Need some opinions (LONG)

FH and I got into an argument last night and it's really still bothering me (what's up with these guys lately????).

Background: one of FH's friends, one of my BM's (I met her through him), broke up with her BF (FH's ex-best friend) of 10 years in October. She was dating around, got intimate with someone for about a month, then he decided to break it off with her for someone else. She can't seem to move past it.

She comes over EVERY weekend and stays until at least 2-3 am. There are nights when I go to bed while she's still over and she and FH stay up all night.

So last night we have people over, and she's one of them. Everyone leaves around midnight, at around 1:30 she says goodbye to me and goes to her car. FH walks her to her car (as he always does, no biggie), but almost an hour later, he still hasn't come back. I look out the window and they're just sitting there on the curb talking. I text message FH 'going to bed, love you' and never get a response. Finally, he comes back up, and I ask what that was all about. He says she was venting about the guys. I ask why he never responded to my text, he looks at his phone and says he didn't feel it vibrate.

Basically I told him that I'm getting sick of him constantly catering to her, and always staying up all night with her. I was waiting for him to come to bed and I was waiting up an extra hour.

Now here's the kicker: she told me about 2 months ago that 'If you and Mike weren't together, we probably would've hooked up.' THAT bothers me. And knowing that she's felt that way, it makes me even more concerned when they're alone so late at night. I KNOW FH would never do anything, but it leaves a really bad taste in my mouth.

And I tell him all of this and he tells me I'm being ridiculous because it's not rational. I don't care if I'm not being rational, it's how I feel. And he just ignores me when I try to talk to him about it. So I say to him this morning, 'aren't I supposed to be able to tell you how I feel? Then why do you get mad at me when I do???'

I'm so annoyed about this right now and it just keeps festering. And of course I'm going gown shopping, and am SO not in the mood to now.

u r def entitled to feel that way...he prob doesnt look at her like that so he doesnt get why you feel that way...she sounds jealous for like a million reasons (im pretty jealous of u) so i would just ask him to me more considerate but remember he is MARRYING you so u really dont have to worry!!!!

ETA enjoy gown shopping

I think you are totally right for expressing your concern/opinion. FH should understand that it is a little odd staying up late to talk to her and stuff and that you feel hurt in a way.

You should give it another day and if he doesn't come around and says he was in the wrong then you need to sit him down and explain what she said to you and tell him that it really hurts your feelings that you have to go to bed by yourself as he is outside talking to another woman. Explain that you trust him but you don't fully trust her.

HTH

shes a scumbag. plain and simple. u NEVER EVER say that. shes a piece of shyt. and he needs to fkn open his eyes and stop being such a suck3r. sorry im a lil harsh... but im letting u know how i feel. tell her to fkn get over it.

he needs to be more understanding to your feelings and cut the shyt with her. when u say ITS TIME FOR BED, it means she should leave and he shoudl go to bed with u, not sit on a curb while she vents. tell her to call the damn WAAAAAAAAMBULANCE (sorry i had to)

shes not 17. tell ur fh where its at, dont be so nice. what she said to u is unacceptable esp after u open ur home to her every weekend and listen to her bych and moan.

she disrespected u, and she def disrespected ur fh by telling u that they wouldve hooked up. i would slowwlly phase her out if i were u...

its trouble waiting to happen

misery loves company. ur fh may not do anything..but she can cause problems...as she already is.. its only going to get worse

I don't think she should have ever told you that if you and your FH weren't together then they would have hooked up, i think that was crossing the line. There is one thing for her to think that, but i don't think she should have EVER expressed that to you.

And i would be nothing but cautious with them hanging out alone together, because i wouldn't trust her, she sounds like she wouldn't care about putting the moves on him

i cannot beleive she said that to you!! AND its not like she said it to you years ago..she said it 2 months ago...after you are engaged and after you open your home to her. its almost as if she is letting you know that she can do something if she wants

i dont think that your fh is doing anything maliciously, perhaps he is just trying to be a friend but he should understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable and cut down a bit.
does he know that she said the hooking up comment to you?

Wow after that comment- you need to cut that girl out of your life unless she shapes up.

You talked to FH about it...now talk to her. She needs to know that what she's doing isnt right at all.

I'm sorry, Laura. That really stinks. Hang in there and stand your ground - you are right to feel the way you do - your friend isn't behaving appropriately and she probably, or possibly, in some sick way, is enjoying the attention from your FH. I'm sorry to say that. He should respect your feelings, even if he doesn't agree with them or understand them. I'm sure he means no harm, but sometimes we, men and women, might not realize another person's intentions. Also, I guess I don't understand why he would spend so much time listening to her vent - I can barely get my own FH to listen to me. Talk to him and nip it in the bud now. FM for anything.

The h*ll? You are right. FH won't do anything, but it doesn't mean she won't, and clearly she has no respect for you at all by telling you that crap. I wouldn't want someone in my wedding that completely had no respect for my marriage like that.. I'd kick her out.

She's the problem. I'd remove the problem.

I would def tell fh what she said that was completly wrong of her to do. Tell him how you feel and how its not like you don't trust him you don't trust her. Good luck

Wow... what the girl said was completely effed up. She needs to be kicked out of your life ASAP!

And you def need to talk to FH some more and let him know how much this annoys you. You have every right in the world to feel upset.

