Need to vent....And advice

mtk1605 Posted: Mar 05, 2011 05:19 PM

Need to vent....And advice

One of my best friends moved down south in December, in January I told her the 'engagement party' date so hat she had a ten week heads up. We do not talk as much now that she has moved, constant phone tag....I e-mailed her yesterday since I haven't heard from her and she hasn't returned my last phone call...well her response is that she is super busy and she will call me soon, oh and it wasn't in the cards for her and her fiancé to get up here for my party....I come to find out she is going to the ultra music festival in Miami that weekend....let's just say I am beyond mad!! Do I tell her it's a surprise wedding or doi let her just miss it?

SME418 Posted: Mar 05, 2011 05:23 PM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

thats a tough one. I think it depends on how much you want her there.

If she is someone who has and will be in your life for a long time I think I would tell her but if it is someone whose friend is fading then its your call.

IrishAli Posted: Mar 05, 2011 05:33 PM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

I am someone that thinks that if someone can't go a little bit out of their way for you, then leave it at that.

I probably would think that if she can't make it, I wouldn't give her the heads up.

jovigirl414 Posted: Mar 05, 2011 05:35 PM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

hmmm ... I say that if she wants to put house music in front of one of her best friends' special days, then you might as well let her hear about the wedding through the grapevine - she will feel terrible about it later - let her sleep in the bed she made.

mtk1605 Posted: Mar 05, 2011 05:40 PM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

One of the reasons we did this wedding as an engagement party/surprise reception was to weed out the people who didn't care enough about us to celebrate our engagement....I never thought it would be her. But I guess it shows how important I really am to her...

merbride Posted: Mar 05, 2011 06:26 PM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

that stinks
if you really want her there though, I would tell her or at least try to persuade her to come

mtk1605 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 01:17 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

I emailed her telling her I was upset and felt like she will miss a lot. And I really wanted her there since she is the main reason fh and I met....she responds with a picture of her niece....

I will not let this stress me out any longer...she will have to hear it through Facebook or something that I got married...this will not ruin my day. The most important people will be there and that is all that matters :)

Thank you for listening girls!!

jovigirl414 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 01:37 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

Posted by mtk1605

I will not let this stress me out any longer...she will have to hear it through Facebook or something that I got married...this will not ruin my day. The most important people will be there and that is all that matters :)

Thank you for listening girls!!

There you go! I just recently had a letdown similar to yours ... and I do feel your pain. It definitely sucks! But you are doing the right thing, and you really have the right attitude ... The most important ones will be there for you, come hell or high water!

LoveyDovey Posted: Mar 06, 2011 05:15 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

sorry but unfortunately weddings bring out the truth of others around you

but I think you have the right attitude, that if she doesn't care enough to make it there for you then you shouldn't care either!

sjr385 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 07:45 AM

.

smilesjc81 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 08:34 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

my only issue is that, my BM moved south and i couldnt expect her to come to my e-party or my shower or a my bach party, BUT she is totally coming to the wedding.

your friend may be thinking it's just an e-party, she'll have plenty of time to celebrate with the bridal shower and bach party

you obviously know her pretty well,

but do you know when she bought those tickets for the concert??, maybe she had them well before she knew about the 'e-party', now she doesn't wanna cancel her accommodations for the concert, to fly back up.

if she wont blow the whistle on your surprise wedding
then i think you should tell her, now if after she knows she doesnt come, then screw her!

smilesjc81 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 08:35 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

i feel i should add, if the friendship has been just steadily going south and this is the icing on the cake... then screw her again LOL

lisam1113 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 08:51 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

Posted by smilesjc81

i feel i should add, if the friendship has been just steadily going south and this is the icing on the cake... then screw her again LOL

I like this & had to do that to a friend!! lol

But in all seriousness I would definately take into consideration how much the friendship means & if you do tell her 'its a surprise wedding' that she can hold the secret & not tell a soul. I didn't have an e-party but will be having a shower. I don't expect many OOTer's to attend or even one of my BMs who lives in FL longs shes there for my big day... I would definately give her an email saying its kind of important that you speak to her on the phone (if you do plan to have her attend)

dCa51899 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 08:58 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

Posted by sjr385

Posted by mtk1605

One of the reasons we did this wedding as an engagement party/surprise reception was to weed out the people who didn't care enough about us to celebrate our engagement....I never thought it would be her. But I guess it shows how important I really am to her...

I think that's a somewhat unfair generalization. We had an engagement party, but I didn't expect any OOT'ers (other than FH's immediate family) to come... because they'll be able to celebrate with us at the wedding. Maybe she's making the same assumption.

Since she's clearly important to you, I'd say to explain to her exactly WHY it's so important to you that she be there (= tell her it's really a wedding. Call, don't email). If she still doesn't come, so be it. But at least you'll know it wasn't just a misunderstanding.

i agree...i think you should tell ur friend about the surprise...

my aunt (Godmother) didn't even come to our e-party but i completely understood bc it was thanksgiving wknd, she lives in FL, and her son was coming to visit with his family...she will be there for the wedding tho (or at least i think )

your friend prob assumes its ur eparty and she'll be able to come to the wedding...if she just happens to find out on fb that you got married, she might be upset with you that you didn't give her the heads up that she was not missing ur eparty but your WEDDING!

like the other girls said - depends on how you feel about your friendship with her

Thar1127 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 10:04 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

this is such a tough one-- and i think it really depends on your friendship with her before the move, and what you want your friendship to continue to be after the wedding-- bc if you dont tell her, and she misses your wedding do you think there will be a friendship? and if thats what you want then only you can choose that, its tough bc she is so far away

LBUDA Posted: Mar 06, 2011 10:22 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

Maybe the cost of taveling is whats holding her back?

If you think of her as a true friend, I would let her in on the party being your wedding. Maybe you can offer to pay for her flight, or the hotel?

jgold910 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 10:22 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

Posted by smilesjc81

i feel i should add, if the friendship has been just steadily going south and this is the icing on the cake... then screw her again LOL

mtk1605 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 10:23 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

Thank you girls for all your support. I have put another phonecall in to her but have heard nothing. Also texted her to call me and still nothing. We shall see. :)

jovigirl414 Posted: Mar 06, 2011 10:33 AM

Re: Need to vent....And advice

I see what you girls are saying ... I didn't really think of that, mainly because my bridesmaid, who also moved down south, DROVE up for my engagement party, and picked up the MOH on her way here. When my father passed away the week before, she was actually trying to figure out ways to fly up here and be there for me during both events - until I had to yell at her not to! I told her she was nuts, and I knew she was there for me, to just pick up the phone if I need her. She is now the new MOH - along with my Mom who I just named the 'Mom of Honor'. This is a friend - she wouldn't let me down for anything.

I could be biased because of whats happened to me... Idk...