Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

As the title states, I just need to vent bit cause my fiance is being absolutely frustrating.

Here's the story ... so we've been engaged since December, but I have done no wedding planning (other than a few venue quotes) since that time because I am incredibly busy with school and upcoming boards; after that is done though, I can start the planning. However, I have been looking at places and dreaming about what I want our wedding to be like, but my fiance keeps coming back at me that he doesn't want to have a wedding (wasn't a problem before). The excuses range from it's too much money for one day (my father is paying for it all) and he doesn't want my family to think he is only marrying me for money, he is too shy and doesn't want to be center of attention (not true at all) to I will be making my cousins feel bad cause they can't have such a wedding (no comment).

This is what he proposes:
1. City Hall wedding in the city, so his mother can attend (she is disabled) and then we have a destination wedding somewhere. That is not okay with me because first, the City Hall wedding would be my actual wedding, and it's not what I want, but to accommodate his mother; second, my parents live across the country and I wouldn't want them to travel to NY just for City Hall, then have to travel somewhere else for another wedding; and third, I don't want a destination wedding cause I do want his mother to be there and I think he will feel bad to have all of my family and friends there, but not his. The short of it, I just want one wedding.
2. Rent out a small space, and then we cook all the food and provide drinks, not have a caterer or servers or anything. Pretty much we are just having a get together, not a proper wedding. I don't even understand this, but I refuse to cheap out so much. There is no reason why we have to be so cheap. Plus, and not to sound stuck-up, my parent's friends want to attend, and it will look very bad/humiliating on my parents to have their daughter do something so cheap and tacky. Now, I agree with him, I wouldn't want to spend an extravagant amount of money on a wedding, but I still want to do something that is nice.

Not to be cliche, but I have dreamed of this since I was a child, and I want my dad walking me down the aisle, first dance, nice pictures, the whole shebang. I feel like I would regret not having this experience.

Has anyone else had such an issue getting their fiance to agree to have a wedding? Any advice?

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

Breathe! You and him have some serious talking to do. Its very nice your dad is paying for it!
I did the back and forth too. I was so gonna do destination wedding just cause a wedding is expensive but FH dad has a very strong fear of flying but i felt like he would have to get over it. My parents actually made me and FH feel guilty cause I'm the last daughter and my father never got to marry a daughter so now we are having a wedding. but a small wedding about 150 people ( i could easily have 400 people wedding my family is hugeeeee) FH was stressed on how much everything is costing but he slowly getting better cause we are booking early and paying off little by little every month and my parents are chipping in whenever they can so he has been better.
You and FH is going to have to talk about what you guys want and dont want and come to a compromise. You only get married once (hopefully) so you dont want to have any regrets of not having a wedding. And you have to go to city hall anyway for ur marriage certificate so I dont think it really counts. You could have a nice wedding and not spend 50K if you guys do your research, pick your dates in off season or have a weekday, DIY. IT wouldn't cost an arm an leg

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

You could rent a space and have it catered - I personally wouldn't want to put my family to cook the day of the wedding when they have to get ready and stuff. IF you wanted to do something small and still have nices pics you could do it at the botanical gardens when i was pricing out i think its a small min of like 75 people give or take

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

Thank you so much!
I didn't even consider that we would have to go to City Hall nonetheless, and that his mother could go to that and then we could do something somewhere else; however, I do feel like he would be upset, even if he doesn't realize it now, if his mother wasn't at our official wedding.
I am going to look into some of the space rentals, as you suggested. I didn't even know you could rent out Botanical Gardens w/out proprietary caterer; I had called Brooklyn and Bronx and they gave me crazy prices ($230+ pp). Will look into that.
I really appreciate your advice. Hopefully he will come around. I don't want to be a brat, but as you said, it's just once in a lifetime.

