Need to vent. (Kinda long)

Need to vent. (Kinda long)

I just wanted to thank everyone for taking the time to read this. I have used this site numerous times but haven't posted much because I always just tried to handle everything myself however, things are really getting out of hand. My wedding date is 9/27/03 and it can't come fast enough for me. Everything has been crazy and a problem and I don't know how much more I can take. To make a VERY long story short, let's just say that my FMIL and FSIL have made things very difficult. Now it's time for my shower and it's supposed to be a surprise but I am still being ****ed in. When they sent the invitations, my FMIL got one but there was a problem and my FSIL did not. Mind you she is in the wedding party but was totally insulted that she didn't get one. She has been nothing but trouble all along from what the other girls tell me. She doesn't want to contribute to whatever they are doing because she says she wants to do her own thing and someone called her cheap, and it became this huge thing and my FI was pulled in and now both my FMIL and my FSIL are ****ed off and I keep being told all of this crap but cannot say anything because I'm not supposed to know anything. It's to the point now where my FSIL is nice to my face but my FMIL is hardly speaking to me. I just can't stand it anymore. Like I said there have been other problems with both of these people through the whole planning process. It has already ruined a lot of things and now I'm afraid my shower will be ruined as well. Well that's my story. Thanks for listening. I just needed to talk to people who might understand. Thanks again!

Re: Need to vent. (Kinda long)

Re: Need to vent. (Kinda long)

I feel for you!!!

DH needs to get involved and deal with his family because they shoul dnot make you upset and you should not have to be involved with this shower stuff (believe me I know from experience!)

And ... Remember what goes around comes around...

Re: Need to vent. (Kinda long)

I'm sorry you are going through this...the worst part about planning a wedding is that you expect everything to be perfect but, somehow, all the 'imperfections' seem to also rise to the surface during this time!

Remember, that this is only the beginning of your life with FMIL and FSIL...as much as you may wish you can cut them off after the wedding...FH may not want you too and may resent you if you do. What I would do, and this is much easier said then done, is to be the one who always smiles and 'yeses' them. I would stay out of the shower planning as much as possible. Tell your mom and bridal party (or whoever else is planning it) your concerns and leave it at that...the less you know, the less you can be blamed for it. I would just try to stay away from them whenever possible and when you MUST interact with them...smile and pretend you agree with everything they say.

I have learned that being confrontational with some people is just not worth the effort. Most likely, they will never see your point. You will walk away the bad guy and feeling uncomfortable around them in the future.

I hope this helps somewhat... ...It is so hard to give advice without truly being in the other persons shoes

Re: Need to vent. (Kinda long)

Thank you all for your kind words. It felt good just to get it all out finally. I will remember what you said and Annie, I will try to keep smiling. Thanks again for everything. These boards are the best.

Re: Need to vent. (Kinda long)

Re: Need to vent. (Kinda long)

. I understand that it would be tough for you to say anything...i find myself thinking more before I speak so i dont offend any of his family... But is there any way that your fiance can talk to his family? with his family to be 'polite, and keep peace' sometimes you have to just let things go(which is really frustrating) but i would remember their actions when it comes time to buying gifts and such for them

Re: Need to vent. (Kinda long)

I totally understand what you are going through. My SIL and MIL made my life hell during the planning. I even asked SIL ( who I am not close with) to be in the wedding in hopes it would form some kind of unity, but it only made things worse. THen they got all his relatives against me. His mother never once in a year of planning ever asked us how the planning was. THen she wanted to know why I was never around at some family things. Who would go to a function and be treated so miserably? Not me!!! It was horrible. His mother started being decent to me at the rehersal dinner and has been nice ever since. She probably feels guilty for all the uglyness that his cousins showed at my wedding due to her bad mouthing me. I could go on and on, but I just wanted to tell you that you are not alone. I too wanted everyone to be decent during the planning. Anyone who has nothing but happiness throughout the planning from ther FIL's is considered lucky in my book. Good luck!