Need some MIL advice .... kinda long, please help
OK, here's some quick background:
FH has been married twice. First marriage when he was 22 and in the USMC. Out of it came a son. After a few years of hell he left her and married a friend of his, kinda was a rebound. It lasted for about 9 months. He has been divorced for about 4 years now.
We met and instantly knew we would be together. We are soo happy and everything was wonderful until I met his Mother. At first, she was great ... outspoken, but so am I. Very opinionated, but I also can dish it out so I always felt comfortable talking w/ her. I did get some weird vibes .. she moaned when she heard we wanted to get married stating 'ANOTHER one?!' and again when we said we wanted kids. Then it was 'I'm sorry you're getting the short end of the stick CAroline' when I asked why? She said 'we've already paid for 2 weddings' ... which she didn't. She never congratulated us or gave one word of encouragement.
This past January (FH is now in the Air Force) FH was stationed in TX. His mother came down to LI (she lives in RI) to visit her other son who lives 10 minutes from us. He also has 3 children (boys 17 and 14 and a girl, 5). While she was here, the family, including my mom, went out to dinner. She spent the entire time bashing her son. I mean literally putting him down about everything.... the marriages, past screw ups, how SHE has always been the one to pick up the pieces. Well, long story short ... i went home in tears, called FH in TX, he called her ... you know how it goes.
Then, I gave her the news of no children under 12 at the wedding. I have about 10 on my side, FH has his 5 yr old niece. MIL did not like this, either did SIL. For the next few weeks, SIL began talking bad about FH and I around town, where it got back to me. MIL has not spoken at all except to say she will not come. When FH called his brother (we had asked him to be a groomsmen) he said he still was not sure what they were doing. SO, FH decided for them ... telilng his bro he had been replaced and not to worry about it at all.
I know this was probably the wrong way to go about it ... but FH is very stubborn and was not going to be dragged around for the next few months wondering if his brother was going to show for the BP let alone the wedding.
My feeling is it should not matter if youre married twice or 17 times ... that is your son! And your brother!! I really don't understand why they are acting like this ... all I can think is that they are using this as an excuse.
When it comes down to it, WE won't look bad, they will for not showing up. If they won't be there for you on an important day bc of a 5 yr old .. they won't be there anyway. FH is tired of it all and doesn't care anymore whether they are there or not. I know it hurts him, keeps saying 'i finally got it right, why can't they be happy?'
Are we wrong? How should we go about this until the wedding? We are going to send invites b/c if we don't it will turn into 'Well, they never invited us' instead of THEM making us choose. Please share some insight
FH has been married twice. First marriage when he was 22 and in the USMC. Out of it came a son. After a few years of hell he left her and married a friend of his, kinda was a rebound. It lasted for about 9 months. He has been divorced for about 4 years now.
We met and instantly knew we would be together. We are soo happy and everything was wonderful until I met his Mother. At first, she was great ... outspoken, but so am I. Very opinionated, but I also can dish it out so I always felt comfortable talking w/ her. I did get some weird vibes .. she moaned when she heard we wanted to get married stating 'ANOTHER one?!' and again when we said we wanted kids. Then it was 'I'm sorry you're getting the short end of the stick CAroline' when I asked why? She said 'we've already paid for 2 weddings' ... which she didn't. She never congratulated us or gave one word of encouragement.
This past January (FH is now in the Air Force) FH was stationed in TX. His mother came down to LI (she lives in RI) to visit her other son who lives 10 minutes from us. He also has 3 children (boys 17 and 14 and a girl, 5). While she was here, the family, including my mom, went out to dinner. She spent the entire time bashing her son. I mean literally putting him down about everything.... the marriages, past screw ups, how SHE has always been the one to pick up the pieces. Well, long story short ... i went home in tears, called FH in TX, he called her ... you know how it goes.
Then, I gave her the news of no children under 12 at the wedding. I have about 10 on my side, FH has his 5 yr old niece. MIL did not like this, either did SIL. For the next few weeks, SIL began talking bad about FH and I around town, where it got back to me. MIL has not spoken at all except to say she will not come. When FH called his brother (we had asked him to be a groomsmen) he said he still was not sure what they were doing. SO, FH decided for them ... telilng his bro he had been replaced and not to worry about it at all.
I know this was probably the wrong way to go about it ... but FH is very stubborn and was not going to be dragged around for the next few months wondering if his brother was going to show for the BP let alone the wedding.
My feeling is it should not matter if youre married twice or 17 times ... that is your son! And your brother!! I really don't understand why they are acting like this ... all I can think is that they are using this as an excuse.
When it comes down to it, WE won't look bad, they will for not showing up. If they won't be there for you on an important day bc of a 5 yr old .. they won't be there anyway. FH is tired of it all and doesn't care anymore whether they are there or not. I know it hurts him, keeps saying 'i finally got it right, why can't they be happy?'
Are we wrong? How should we go about this until the wedding? We are going to send invites b/c if we don't it will turn into 'Well, they never invited us' instead of THEM making us choose. Please share some insight
