Many peope in FI's family have gotten married recently and they have gone the cheaper route with everything like fake flowers, no video, no limo etc.
I was talking to his family the other day about how much we spent on the photograpaher and video package and they all made comments like 'Gee...you have expensive taste!'
I said 'Having nice pictures is important to me'
Then after I got home I found out that they were all asking if we were getting help to pay for our wedding. They were commenting on our reception hall and how it is so expensive and that we should have gone here and there...blah blah.... They have no idea what package we have!
I am furoius! We are paying for this 99% ourselves. My mom bought my dress and FI;s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner.
If I didn't make fun of them for going the cheaper route, why are you making fun of me for wanting to make my wedding nice?
I am working two jobs to pay fo this and I am very proud of what we have accomplished!
Anyone else experience this?
Bride4Mike07
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
I know I'm in the same boat as you. FH and I are dishing out ALL the money for this wedding. I have EVERYONE and their mothers commenting about my expensive taste and my constant changing my mind, but no one has offered to help except our mothers and my sister. Of course, my pride wouldn't allow me to take my MIL's money, but I will tell FH that the money can come in handy in the months to come...so I'll let him take the money rather than me. If no one else likes yours or my decisions, let them pay for it otherwise deal with it! Then people wonder why there are Bridezillas out there! By the way, I'm also at Leonard's. What's your room?
kyzur5
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
My FH and I are paying for our wedding 100% so we do not want to hear anything from anyone (except suggestions from our vendors). We are working ourselves to the bone to pay for our wedding and we want our day exactly our way, some family members have offered to help but have not followed through, at this point we have only each other to rely on and do ont want to hear other people complaining about our chioces.
I'm also at Leonard's, we are having a small weddimg and are in the Continental room. Which rooms are you guys in?????????
MattandTricia07
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
I can totally relate..FH's cousin got married last year at a less expensive place and had a nice wedding, but there were no really added nice touches, but it was a good time. Then the sister of that bride, decided she should be married BEFORE Matt and me because she has been dating her BF longer than us, so they got engaged and are having their reception at the same place this summer. When I talk to FMIL about something, she will always comment on how much it is and how we should look someplace else. The other weekend I was so excited to share with them the information about the day after brunch at the restaurant in the Inn at East Wind. Well, FMIL says how we should get in 'thrown in' like her niece did and blah blah. I was trying to explain that it wasn't the same thing...her niece had breakfast in the hotel she booked by the LIE and it wasn't (I'm sorry for saying this) but as nice as the one East Wind does. It is just so frustrating!
I guess we both just have to tell them that it's our wedding and we know what we want and if we have the money or my parents in my condition, then why should they complain??
Hang in there
Regal Beagle
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Posted by Bride4Mike07
I know I'm in the same boat as you. FH and I are dishing out ALL the money for this wedding. I have EVERYONE and their mothers commenting about my expensive taste and my constant changing my mind, but no one has offered to help except our mothers and my sister. Of course, my pride wouldn't allow me to take my MIL's money, but I will tell FH that the money can come in handy in the months to come...so I'll let him take the money rather than me. If no one else likes yours or my decisions, let them pay for it otherwise deal with it! Then people wonder why there are Bridezillas out there! By the way, I'm also at Leonard's. What's your room?
I have the Empire room. How about you????
akaMrsT
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Posted by Regal Beagle
Many peope in FI's family have gotten married recently and they have gone the cheaper route with everything like fake flowers, no video, no limo etc.
I was talking to his family the other day about how much we spent on the photograpaher and video package and they all made comments like 'Gee...you have expensive taste!'
I said 'Having nice pictures is important to me'
Then after I got home I found out that they were all asking if we were getting help to pay for our wedding. They were commenting on our reception hall and how it is so expensive and that we should have gone here and there...blah blah.... They have no idea what package we have!
I am furoius! We are paying for this 99% ourselves. My mom bought my dress and FI;s parents are paying for the rehearsal dinner.
If I didn't make fun of them for going the cheaper route, why are you making fun of me for wanting to make my wedding nice?
