This is my first post, although I have been looking at it for a while and found some really helpful ideas and suggestions here! First off, I am sorry this is so long - just need to get it out.
I have a situation which i need to just get off my chest, because I don't know who else to tell.
Basically, every since we got engaged in May 2006, I knew I wanted to have my wedding at a certain hall (I don't want to name it). We looked at Hall X last week, and decided we definately wanted it but gave it a week to look around before we went back to sign the contract and give down payment tonight for an October 2007 wedding.
My family was totally supportive but FH's mom and his older brother (who is also getting for 2nd time a few months before us), kept putting down the idea. 'why do u want to have it at some fancy hall, you don't need such a nice place etc'. The hall is only costing us about 3 dollars extra per person than other less nice halls we looked at! And my family is contributing MUCH more than FH's, so I couldnt understand why they were giving such a hard time (in our culture, its usually the husbands family who pays for everything, so my family contributing so much is not typical)
So tonight we signed the papers, and FH's mom came with us to look at the hall, making me really tense because I just didn't want to hear any more negative comments. Luckily, she loved it! so much that she called FH's older brother to come down. He liked it so much he is cancelling the place he already had and now booking the same hal for his wedding just a few months before us!
So, the two weddings will have the same hall, same menu, same guests, just a few months apart with HIS being the first one. Ours will just be like a replica of theirs.
I was so upset, I had endured their constant criticisms and in the end they will be the first to have their wedding there. I literally couldn't stop crying as we signed the contract but just blamed it on nervous bride. When I told FH the real reason, he said he couldnt believe how negative I am. Maybe he's right. maybe I am just being selfish but I feel like the specialness of our event will be gone, if all the guests did the same exact thing just a few months before. Am i crazy for feeling this way?? Can I say something or do I just have to put up with it?
Thanks for reading and any advice!
SReidy
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
I'm sorry you're going thru this. My brother and I had our reception on the same hall but it was 4 years apart. And it was my choice b/c I loved his hall so much. I think all you can do is just deal with it. And make your wedding as personalized as you can. It's not right for them to do it but it's done now- so you can't change it. Just make it as unique and personalized as you can. After all, it's your day- 10 years from now you won't even care where the place was- you'll just remember that you loved your day! I don't think about our hall as much as I think about the ppl that were with us that aren't alive anymore and how we were glad we were able to celebrate with them and how wonderful it felt to finally marry my hubby! Good luck!
giannismomma05
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
Im so sorry for you thats wrong .. That was your place your dreams were in it . I understand how your feeling my uncle is getting married a month before me not the same place but all the same people kinda pissed me off but whatever .. I really am sorry for you .. I hope you start to feel about your big day .. And from now on dont tell no one your plans about your wedding .. Make it special for your day good luck ...
SoulMates422
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
I'm sorry that you are going through this. I can understand that this place is special to you and you put in work to find it. What I dont understand is how do they go from trying to convince you that you are paying to much to booking there as well. Whatever happened to the hall costing too much money. Sounds hypocritical. The only thing I can say is that two people can have the same RH and still be different because of the little person details. I would advise you to keep all your plans a secret this way he won't steal anything else from you.
Jennifer907
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
Wow that does stink, but you will still have an amazing day. Make it your own, choose different menu items, and show everyone how special your day is.
Mooshyboo
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
I am so sorry you are going through this ~ personally I would be upset to ~ but don't think about the wedding before yours ~ just think of your own... sorry sweetie
TeddyFrogsDivaBride
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
You'll be fine because your wedding will be yours! We have some guests going to a wedding exactly one week before ours and I told my mom to tell her friends I don't want to hear about what happened the week before, and we will all just enjoy and you will too!
lacey&mark
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
wow. ok, so you signed the contract first? i would be extremely mad it i were in your situation.
do you think his brother can just cancel their hall like that? wont they loose the money they already put down? did his fiance even see the hall befor ehe made this decision? i truly hope they cannot cancel their original hall and have to keep it there.
i am sorry your FH isnt being sensitive of your feelings right now. i don't think you are being selfish at all. for them to go ahead and cancel their hall to switch it over to your hall is just spiteful.
if i were you, i would talk to the other bride and share your feelings with her. if they still go ahead and book the same hall, i would switch yours to a different hall and not tell anyone in their family about anything you are doing with your wedding, so they can't steal ideas. but thats just me. if your heart is set on this hall and you cant talk them out of it, then have yours there and make yours stand out in different ways.
i am sorry you have to deal with this. good luck!
acutemark
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
First off welcome to the forum and I am sorry that this happened to you You WILL be the shinning star of your wedding and except for a few relatives it is possible that you wont have exactly the same guests. Plus, you'll bring special elements to this wedding that your FBIL will not have! It's your day and no one can take that away from you!
