Need to vent about evil ex fiance!!

On Thanksgiving I broke up with my verbally abusive fiance...who also hit me a few times. I stayed with him for 2 months after i realized i had to get out, and i am happy that he is gone.
Anyway, I saw him on Tuesday, and he told me he met an incredible girl, the total opposite of me, and they have been together for 2 weeks.
He began to tell me how in love he is,and how he plans to get engaged to her within 2-3 months and married tops a year from now.
I know he is not good for me, and i have been so happy without him since i am no longer living in fear, and i know he will more than likely go back to his old ways with her but it hurts.
He began telling me how they go to the city and all these places i would beg him to take me to and he would say 'i hate the city.' or if we would go to dinner and i got a glass of wine he would call me terrible names, and torture me about it for days now he orders bottles with this girl. Basically he is treating this girl the way i begged him to be with me, and all he did was verbally abuse me.
He tells me how his family will lover her, and how they hated me, and i know this is just more of his abuse, and i do wonder if he is lying about how he is treating and what he is doing with this girl but i am still letting it get to me so much!
I know he is still trying to control and hurt me and i resent that i am letting it effect me.
I called my friend and told her everything and she just kept asking why i was letting it all get to me. it hurts and i know it will hurt if he does marry her, and i hope for her sake he is good to her but it hurts.
i am hating myself for letting this effect me. i know she exists, and i do doubt how he true everything he is saying but its eating me up.
just need to vent.....

honestly - i bet his whole story is B-S!! he is trying to tell you things to hurt you - because that is how he feels better about himself and this situation. abusive people suffer from self esteem issues. this is just his way of making his life seem so great w/o you - and to throw salt on the wound he will tell you all the great things about 'her' and how much 'better' she is than you and how much everyone will 'love' her - its all just his way to continue being mean to you.

you are not wrong for feeling hurt. you had a relationship with this man and you were goign to marry him. there are so many hopes & dreams that come on the coat tails of marriage - that even when you know it wasnt the right person you feel a sense of loss or 'what might have been'

today will stink - tomorrow will be better.

my advice - STAY AWAY FROM THIS GUY - it is ok to be rude and walk away from him when you see him. you dont owe him anything. dont be surprised if he shows up at places he will know you frequent - chances are he is hurt and missing you too. abusive people can become very possesive - do not give him the chance to control you .

fm me if you need support.

I agree. He is probably lying to you. The only way he can feel good is to make you feel bad. Don't let it get to you, and don't give him another chance.

If he is telling the truth (he isn't) his new girl is not getting any prize anyway.

Thanks for the support. I need all I can get.
He is just a mean mean person....he was not like that in the beginning though for 4 yrs he was normal, then the last one his true colors came out and he was terrible.
Better now then later!

First off, did you ever think that maybe your ex is lying and there is no girl?

Second of all, not sure how long you were dating him before he became abusive, but no one deserves that, not verbal nor physical abuse. They're both as equally as bad. And now, some women, will say, you hit me, and its over. Other women will stay with that man, and take more and more and more abuse. Other women may ask their man to go for help. I think if it was me, before giving up on the relationship enitely, I would have asked him to go for help, anger managment, but still would have postponedf the wedding, that is if you REALLY loved him. It's hard to say if it would work or not.
I DO KNOW, one of my girlfriends is engaged and her and her FI before they got engaged went theu VERY bad times. He drank way too much, and he would become verbally abusive. She begged him to get help because she loved him with all her heart, he did, and he's like her prince charming now. He doesn't touch any kind of alcohol or drugs and he never says anything verbally abusive or anything to her.

It seems as though, he is trying to get to you - to manipulate you even more - to make you jelous. Chances are there is no girl. But chances are, maybe there is a girl. For some reason, I dunno, I know this sounds crazy and stalker-ish, try and find out who the girl is, and let HER know what SHE is getting herself into if she dates this guy. I would hate to see any women abused whether it be verbally or physically. Either that, or just let it go. If you keep thinking about it, its going to bother you even more, and soon the hurt will stay and remain for a while.