Honestly, I think this girl probably knows what she's doing and is happy to be bothering you with it. She's prob jealous, and she needs to be stopped.

Seriously! What a ****!!!!! (Can I say that on here?) We are all in agreement that she should have never said that to you. Its just not necessary. She probably said it with every intention of making you mad. You and her are/were probably close since you liked her enough to put her in your wedding party. Do you even still want her to be a part of the wedding?

You and your FH have been together for such a long time and are getting married - I think you can trust him. If FH makes me upset and I tell him, he always turns it back on me, as if I did something wrong. Drives me crazy. You need to just explain to him that you are not mad at him, but upset at her comment and then he left you for over an hour to talk to her without asking/telling you ahead of time. If he had said, Ok Laura, go to bed, I need to talk to (enter psycho **** name here) for a little bit, she is upset, blah blah blah, you might have been more understanding.

I hate fighting with FH, especially when there are wedding plans to work on that day because it ruins the fun. You need to have fun today dress shopping! You are going to have such a great time!!!!

That's freaking retarded that she told you that. I DEF agree that she's jealous and she probably told you that to get under your skin since she unfortunately isn't getting much good response from
For me, forget that fact that she's a female friend of his.. ANYONE who stays that late after everyone else leaves is just rude, period.

Obv. the fact that she said that you you doesn't help.

Maybe flip it around and ask FH how he would feel if roles were reversed. He's going to say he'd be ok with it but thats a big lie lol. As my FH said (even though i'm not sure i believe it), every guy friend that a girl has had wanted to f her. He says that this is something all guys think so..... if he wouldn't like for you to be hanging out with a guy alone in the car for hours then he shouldn't be doing it to you.


and IF any of FH's female friends told me that, right then and there i would have said, 'yo.. why are you telling me this lol' (yo included)

I don't think you're being irrational. If someone told me something like that, I would also be worried to have her around my FH also.

She should have never told you something like that, it's very inappropriate.

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Posted by CloudNine

i cannot beleive she said that to you!! AND its not like she said it to you years ago..she said it 2 months ago...after you are engaged and after you open your home to her. its almost as if she is letting you know that she can do something if she wants

i dont think that your fh is doing anything maliciously, perhaps he is just trying to be a friend but he should understand that it makes you feel uncomfortable and cut down a bit.
does he know that she said the hooking up comment to you?

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ITA with this. It's really out of line that she made that 'we would have hooked up' comment to you at this point. Not cool. She sounds like a huge loser.

First of all, I would hate for you to cancel dress shopping but you might try on a million and even when you've found the one, not feel it because what's going on so maybe if you'd like, wait till next weekend or when this calms down. Im sorry.

So, I completely understand how you felt when you shared how you felt (and in a constructive manner, not yelling or anything..i dont think) and he just dismissed it basically, this gets me infuriated when Fh does this and I always say the same, just because I feel something that you think is crazy, does that mean i shouldnt tell it to you or it shouldnt be discussed further. Yes, this is a friend of his and yours now but I dont believe any friend, girl or guy should take precedence of a FH/FW time after time. Yes, we all have friends Im sure that at one time or another we've spent nights talking to or days with when FH was home alone, etc. but time after time, is unacceptable and ESPECIALLY when she has said something like this. I dont know if I have any good advice for you (but I did want to show my support anyway)...my best advice would be to bring this up again but dont mention her rude and inappropriate comment about her and FH up because FH will think its all about this. Dont bring up that he didnt text you back. Only bring up that he has spent a lot of time with her and make it clear that if this was anyone else too, who was taking up this much of his time (male or female friend), you would still feel this way. Tell him you are starting to feel a bit neglected and in all honestly, a little lonely at night when hes not there. If they are so close, he shouldnt have a problem just making a small comment almost in a joking way to her that he needs to get going to spend time with his FW or he will be the one with girl problems.

About her comment, talking to him about it wont help unfortunately because hes going to basically say, its not my fault she said that and just because she feels that way doesnt mean shes going to do anything. It will just get you so mad that hes missing the point that you just feel it was rude for her to even announce that to you. I wouldnt do anything about it for now but if she says anything eluding to it again, I would just stop her and say, I understand that you feel like that and that's fine but if makes me uncomfortable to talk about that since Im marrying him...'Im sure you could understand that you wouldnt want to discuss a subject about your boyfriend or husband with another woman, even if it was theoretical.'

Good luck hun!

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Posted by grkbarbie

shes a scumbag. plain and simple. u NEVER EVER say that. shes a piece of shyt. and he needs to fkn open his eyes and stop being such a suck3r. sorry im a lil harsh... but im letting u know how i feel. tell her to fkn get over it.

he needs to be more understanding to your feelings and cut the shyt with her. when u say ITS TIME FOR BED, it means she should leave and he shoudl go to bed with u, not sit on a curb while she vents. tell her to call the damn WAAAAAAAAMBULANCE (sorry i had to)

shes not 17. tell ur fh where its at, dont be so nice. what she said to u is unacceptable esp after u open ur home to her every weekend and listen to her bych and moan.

she disrespected u, and she def disrespected ur fh by telling u that they wouldve hooked up. i would slowwlly phase her out if i were u...

its trouble waiting to happen

misery loves company. ur fh may not do anything..but she can cause problems...as she already is.. its only going to get worse

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ITA with this - unreal - she obviously wants him and is trying to get with him in my opionin