Need to vent-Long

Need to vent-Long

Hi guys-I`m so sorry to post this but I just need to have a ranting session. Awhile ago, I posted a message about one of my bridesmaids being difficult-well as it turns out, she is being great and now I have an even bigger issue with another one.
Just to kind of sum up-I went with a line of dresses, offering about 80 styles to choose from. I let each BM chose her own dress. This particular bridesmaid was the only friend (non-relative) I selected and since she doesn`t work right now, I went 1st with her to look at the gowns on a day off. She found a dress she really liked and the next day, everyone else went. We went back 2 weeks later and she brought her boyfriend. Seems the 2 of them can`t bear being apart for even a moment-even though they`ve been dating for 2 years and live together. When she showed him the dress she was going to get, he didn`t like it and asked me if she could switch with the MOH!!! I said no and she had to pick a different dress. Over the following weeks, she blew me off a total of 3 times to go back to look at the gowns so I decided to ask her if she really wanted to be in the party or would she rather do a reading. She convinced me that she wants to remain a BM.
So, after all of this, she blew me off an additional 2 times to go look at the dresses after we had made plans. Then she suggested that she and the boyfriend go and pick out a dress alone. I told her I`d prefer it if she didn`t and wait for me. So yesterday, we had plans yet again and when she called to confirm the plans, she told that she and her boyfriend went there Tuesday and picked out a dress!!!!!
Last night, my sister (MOH) and I went to the shop about 1/2 hour before she was supposed to meet me and scoped out the dress she picked. She picked a strapless one piece-the other girls are all wearing v-neck shells and 2 piece. I`m not even wearing a strapless! When she finally showed up, she had a list of dresses that 'they' picked out-including several by different manufacturers. I then told her she couldn`t wear the strapless and had to pick between 4 different ones. She then proceeded to throw a tantrum in the store and finally ordered (and paid in full) one of the dresses.
Today, I got an email from her saying she`s backing out.
I`m so angry because I`ve been spending tons of time driving out to Suffolk (I live almost in Queens) and this has been holding up ordering the other dresses. Not to mention, she`s been looking at the gowns for 2 months now.
I`m relieved she backed out in a way but I don`t understand how a friend could treat her friend like this. I was trying to be so accomodating by letting everyone pick out their own gown but in my opinion what her boyfriend likes to see her in seems more important than what the bride wants.
Any thoughts, opinions, advice?? I`m shocked and kind of hurt by this entire mess.

Need to vent-Long

You have every right to be shocked and hurt. I think you are a very areeable and reasonable bride, and this girl took advantage. If she lets her boyfriend dictate what she will and will not wear, SHE is the one with a problem. You are lucky not to have to deal with her for the remainder of your planning.
I hope that she realizes her error and apologizes. I hope you aren't too upset... Your wedding day will be magnificent with or without her.

Need to vent-Long

she is a complete idiot. some people just don't get life in general. I don't blame you for being upset, but at least you won't have her in pictures for years and years to come, when you know she is a self centered immature witch!

I agree - ugh, some people! Are you still inviting her? *NM*

I agree - ugh, some people! Are you still inviting her? *NM

I guess so...in her email she said she still wants to help with decorating and things like that but honestly, I don`t want her involved. I thought about telling her the reason why I picked her dress-the boyfriend. But I`m not so sure honesty is the best policy in this case. My FH keeps saying, 'she`s got problems'. I`m just so upset that my closest girlfriend would treat me like this.
Thank you so much for listening and being there for me..I sometimes feel like all I do is use this board to sound off and I apologise for that!!

Just my opinion....

Your friend is jealous and not handling this well. Her boyfriend has A LOT to do with this situation, I would put $$ on it! I would talk to her alone when the boyfriend is not around. Obviously her boyfriend wanted her to wear a strapless dress because she already liked one that she saw with you. Why the sudden change? He is telling her, 'Who is she to tell you what to wear' etc...etc...Sounds like maybe things are not so great with their relationship and she might really need a friend's supportive to help her get out of this destructive relationship. Maybe I am way off base but I don't think so.

I agree with michele31...

This is all about her boyfriend. Like you said leelee, she obviously cares more about pleasing her boyfriend then the bride. I would consider myself lucky that she backed out. This will save you a lot of problems. Being in a bridal party comes with a lot of resposibilties. Often bridesmaids (or groomsmen) must do things where there signifcant others are not included (taking pictures, seating arrangements). Can you imagine what she might have done in those situations. I was a bridemaid in a wedding once where the bride and groom had a dayus (sorry about the sp.) table. One of the groomsmen got so upset that his girlfriend was not sitting with him that as soon as he walked into the reception he moved his chair to her table.

I agree with michele31...

If your friend's boyfriend really loved your friend, then he would think that she will look beautiful in anything that she wears! Like the other ladies said, I think that she is having problems with her boyfriend. However, it is really unfortunate that it is effecting you and your planning. I think it is better that she backed out. Planning your wedding should be happy and your friends shouldn't be causing you more stress.
You said that she paid for the dress already--would you have a change of heart is she changes her mind??
Good luck and stay happy!

I agree with michele31...

Hi girls-
First, thank you again for all your support! I feel tons better about the situation.
Funny-I called the bridal salon last night to make sure the order was cancelled and the girl there told me that the ex-BM called in and is having her check mailed back to her. Then the girl I spoke to at the salon proceeded to tell me how she kept advising the ex-BM while she and the boyfriend were shopping that I really should be there and that it`s my wedding, etc. Apparently, she didn`t want to listen.
The problem is TOTALLY the boyfriend. I replied back to my friend last night that I was happy she`ll be at the wedding and if she ever needed to talk then I`m always here for her.
I`m really relieved that this is now a done deal and I can continue on with my planning. It still hurts that a friend would behave this way but I guess this is how you find out who your real friends are, eh?
Best of luck to all of you and thanks again for all your wonderful support and advice!