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

Here's the thing, which makes me uncomfortable about this whole thing: He proposed to you - now he doesn't want a wedding? Something isn't right. Additionally, your Dad is paying so there's no financial bounds to the both of you. You can have a small 50 person intimate wedding and still have it be the wedding of your dreams: I know the Sands in Atlantic Beach gave me an inclusive wedding package and it was super affordable especially for me on peak season so off season it must be even better! I would also say check out some other ideas like restaurants. Lots of restaurants host weddings and the whole shebang for a very reasonable price. You need to sit down with him and ask him if he is really set on the idea of marrying you because you are sticking with your dream and your dream is to have a real wedding that is catered and shows your vision. My friend got married last sunday at Bridgeview Yacht Club - wedding was from 2-8 SUPERRRRR affordable. I'm not a brat but I also am not going to let someone skew the dream I have always had in my head. If a traditional wedding is what you want I wouldn't settle for less. None of this should be an issue since no pennies are leaving his pocket. If I were your parents I would maybe also gather your parents and his and talk this out round circle style because I am positive your parents wouldn't care for his options - im sorry but that rent a space and BBQ is so freaking tacky. Is it a BBQ or a wedding? There's also a place in Brooklyn called Gargulio's that if im correct isn't extremely costly either. There are ENDLESS options but you cant make a move till he agrees to a more formal event. I'd be slightly more concerned about why he proposed - he sounds like he's not into this.

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

The view in oakdale does saturday afternoon weddings for smaller groups and the food is great

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

He wants to be married, just doesn't want a wedding. In fact, he would like to get married ASAP, but I am the one that is trying to postpone until I have time to plan a wedding.
My sister said the same exact thing about his idea of a wedding... it's more appropriate for a birthday or something, not a wedding. Let's hope he comes around. As of now, I am so frustrated that I told him this evening that he could just plan the whole thing out himself and just tell me when and where to show up (bit of a fit, but it's been annoying me).
He really is a wonderful guy, but he is just set in his stubborn and miser ways.
Thank you for suggestions, will look into those venues.

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

It is not only you do not worry my fiancé has been doing the same thing. My parents are paying for pretty much everything, but he blows up fairly often about how it is stupid there should not even be a wedding, we should just go to city hall and get it done. I am sorry, but like you said this has been my dream since a little girl. I have already down played A LOT he is wearing khakis and flip flops for God's sake and he still says it is crazy. I just think certain guys do not like the planning and stress that goes along with it. I am VERY cautious talking about wedding planning around him because he seems to get very stressed and agrivated rather quickly. I jut try not to talk to him too much about pricing and the little details. He knows where it is the day and time, so the important stuff. I wish he wanted to be more involved but he isn't so.....not worth stressing over.

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

I think you need to do some research on smaller halls that will give a more intimate experience and make him go with you to see them-it might give him some perspective and help get rid of whatever associations he has in his head currently. I know I'm totally bias but I felt the Riviera was very homey- its not everyone's taste but we are not 'fancy' people and I thought it fit for us. I didn't want marble and chandeliers. You just need to find that place for you guys. At the end of the day I think you just need to figure out what's important to both of you and compromise but I agree with you- even small intimate weddings need servers! And if it's not for financial reasons, I would not compromise on what you want because you can't get those moments back and you'll regret it. Maybe skip the garter/bouquet toss if he doesn't want to be center of attention but you need to find out what he really wants or better yet- what he really doesn't want and is afraid your vision of a wedding will be. It will all work out..don't worry too much. Good luck!!

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

Also wanted to add-this wont apply to all grooms but with the wedding my fiancé pretty much knows its a losing battle. I force him to give his opinion and veto whatever it is if I don't agree. I don't mean to be this way- but he will thank me later lol Once he realizes how important it is to you he may give in just to make you happy (or so that he doesn't have to have this conversation anymore lol).

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

Thanks for all the advice! I actually told him that he can plan the wedding, let me know when and where to show up (cause seriously, then I don't have to stress out), but I think that scared him straight. Now he says he will be okay with me doing whatever makes me happy. Let's see how this goes. :)

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

Yayy.. Now back to wedding planning!

Need to vent... Fiance is frustrating

Happy it worked out! They have their own bridezilla moments. Everyone talks about us! lol