I am working two jobs to pay fo this and I am very proud of what we have accomplished!
Anyone else experience this?
Someone will ALWAYS have something to say about your life - whether it be the wedding you have, the house you buy, the car you pick - it's always something.
There is really nothing you can do but keep talk of expenses to yourself. And maybe remind them that it's YOUR wedding and since you are paying for it you can have a cake covered in diamond dust or whatever else you can think of for YOUR wedding. And even if someone else is chipping in to pay for it - it's still YOUR wedding and you and your FH have final say over every detail.
Regal Beagle
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Posted by MattandTricia07
I can totally relate..FH's cousin got married last year at a less expensive place and had a nice wedding, but there were no really added nice touches, but it was a good time. Then the sister of that bride, decided she should be married BEFORE Matt and me because she has been dating her BF longer than us, so they got engaged and are having their reception at the same place this summer. When I talk to FMIL about something, she will always comment on how much it is and how we should look someplace else. The other weekend I was so excited to share with them the information about the day after brunch at the restaurant in the Inn at East Wind. Well, FMIL says how we should get in 'thrown in' like her niece did and blah blah. I was trying to explain that it wasn't the same thing...her niece had breakfast in the hotel she booked by the LIE and it wasn't (I'm sorry for saying this) but as nice as the one East Wind does. It is just so frustrating!
Do our families know that their comments hurt us sometimes rather then help?
Thanks ladies!
I guess we both just have to tell them that it's our wedding and we know what we want and if we have the money or my parents in my condition, then why should they complain??
Hang in there
Regal Beagle
Posted:
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
May I ask....what does a good photographer and vigeo package go for?
Goldi1021
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
You should never have to justify anything you spend on anything. We went high-end on just about everything too BUT between DH and myself and my family, we could afford to do so. No bank accounts were bled dry. We did not use credit cards for any vendor and we do not owe anyone anything. A budget is a budget regardless of how high it is. If you have it to spend - SPEND IT AND ENJOY!
Regal Beagle
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Posted by Goldi1021
You should never have to justify anything you spend on anything. We went high-end on just about everything too BUT between DH and myself and my family, we could afford to do so. No bank accounts were bled dry. We did not use credit cards for any vendor and we do not owe anyone anything. A budget is a budget regardless of how high it is. If you have it to spend - SPEND IT AND ENJOY!
:The funny thing is that I don't think we are going high-end. I think we are average.
You are right, we shouldn't have to justify a thing. It is just so aggravating!
Thanks ladies!
Bride4Mike07
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
have the Empire room. How about you????
I'm in the Empire room also!!!!! Can't hardly wait! In response to the photographer and video, I've seen some start at $1000 and range up to $10,000. It's all a matter of what you're looking for. FH and I are spending $3500 for video and photography, alone. I wanted the digital album and personal touches to the album and video...;) I don't know if anyone here has used them, or heard of them, but Ariana Studios, Wedding Plaza in Floral Park, has a package for $4000. I found them to be decent.
Pencils
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
As long as you're not borrowing money from your family--and that's different from your family helping pay for the wedding--or if your family knows you're going into debt for the wedding, it's none of their business. I have to say, if I saw someone I cared about putting a wedding they couldn't afford on credit cards, I would say something to them, I don't think you should have a wedding you can't afford. But if you're working for it, and you have the money, spend all you want! It's your money, you can do what you want with it.
I haven't gotten too much of this, as we're having a small, fairly budget wedding, except for one 'friend' who thinks I'm going overboard with a traditional wedding, that a courthouse wedding and a restaurant meal afteward would have been more appropriate because my fiance was married before and I'm older than the average bride. She was married twice, and both her weddings (in her twenties) were like that. I thought she was kidding at first. People are weird. And then I get comments like 'just get some shoes at Payless, you're never going to wear them again' when I said I wanted nice shoes. I don't have to justify the fact that I like nice shoes to anyone, and it's important to me to wear really special shoes on my wedding day. And I will wear them again, thank you very much, as I'm having them dyed navy. There have been a few other things, but mostly I've ignored them!