When in doubt, put on Lifetime. Some of these abused women never make it out of these relationships. And look at is this way - YOU DID. I don't know how bad the situation was, and that is very personal to you, Im sure, but it seems as though, since he is almost out of your life, he;s not threatening you of any kind [which is good.]

FM me if you want to talk more privately.
Good luck hun.
Hang in there. We're here for you.

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Posted by lttlbunny

Thanks for the support. I need all I can get.
He is just a mean mean person....he was not like that in the beginning though for 4 yrs he was normal, then the last one his true colors came out and he was terrible.
Better now then later!

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If he wasn't like that 4 four years . . . what happened?
True colors come out alot earlier.
Did he start drinking, or doing drugs?

Don't worry, my dear, you're prince charming will come! And he'll sweep you off your feet!

Yup - I agree with the above posts - total liar. He is lying about what they are doing if there even is a girl. Nobody changes that quickly. You are absolutely right - he is still trying to control you (your emotions). And for now he is succeeding. I know its hard - but try to forget him. He is a total loser.

I agree-He is probably just talking out of his a$$ and making this $hit up to hurt you once again. I would continue what you are doing-living without him and forget about him.

I disagree with one persons comments about him going to get help. If you are familiar with the cycle of violence, once an abuser, always an abuser. There are very few abusers that are able to jump out of the cycle and as everyone has said, no one deserves abuse of any kind and it should never be tolerated. If you feel the need to ever go back to him, you should seek help from someone to guide you....because many women do back to their abuser because they believe they will change. And he is lying to you, it is part of the whole abusers personality.....pathetic. He is trying to make you feel that you lost out on a good thing and you made a mistake....he's still making you feel like crap and youre not even together so therefore he is still abusing you! Cut the cord entirely, its the safest move!
Take care and good luck.

I agree w/ the above posts. First off he sounds very immature and obviously he is hurting very much and trying to make you feel that same hurt.

Don't let his story get to you, like the others have said, CUT ALL TIES IMMEDIATELY. You being in contact with him will do no good. The best thing you can do is distance yourself from him and try to move on. No one deserves to be abused and in time it would only get worse. Consider yourself lucky for getting out before you got married.

In time you will find that Mr. Right and you will be treated the way you deserve to be treated. But for now, get back to you, spend time with friends and family and know how much you are loved.

No break up is easy and a few girls went through break-ups during their engagement, or after the marriage and they know they made the right decision. In time it will get easier.

Please don't let his story get to you, he IS trying to manipulate you and he obviously knows ALL the things to say to get a rise out of you. If he is still going to talk to you, I'd just say, I wish you the best of luck with her and leave it at that. DON'T LET HIM SEE HE GETS A RISE OUT OF YOU, THIS IS WHAT HE WANTS!!!!!

We're here for you....but my best advice is to stay far away, cut ALL ties (phone, email, visits), it WON'T do any good.

He is totally lying to you!! He knows just the right thing to say to get you upset. Do you honestly think all of sudden he happens to meet a girl and change his way completely in 2 weeks. I really doubt it.
All I can say is RUN!!! Change you phone number, address, what ever you can do. The longer you don't see or talk to him, the better off you will be. You will meet someone better in time, but that won't happen till you get away from him.
Oh and please don't try to get him couseling. Most likely he will stay this way forever, even with couseling. I really don't believe abusive people change that easy.

First of all.... I am so glad that you got out of that abusive relationship.

From my personal experience, abusive people NEVER change. It's all about control of people, situations, etc... Since you ended the relationship, he lost the control. You called the shot. That usually results in 2 situations. More violence or the need to 'impress' you. That they never needed you, they found something better, his family prefers the other girl, blah blah blah..

Yes, it's just a question of time, he is still the same person and most likely will never change.