JennyAl
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
you are TOTALLY not wrong for feelin this way...i would be upset too!...
TheMrandMrsof2008
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
I would be very upset... I just don't know why he would change his mind so quickly@
romie1982
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
Thank you everyone for being so supportive! It is now the morning after and I am just as upset, I could barely sleep last night.
I talked to my FI again last night after posting this, and asked him if he would be pissed off if I spoke to the other bride and just told her my feelings. They haven't signed their contract yet, but as we were trying to sign ours they basically jumped in and asked all about theirs and my FI's brother said he would be going this week to give down payment and everything. Apparently they did not give anything to the other place yet, but I don't know how that can be true.
My FI told me to let it go, don't be greedy and insensitive, and not to say anything to the other bride and let them be happy. He just does not understand at all. At least I know Im not crazy for feeling this way, thanks for the support! I will try to hint at my feelings to the other bride and hopefully she will pick up on it. Otherwise - I will tell all the guests that attended his wedding before that I will stab whoever says that we just copied their wedding.
Ilovebriani
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
OMG!! i can't believe this happened to you! you are definately not out of line for getting upset! i would have freaked out if this happened to me but i bet my FH would have also thought i was being out of line. guys dont react the same way women do. it's not like you are trying to compete....you just want your day to be different and spectacular....but you know what, it will be! it is YOUR day! you can do whatever you want. i would just plan on personalizing your wedding and reception to make it as different and as personal as you can. you can get so many good ideas from talking to girls on this website. anyway, good luck! try to stay positive, after all, you are getting married and you are going to have the wedding of your dreams!! by the time you have yours, theres will already be over and done with. so the attention will be on YOU!
LImama
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
oh my gosh, that stinks! No you are not crazy! Unfortunately you probably can't change it, small consolation that they proved you were right by copying your choice!
I would not share any other details with them, even say sorry, I want to make my wedding unique. Especially since we're having them in the same place, I don't want to look like I'm copying you! and
And remember, only half of the guests will have been to the BIL's wedding, to YOUR family and friends it will all be new!
And to you it will be the most special day, you will forget all about their wedding when your day arrives!
happygirl07
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
Posted by lacey&mark
wow. ok, so you signed the contract first? i would be extremely mad it i were in your situation.
do you think his brother can just cancel their hall like that? wont they loose the money they already put down? did his fiance even see the hall befor ehe made this decision? i truly hope they cannot cancel their original hall and have to keep it there.
i am sorry your FH isnt being sensitive of your feelings right now. i don't think you are being selfish at all. for them to go ahead and cancel their hall to switch it over to your hall is just spiteful.
if i were you, i would talk to the other bride and share your feelings with her. if they still go ahead and book the same hall, i would switch yours to a different hall and not tell anyone in their family about anything you are doing with your wedding, so they can't steal ideas. but thats just me. if your heart is set on this hall and you cant talk them out of it, then have yours there and make yours stand out in different ways.
i am sorry you have to deal with this. good luck!
I feel the same way. I will also add that if you wanted to cancel your hall, you have 72 hrs upon signing a contract to back out of it w/out losing anything. Just a thought in case it has crossed your mind.
faithandkevin
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
I'd be upset too. Every bride deserves to have their special day be their own!!
jayandjenny
Posted:
Member since
Re: need to vent!
that's crazy! I'm sorry that you are going through this, but there are so many things you can do to make the same hall look different......like your centerpiece choices (candles instead of flowers), your place cards, chair covers.......the list is endless!!! Don't worry, but just try to keep as many of your special touches under raps and tell everyone 'it's a surprise' that way they don't take any more of your fabulous ideas. Sorry if that sounds bad!!! I'm just trying to figure out how he's cancelling the other hall without losing all his money by doing this on such short notice. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