And you should too. If you're paying for everything, just say 'thanks for the suggestion but we've already made up our minds' and then ignore them. Good luck. Don't let it stress you out, wedding planning is stressful enough.
dreamworld06
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
I, thankfully, didn't have anyone commenting on how much money I was spending because I was paying for everything. I did have people comment on just about everything else. I don't think people realize how much their comments affect you as you're planning your wedding.
Snickers76
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
I'm having a small wedding, but want to spend some money on some nice things (flowers, photo, dress...) and I have people telling me I should spend MORE money! People are funny... I have decided to keep all costs to myself...
Espo22
Posted:
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Yeah i get comments sometimes too from different people.
But listen they have NOOOO business to say anything, if you are paying for 99% of the wedding then that is your problem and you will do whatever you want to do and pick and have things the way you like it...Unless they were paying they have no right to talk or make rude comments. I don't understand why its everyones business with how much you're spending, or how you decide to do things, i hate that.
weddingbunny
Posted:
Member since
Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
I haven't had the money comments... but my fmil was getting a little comment-y yesterday... PLEASE just accept that I'm going to do this how I want to!
We are, in many ways, going out of our way to make our guests comfortable - from having a non-religious ceremony in an effort to not ruffle any religious feathers (we're interfaith) to paying for transportation to and from local hotels for our out-of-towners. So, is it really such a big deal if I want to do a few things MY way that really don't affect anybody else?
Yesterday, it was about how the bridesmaids and groomsmen would walk down the aisle (I think they should just walk alone, since it's not an even number and pairing up will be awkward. She INSISTS that they have to walk in pairs on the way back down the aisle. wth?) Usually, it's about our choice not to immediately take a honeymoon.
As long as it's not hurting anybody else, why the heck should it matter? Honestly!
portjeffbride
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Member since
Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
yeah, first we were getting comments about our wedding being 'cheap' becuase we were trying to adhere to a tight budget for the reception and gown. Then we got comments that we're too extravagant when we booked the photographer for just over $3k.
no matter what, you'll get comments.... since you're paying for it, I just wouldn't tell people the costs, and then they can't comment
Espo22
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Posted by portjeffbride
yeah, first we were getting comments about our wedding being 'cheap' becuase we were trying to adhere to a tight budget for the reception and gown. Then we got comments that we're too extravagant when we booked the photographer for just over $3k.
no matter what, you'll get comments.... since you're paying for it, I just wouldn't tell people the costs, and then they can't comment
I think people just like to say things about whatever you are doing...Either way you can't win, if you spend too much or if you spend too little. People will criticize anything you do. It's like they feel useful or something to make comments, i don't know what it is...There are just some people that are so negative and any situation or whatever a person does they will find something negative to say, its just their nature.
portjeffbride
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Member since
Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Posted by Espo22
Posted by portjeffbride
yeah, first we were getting comments about our wedding being 'cheap' becuase we were trying to adhere to a tight budget for the reception and gown. Then we got comments that we're too extravagant when we booked the photographer for just over $3k.
no matter what, you'll get comments.... since you're paying for it, I just wouldn't tell people the costs, and then they can't comment
I think people just like to say things about whatever you are doing...Either way you can't win, if you spend too much or if you spend too little. People will criticize anything you do. It's like they feel useful or something to make comments, i don't know what it is...There are just some people that are so negative and any situation or whatever a person does they will find something negative to say, its just their nature.
so true.... I consider that the sign that I should begin distancing myself from those people (unless their family...) If they're family, I tend to see lips flap, yet hear beautiful silence......... I just nod..... uh huh....
I Love my bear
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Re: Need to vent about FI's family re: money we spend
Definately everyone has their own opinion but in your case you're paying for it and people should just keep their mouths shut. Of course this never happens and people will always feel like putting in their two cents. I've heard so much already and I have only been engaged for a little over a month! I told my FIL's that I'm having belly dancers at my wedding. I'm paying for it...Let them talk!!