In the end, you can't wory about whether he is happy or miserable. Regardless if he really changed and is different with this girl, it was not working out with you. He was physically and mentally abusive. That's all that matter.

It will be hard at times, you try to remember the good times, all the months/years you wasted with this person. The lure of how it could have been, what you could/would/should have changed.

Still, it does not matter. He was a BAD person. While it may take you some time, you will get strength from this and move on to better things for you.

Good luck!!!

he is a POS liar! I bet a million $ that he has NO one in his life and is miserable without you!

kudos to you for dumping his azz! he is not worthy of you (or anyone). he's lucky you didn't have him arrested for assualt and battery.

don't give this creep a 2nd thought!

I believe he is lying but if he is not he is totally using this person to get to you. There is no reason for him to tell you that he met someone who is the opposite of you, and to suggest that is a good thing? F. him!!!!!!! And that his family will love her but hated you. If this girl even exists, it's been 2 weeks, so what does he really know? And what does SHE really know about him?

I used to think I wanted to be in touch with exes because they were a part of my life that I did not want to deny. With my last breakup before DH, I learned that it is okay to literally pack up every reminder of the person and tuck it away. Time has a way of healing things but only if you let it!!!!

Go back and read your post and try to pretend that you are another girl reading this, or that it is an e-mail from a friend. What would you tell a friend to do in this situation and what would you think of the ex?

And when you think about him being with another woman remember this (saved from Ann Landers, like 10 years ago): Two teardrops met in a river. One said, 'I am the tear of the woman who lost her love.' The other said, 'I am the tear of the woman who ended up with him.'

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Posted by ssdbk

And when you think about him being with another woman remember this (saved from Ann Landers, like 10 years ago): Two teardrops met in a river. One said, 'I am the tear of the woman who lost her love.' The other said, 'I am the tear of the woman who ended up with him.'

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Wow!!

This is so sad...First of Im sorry you had to be with a person like that and go through this Second, he is definitely lying to to you and using this 'girl' to try to get you jealous and get back with you for sure! Just stay strong and stay away from men like that....especially him. No woman deserves to be treated like this...no woman!

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Posted by lttlbunny

On Thanksgiving I broke up with my verbally abusive fiance...who also hit me a few times. I stayed with him for 2 months after i realized i had to get out, and i am happy that he is gone.
Anyway, I saw him on Tuesday, and he told me he met an incredible girl, the total opposite of me, and they have been together for 2 weeks.
He began to tell me how in love he is,and how he plans to get engaged to her within 2-3 months and married tops a year from now.
I know he is not good for me, and i have been so happy without him since i am no longer living in fear, and i know he will more than likely go back to his old ways with her but it hurts.
He began telling me how they go to the city and all these places i would beg him to take me to and he would say 'i hate the city.' or if we would go to dinner and i got a glass of wine he would call me terrible names, and torture me about it for days now he orders bottles with this girl. Basically he is treating this girl the way i begged him to be with me, and all he did was verbally abuse me.
He tells me how his family will lover her, and how they hated me, and i know this is just more of his abuse, and i do wonder if he is lying about how he is treating and what he is doing with this girl but i am still letting it get to me so much!
I know he is still trying to control and hurt me and i resent that i am letting it effect me.
I called my friend and told her everything and she just kept asking why i was letting it all get to me. it hurts and i know it will hurt if he does marry her, and i hope for her sake he is good to her but it hurts.
i am hating myself for letting this effect me. i know she exists, and i do doubt how he true everything he is saying but its eating me up.
just need to vent.....

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wow I understand what you are going through. I had a similar situation with a boyfriend 8.5 years ago. I dated him for 3 years and it was great the first 2 years then the last year was hell. He cheated on me and got some girl pregnant and I just had to get out. It hurt that he did that but I know it was for the best for me to get out. Since this just happened it will bother you but it you definitly did the right thing. You will find someone that treats you with the respect you deserve. After I broke up with him I met the love of my life and married him. We have been together for 9 years.