NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

This is the first time I am posting something like this, but I didn't know who else to go to:

Okay,
When choosing my bridal party, I had a VERY hard time.... I have two 'sets' of friends, I say it that way because I lived in Queens until I was 15 and started HS on LI. I had kept my friendship going with my friends in Queens, I still see them every weekend. We have a very close relationship But obviously I developed friendships with people on LI as well. I have 3 very close friends on LI...

Here's the problem, I couldn't have 10 BM's, 2 FG, & 1 Jr. BM... that is just too many people, so I stressed over this for weeks before I was able to come up with a Bridal Party, this is what I did:

I chose all the girls I grew up with in Queens, that is 5... I chose one of my friends on LI and my brother's g/f of 7 years. Easy enough right??? WRONG!!! I still had two girls I really wanted - sooooo.... I took EVERYTHING into consideration, money issues, our friendship as of now, etc... It was very tough... Now let me ask you this, if EVERYTHING was the same about the last two people, but you were a bridesmaid for one and a Maid of Honor for the other, who would you choose???

Now the friend I didn't choose I want to ask to do a reading, I want her involved as much as I can... please help me!

Now, on Wednesday, she confided in another friend of mine that she is VERY upset with this whole thing! I even told her verbally that is was the HARDEST thing I ever had to do, even though people told me I didn't even have to do that... Now I said I was going to leave things as is.. and ask her to do the reading, like planned, but I just feel soo GUILTY I feel terrible! I'm ready to cancel my plans and elope

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

Don't feel bad, you did what you had to do.
I personally, couldnt decide, that's why I have 3 MOH and 5 BMs, a Hostess, 1 Jr. BM, 3 Jr. Hostesses, ha ha, plus a whole bundle of children.

But I say, do not feel bad about a decision you have made. Have a chat with her. And try to explain as best as you can.

To make her feel a little better, perhaps you can make her a Hostess? That way, she can wear a similar outfit to the BMs, still be included, but now you don't have too long a procession.

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

Why don't you have two MOH's? I had a very hard time choosing as well. I'm close with a few of the BM's also.

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

lizlen,

What is a hostess?? I have no idea... and it sounds like it could work here...

novemberbride,

I am close with her, but if I chose her to be a MOH, my MOH now, might be a little insulted We are close, but I'm just not sure if we are MOH close, ya know??

UGH!!

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

A Hostess could be many things. For instance, my sister is the Hostess. She is planning the wedding w/me as my sis, but her actual Hostess duties the day of the wedding is just like the main Meet and Greet person, making sure everything runs smoothly, etc. . . .
The Jr. Hostesses are the ones giving out the programs, rose petals at the end, and showing people where to sit. (Your Hostess could also do this herself)

They are all wearing coordinting 2 -piece outfits like the BMs (all different tops, same skirts) so in essence they are still part of the Bridal Party, without me having 20 BMs.

Edit to say, they will be included in the pics.

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

Hmmm.... I will have to give that some thought It sounds like a really good idea.... Thank you very much...

And they are in the pics, that is a special touch!

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

You're welcome, I hope it all works out. Be sure to let us know

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

i feel your pain, i am sure that we've all been through a difficult situation like that as well.....but i also understand that she feels she is the only girl being left out of the bridal party from all your friends...if there was at least one other that you left out, then it wouldn't be as bad....especially since you were a bm at her wedding, it is natural that she feels slighted...are you really against having one extra BM?

someone else's idea about having 2 moh's is also a great solution.....i think if you 'make up' a position or a duty for her, she might feel like you did it out of pity....i'm sorry if i am making things more difficult, i am just trying to be honest....good luck and let us know what you decide....

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

I will be really honest- why leave out ONE girl? I can understand leaving out all 3 LI friends or all 5 Queens friend, or only asking one of each 'set' but to ask ALL the other girls and leave ONE out that seems a bit 'silly' for lack of a better word to me. I know you stressed and stressed over this and I can understand that.
Honestly I would have NOT asked my brother's girlfriend and asked my friend instead. Since your brother is not married to this girl who knows what will happen there.
I think you need to sit down with your friend and really talk to her. She has a right to be hurt, IMO. I mean, think of it the other way around. What if one of your Queens friends asked all the girls BUT you? Or your LI friends left only you out? You would be hurt I am sure.
So now you have 8 BMs? IMO there is no difference between 8 BMs or 9BMs especially if one of my friend's feelings were involved.
Sorry this might not be the post you wanted but it really is how I feel. I know this is hard for you because you NEVER wanted to hurt anyone. Maybe you should tell her that.

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

Down South, well at least in Texas, lost of girls have what are called 'house parties'. Usually a member of the house party is a close friend that you want to be a part of your day but just can't have as a bridesmaid. Someone who you defiantely want to acknowledge as importantn in your life. Alot of times the house party girls will wear all black dresses to coordinate and they will hand out programs, man the guest book, etc. A great option for your problem.

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

I just want to clarify something... even though I sound like a terrible person... She is not the only one left out. A lot of this has to do with the fact that we are in a friend of mine's BP 3 months before... I was really trying to make things easier on her... I dont know what to do

Also, before I even chose my bridal party, she INSISTED that if I was having a very hard time, not to feel bad about not asking her... I know she was probably just saying it, but don't say it then, I took that into consideration as well!

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

I don't think you're a terrible person. Everyone has their reasons for not picking BMs, etc . . .
You have to do what YOU think is best.
Don't worry about it. I'm sure you will come up with a solution that can satisfy all parties.
Keep you head up

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

I had a similar problem, so I asked my friend to do a reading. I told her I wanted her to do something 'special'. And I told her that she had such presence that I didn't want it hidden in the bp as a bridesmaid because I felt like she would stand out more. She totally LOVED the idea and the reasoning behind it. Maybe you could do something similar - when you ask her.

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

Thank you ladies... I will keep you guys posted...

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

I'm sorry, I do not have any advice to offer, but I just had to add this comment -- WOW, you are surrounded by so many close friends! My decision was much easier, basically because I have fewer friends LOL. I don't think I even had 10 girlfriends as guests, unless you start counting the fiances of my husbands buddies.... Ok now I'm depressed. hehehe All I wanted to say is as stressful as this is, what a wonderful problem to have!

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

Just want to thank everyone for their responses. I know what I have to do, I just need to sort a few things out... I will let you girls know how it turns out... thanks again

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

I don't think you are an awful person. I said before and will repeat that I know you were not out to hurt anyone's feelings. I only thought you just left her out because you said there were 5 friends in group 1, 3 in group 2 and all but her was asked.
You should work this out now with her though. If you 'just let it be' there will be bigger resentments down the road.

Re: NEED SOME ADVICE :o( MY FRIEND HATES ME (very long)

Thank you Michele31, I guess I phrased my first post wrong about the 3 friends I have out on LI... But, I do appreciate your honesty, that is why I posted

Thanks again.