Need your advice please...

I have a question and its pretty personal. This is a long post but you have to read it to understand the question...TYIA

Before I ask i will give you the background.

My sister 'suffered' from annorexia for a couple of years. It had us all in a state of shock and panic, and we actually forced her into a rehab treatment facility.
After a week of therapy, etc... It turned out that the doctor said she was NOT annorexic but that she was simple following a nutritious vegan diet. She was very skinny, however all her blood work came back great. Her bones were strong etc. He told us to wait to see if we noticed her 'Annorexia Acts' around certain time periods, like a baby in the family etc. They said since her period was regular, her sugar was perfect and her skin was clear that they have seen it before and it is an outreach for attention.

She is now 21 years old. (This was 5 years ago)The second that fh and I began to start planning, BOOM. There she is again with her 'Acts'.

She goes on these live journal sites that are 'pro annorexic' and leaves the sites up for us to get upset. (ON oUR COMPUTER not her laptop)

Last night, fh and I were searching for a refrigerator and low and behold, boom, there is a left site with pictures of herself, and her ribs. FH was appauled and upset. He said 'I told you she would start this, dont be surprised if she does this even worse before the wedding'

And I know he is right. She did this when I was graduating, when my grandfather was ill, its ALWAYS when she is not in the attention spot...
Ive really had it with this, and having to stop my life for her.
(By the way, last night we had a fondu party, and my sister 'couldnt eat' However, with ONLY US in the house, about a half hour laterlater, all of the chocolate covered pretzels were gone..sneaky little bugger)
Heres my question...

Do I tell her, now that shes 21 that the doctor told us she was FINE and that it is all an act?
FH said he is afraid if she finds out what the doctors said (four to be exact, all the same verdict) that she will FORCE herself to be worse and gain even more attention....

Im really in a pickle right now. And rather confused. Any advice would really be appreciated...just because I am so upset....

::Update::
So, I called fh and told him I was still really upset about the situation. He said he was as well and said that he would like to sit her down and ask her if she notices that her 'problem' comes along when she is not the center of attention to the family.

He doesnt want to just go right out and say 'I know its an act, weve known for five years'. Although i actually wrote her an email and unsent it through aol saying just that lol...

I guess we are going to play it by ear...
ANY suggestions will will be appreciated... You girls really made today much better for me...thank you

I really dont have any advice for you b/c I do think your FH is right..... but to make light of the situation, get her a BF and then she'll be 'in love' and feel like shes back in the spotlight

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Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

I really dont have any advice for you b/c I do think your FH is right..... but to make light of the situation, get her a BF and then she'll be 'in love' and feel like shes back in the spotlight

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Haha...thats what my mother said (HI MOM!) Shes on this site as well...

Its sad because I want to like, yell at her you know? Like say 'For once in my life this is my thing!' lol

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Posted by loy0405

what the doctor said to do when she make this type of 'act'? I am with your FH that she can get herself worse but you guys can just let her used her 'act' everytime she want... For the moment just ignore her and her act

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The doctor said to ignore it. And not let it become the family. However, my father...the drama king...will feed into it, buy her all the things she wants... etc...

THey also said it would probably go away in a year...two the most...and here we are years later...

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

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Posted by loy0405

what the doctor said to do when she make this type of 'act'? I am with your FH that she can get herself worse but you guys can just let her used her 'act' everytime she want... For the moment just ignore her and her act

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The doctor said to ignore it. And not let it become the family. However, my father...the drama king...will feed into it, buy her all the things she wants... etc...

THey also said it would probably go away in a year...two the most...and here we are years later...

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If your dad keep buying and getting her what she want she will never stop it, I will say ignore her but it have to include every member of the family

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Posted by loy0405

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

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Posted by loy0405

what the doctor said to do when she make this type of 'act'? I am with your FH that she can get herself worse but you guys can just let her used her 'act' everytime she want... For the moment just ignore her and her act

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The doctor said to ignore it. And not let it become the family. However, my father...the drama king...will feed into it, buy her all the things she wants... etc...

THey also said it would probably go away in a year...two the most...and here we are years later...

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If your dad keep buying and getting her what she want she will never stop it, I will say ignore her but it have to include every member of the family

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yuppp...thats the problem! lol

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Posted by little34

It sounds like your sis needs to speak with a professional. Whether or not she is acting, she is crying out for attention and whether or not she is actually anorexic, she feels the need to have this attention. You should sit down with your parents and take her to talk to a phycologist. I don't think you should stop your life for her, because then she is getting what she wants....she just needs to learn how to channel these feelings in a healthier way.

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I 100% agree with you...however the second she turned 18 that went out the door. We can not get her to even get a real job....the second my mom starts with her about that...boom...starts the 'act'

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Posted by FutureMrsMolinaro

This is a very tricky situation. I wish there was a way I could help but I'm not sure if there is. What does your FH want to do exactly? Sit her down and talk to her about it? I think you guys need to approach this together

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fh wants to ignore it completely. But for me, Ive been dealing with it so long i want to shake her and tell her to get over herself you know?

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

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Posted by little34

It sounds like your sis needs to speak with a professional. Whether or not she is acting, she is crying out for attention and whether or not she is actually anorexic, she feels the need to have this attention. You should sit down with your parents and take her to talk to a phycologist. I don't think you should stop your life for her, because then she is getting what she wants....she just needs to learn how to channel these feelings in a healthier way.

