need some BM advice (kinda long)

I don't have any advice, but I do now how it feels to be disappointed by a friend. Her personal issues do not give her a free-pass to say hurtful things whenever she wants. It sounds like she was hoping you'd like the fight slide and was asking about the dress shopping to gauge how you felt about her still being in the bridal party.

I think you should sit down and talk to her. You don't want her selfishness to ruin the most special day of your life.

I dont know if sitting her down and talking would be okay esp with her situation. she blows up and just makes thngs worse. I think writing would be the best option but Im not sure if im going about this the right way and I dont want to be this horrible person that I feel I am at this point.
I have been dissapoint and many friends since my engagement and that okay ive been told by many ppl that this would happen. But I am really suprise about this one.

Personally if I don't speak to someone in 4 months I don't consider them a very good friend, don't waste your time with her, if you feel you must speak to her I would just tell her if you want to be in the bridal party you have to be in my life...otherwise I'd just move on and continue bm dress shopping excluding her.

I had a similar situation and I thought to myself, how can this girl expect to still be in the bp after not talking to me for so long? I don't think she will hold it against you, my friend never said anything. When friends don't talk for months it both peoples fault...she can't think shes innocent.

---

Posted by leighlo1226

Is she friends with everyone else in the party?

---

No, no directly. just knows them bc shes my friend

someimes we just have to cut our loses. It sucks losing friends I just cut 3 people who I was really close with out of my life but if they dont want to be supportive and less drama filled is it really worth it anymore? Weddings bring out the worst side in people and it sucks! I hope everything works out for the best.

---

Posted by Tromsugar2b

When friends don't talk for months it both peoples fault...she can't think shes innocent.

---

ITA !! well said.

---

Posted by Tromsugar2b

Personally if I don't speak to someone in 4 months I don't consider them a very good friend, don't waste your time with her, if you feel you must speak to her I would just tell her if you want to be in the bridal party you have to be in my life...otherwise I'd just move on and continue bm dress shopping excluding her.

I had a similar situation and I thought to myself, how can this girl expect to still be in the bp after not talking to me for so long? I don't think she will hold it against you, my friend never said anything. When friends don't talk for months it both peoples fault...she can't think shes innocent.

---

thats the sad part. she does thnk shes innocent.
nothing is ever her fault. which is why this is hard for me to even speak to her bc there is no winning or even coming to a common ground

sorry your dealing with this.

---

Posted by cMm2011

thanks girls , im glad to hear im not the only one going through this non sense. Its really upsetting but like most of you said I dont want this drama esp not on the day of my wedding and through out wedding planning. its stressful enough w/o all of this

---

i think this post inspired me to make my decision as well..

---

Posted by HopelessRomantic

---

Posted by cMm2011

thanks girls , im glad to hear im not the only one going through this non sense. Its really upsetting but like most of you said I dont want this drama esp not on the day of my wedding and through out wedding planning. its stressful enough w/o all of this

---

i think this post inspired me to make my decision as well..

---

Im really glad that we are all here for each other you girls are the best!

OK, I have to admit I kind of skimmed the story, but I have advice. Right when I got engaged I asked all my bm's and two of which i later regretted. 1 just was not into and we mutually decided it was putting pressure and expectations on our friendship and she would come as a guest and no longer a bm....

....now the other one. she was not into it and never called me, checked in or anything and it bothered me. she couldn't even take 1 minute to rsvp to our engage party. so i had a talk with her and she basically attacked me and called me self absorbed about 10 times and how i'm naive. how she thinks of me as a little sister and needs to show me the ropes, yet i'm the one who is engaged planning a wedding and she doesnt even have a bf, yet she has to show me the way. needless to say she is not only a bm anymore, she's no longer a friend.

if a bm is causing you more stress then you need to move on. they are there to ease things for you, not make them more stressful. if she's a real friend she will understand your decision and if not, then she isn't a real friend to begin with....

---

Posted by J79

---

thank you so much for the advice. This is basically the same situation 'I am selfish bla bla bla' I think I know what I have to do it jsut hurts bc we have know each other so long, its sad

Aww I'm so sorry your going through this Chrystie but I agree with the other girls, the decision seems to be being made for you. Honestly at this point if it's going to be like you are talking to a brick wall I would just back off..you only want to surround yourself with people that want to be there for you. I went through this with my best friend of 10 years (not michelle lol)..I was just tired of going after friends that didn't give a sh*t! I got engaged and we weren't speaking. It tore me up inside but she obviously didn't want to be a part of my life. Until she finally a year and a half later told one of my other BM's that she ran into that she missed me...THAT was enough for me.. that's all I needed! I wrote her a long email on FB and she wrote me back that she was in the car with her boss but the tears were just streaming down her face and she'd call me later that night..I just feel that we needed that time apart to get over it all, and now she's in our BP and not a day goes by that I am not thankful we grew up and got over it all..

So like I always say if someone doesn't come after you when you leave, in any relationship, then they're proving they don't deserve to be a part of your life. You need to matter to them.

def write her an email and explain to her how you feel. if she doesnt understand where you are coming from, then let her know that you only need women in your BP who are willing to work with you, understand you and be a team. You dont need negative energy around you on ur wedding day.

It seems everyone wants to be a bridesmaid or be a part of a wedding and they dont understand being a bridesmaid is a job (as well as an honor). There is so much money involved as well as time and a bridesmaid needs to be there for the bride as her right hand. It seems as if you were almost 'guilty tripped' into making her a part of your party. You could go with your first instinct and tell her you have changed your mind. I know i sounds harsh but I have been there. I have been a BM and MOH as well not being asked to be in close friends weddings. I know it hurts but I knew when it came my time to walk down th aisle, I wanted a specific group of women there who i knew knew me best and will help me out whenever I needed them..and also were not drama queens!!
Good luck!