Girls I'm having a little trouble and I wanted to know if I'm the only one feeling like this. My FH just got a great new job almost two months ago. He wants to become the owner of his own business and this job will get him there. The only downfall is that now he's never home. He leaves the house everyday monday through saturday and sometimes sundays by 7 am and doesnt get home till 7/8 sometimes later like 10 or so. If he does get home around 8 or so he's asleep by like 9ish because he's soo tired. Next week he's taking a business trip so he won't be around Tuesday night until Saturday night. I love him so much and I want him to succeed and follow his dream but I also miss him. We used to do everything together and now I do it all - cleaning, laundry, shopping, u name it. He really loves this place and I am happy that he's happy, I just wish I had more time with him. I am being selfish. I mean even when I get home he has to go to his computer and do some work or do paperwork for a little while to finish for the day and get ready for the next day. I'm so happy that he's happy but yet I miss him soooooooo much. I work too and go to school but i'm always home between 6 and 7, earlier if I have no school and then I find I have to fill up my day so that i'm not waiting home everyday till he gets home. I hope I don't sound pathetic I'm just being honest that I miss him. What do you girls think? I need advice
Rach22
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Re: need to vent
the best thing to do is communicate with him about how you feel. his hours and job demands may not change, but if he is aware of how this is affecting you, he may make more of an effort to do things with you when he is home. just think that this is temporary and that when he owns his own business, he may have more control over his hours. regarding doing house chores solo-definitely talk to him about a compromise. i feel like that too, sometimes but the best thing to do is to figure out what he has time to do so that you're not doing everything yourself. i hope that helps! good luck
Ser29
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Re: need to vent
thanks- yea i've talked to him about it and he just says but don't you want me to be successful and I say yes of course I do but that doesnt mean that I don't still miss you. We're right in the middle of planning and booking vendors and now I have to move all the appointments to Sunday because that is our only day together, well afternoons because he sometimes works sunday mornings. As for cleaning, he's too tired when he gets home so lately if I don't do it it doesn't get done. I just miss the time we used to have together - he tells me to spend this time hanging out with my friends who I don't get to see often but they have their own lives and are sometime hard to get in touch with.
giapet99
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Re: need to vent
I would tell him that your glad he's doing what makes him happy but you need to really spend time with him, maybe he can do something so that on Saturdays he can spend the day with you. Does he know how long this schedule is going to last for. Maybe it's just like this until he gets set in this new job
werock0709
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Re: need to vent
You have FM mail.
weddingbunny
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Re: need to vent
I know exactly how you feel. My FHs job has him working very odd hours, and makes it hard for me to spend time with him when I want to. Several times he has had to cancel on me when he was supposed to be spending time with me. We don't live together, which makes it harder, but I used to at least be able to get a good phone call in every night, now most of the time I barely get 5 minutes. He was supposed to come over last night and couldn't, he couldn't spend New Year's Eve with me, and starting soon he will be having his 'weekends' in the middle of the week, so I really don't know how we're ever going to get enough time together.
I can't help but feel a little bitter and miss him a lot. Thing is, of course I want him to be happy, and of course I want him to achieve his dreams, but I also want ME to be happy, and this job of his is going to make it damn near impossible for me to have the kind of marriage I always dreamed of, where he is home for dinner every evening, and we cook together and do all the housework together, and then curl up and go to bed together and wake up next to each other in the morning. I'm going to be spending a lot of my time alone in an empty house. And I can't help but be kind of upset by that. It's something I'm going to have to learn to deal with. But I don't think being upset by it is at all selfish - and I think it would be unfair for either of our FHs to say that it is. Just because we want them to be happy doesn't mean it's easy for us to deal with the path they take to that happiness and the effects it has on our own lives.
lilred13
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Re: need to vent
I'm with you girls. My FH is the foreman of his company and does side work for extra cash so basically he works almost 7 days a week probably 70 hours a week. He is hardly ever home so I had many conversations with him about it and he understands. We make a few times a month to just go out to dinner or just be together. I undertand his schedule and we nned the money but it does put stress on the relationship. Everything will work out and you are not being selfish. try to make a couple of nights a month for yourselves and it will help. I have been dealing with this for about 2 years and you just learn to deal with it and treasure the time you do spend together.
Ser29
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Re: need to vent
thank you girls for the advice and making me feel not so alone in the world. I have talked to him about it several time and he is very happy in his job. Our three year anniversary is coming up next month - a week after valentines day (yes he really screwed himself there lol) - and I have off from work and school. I asked him to take the day off or even a half day so that we can spend some time together and he said he's going to see what he can do. I definitly agree with all of you in that every minute I have with him now is more and more special because we don't have that much. He is trying to make an attempt to do better by calling me during his day on his breaks and stuff its just not the same as him physically being here but like you all said I'm going to have to learn to deal with it. I am also worried about when we are married and have kids - is he going to be there for their plays and games and whatever else they want to be in or is going to be just me, we had a long talk about this last night and he said that he's will make it work, somehow. I hope so because I really do love him and want our life together to be family orientated and not always work orientated.
FDWedding07
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Re: need to vent
I completely understand. Between working and the fire department I never get to see FH as much as we used to. I just hope with time all will get better.