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I 100% agree with you...however the second she turned 18 that went out the door. We can not get her to even get a real job....the second my mom starts with her about that...boom...starts the 'act'

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Sounds like she may need tough love and with your dad that may not happen. She needs to be pushed to get a job and get out on her own.... that is prob. the best thing for her no more babying. Sit down with your parents and explain how this makes you feel and what you think the best thing for her will be. If your parents don't put their foot down they are going to have a 48 year old daughter still living at home and living off of them. Good luck!

send her a$$ to a pyschologist/psychiatrist

your sister may not be sick with anorexica but she is still sick in the head.......its not normal for a 21 year old (or anyone, any age) to exhibit this kind of extreme behavior. she needs help. its sad but i can see how frustrated you are. she actually might hurt herself 'trying' to get attention. how do you know that she wont do something even crazier - worst case commit suicide if everyone keeps ignoring her? i mean, it mind sound far fetched now, but the closer it comes to your wedding the worse she will become with her attention seeking - and when people are mentally unstable they are capable of anything - even suicide....she sounds like she needs serious help. did the other doctors recommend that she a professional? im sorry that you are going through this. it kind of sounds like your sister is very selfish - but at the same time she probably cant help herself if this is some sort of mental thing - which is what it sounds like.

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Posted by Future Mulligan

send her a$$ to a pyschologist/psychiatrist

your sister may not be sick with anorexica but she is still sick in the head.......its not normal for a 21 year old (or anyone, any age) to exhibit this kind of extreme behavior. she needs help. its sad but i can see how frustrated you are. she actually might hurt herself 'trying' to get attention. how do you know that she wont do something even crazier - worst case commit suicide if everyone keeps ignoring her? i mean, it mind sound far fetched now, but the closer it comes to your wedding the worse she will become with her attention seeking - and when people are mentally unstable they are capable of anything - even suicide....she sounds like she needs serious help. did the other doctors recommend that she a professional? im sorry that you are going through this. it kind of sounds like your sister is very selfish - but at the same time she probably cant help herself if this is some sort of mental thing - which is what it sounds like.

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The doctor who spoke to me was the fourth doctor, from staten island...she was associated with Schnieders childrens Hospital at the time...

She said basically that all her tests came back perfect. She is healthier than the average girl and that it is all psychological.

At the time my sister was seeing a Dr.Tilson, and he released her and said she was okay. Then when she turned 18, she started the 'vegan' diet and got skinny again. The second people began to notice, and make comments, is when she stuck with the 'act'...
She has so much attention as it is. She is a beautiful girl. Boys love her, she craves the attention, she is joining a sorority.... shes quite popular in my mind...

This is what confuses us so much. It seems as though if one of her friends is getting married engaged, etc, she is fine. But the SECOND she is not gettng the full attention at home, she starts it...

I dont think she is capable of hurting herself in that aspect. She will go all day without eating infront of us but at 2 in the morning will make herself eggs and vege bacon and cereal. Its as long as we dont see her with it....

Fh said hes afraid to even have the e-party because he doesnt want the whole party to revolve around her.... as it has with previous holidays, etc...

However... in all honesty...my father is the same way...with the attention... wants it all the time...

Im exactly like my mom... we hate attention and will do anything to avoid it... hence my 40 person wedding...

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Posted by MrsFazz2B

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Posted by Future Mulligan

send her a$$ to a pyschologist/psychiatrist

your sister may not be sick with anorexica but she is still sick in the head.......its not normal for a 21 year old (or anyone, any age) to exhibit this kind of extreme behavior. she needs help. its sad but i can see how frustrated you are. she actually might hurt herself 'trying' to get attention. how do you know that she wont do something even crazier - worst case commit suicide if everyone keeps ignoring her? i mean, it mind sound far fetched now, but the closer it comes to your wedding the worse she will become with her attention seeking - and when people are mentally unstable they are capable of anything - even suicide....she sounds like she needs serious help. did the other doctors recommend that she a professional? im sorry that you are going through this. it kind of sounds like your sister is very selfish - but at the same time she probably cant help herself if this is some sort of mental thing - which is what it sounds like.

---

The doctor who spoke to me was the fourth doctor, from staten island...she was associated with Schnieders childrens Hospital at the time...

She said basically that all her tests came back perfect. She is healthier than the average girl and that it is all psychological.

At the time my sister was seeing a Dr.Tilson, and he released her and said she was okay. Then when she turned 18, she started the 'vegan' diet and got skinny again. The second people began to notice, and make comments, is when she stuck with the 'act'...
She has so much attention as it is. She is a beautiful girl. Boys love her, she craves the attention, she is joining a sorority.... shes quite popular in my mind...

This is what confuses us so much. It seems as though if one of her friends is getting married engaged, etc, she is fine. But the SECOND she is not gettng the full attention at home, she starts it...

I dont think she is capable of hurting herself in that aspect. She will go all day without eating infront of us but at 2 in the morning will make herself eggs and vege bacon and cereal. Its as long as we dont see her with it....

Fh said hes afraid to even have the e-party because he doesnt want the whole party to revolve around her.... as it has with previous holidays, etc...

However... in all honesty...my father is the same way...with the attention... wants it all the time...

Im exactly like my mom... we hate attention and will do anything to avoid it... hence my 40 person wedding...

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awww....i feel bad for you guys.....maybe you can talk to her? and tell her how much it hurts you? and that you notice how her behavior changes when the spotlight is off her.....and that you catch her secretly eating.....maybe if you are honest and tell her that you think its an act and that its hurting you maybe she will stop? or at least be less dramatic about it?