So, I'm Jewish and FH is Catholic. We agreed to have a non-religious wedding, however, a family friend of his, who is clergy was going to marry us in a non-denominational ceremony. The only reason that we chose this guy is b/c he is a family friend and means something to FH and I am totally fine with that.
My mother, who is Jewish, is fighting this tooth and nail - saying that if I have a priest, regardless of the non-denominational ceremony - it will be a catholic wedding OR will not be seen in the eyes of god at all and therefore, starting out on the wrong foot. She wants to pay for a Rabbi, which I can really care less about. She mentioned today, that these are her wishes and I really should see not going wtih a rabbi as disrespecting what she wants.
So.....Do I stick to my guns and not fight for a rabbi b/c I dont really care, OR do I try to argue the issue and get a rabbi to make peace with my mother?
FullersBride
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
How about ou do BOTH!!! I had a friend who was Jewish and her FH was Catholic. They had a Christina minister and a Rabbi and did a joint ceremony. I thought it was one of the best seremonies I've been too. It was truly a joining of two different families. Just a thought!!
TnOiOnL
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religion is SO imporant to alot of parents.. is it worth it to you to make your mother happy? If so- ive heard of alot of girls who have both a priest and rabbi...
its definatly something to think about... my FH and I also are 2 different religions so I know this topic is rough...
DNicholes
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
Posted by FullersBride
How about ou do BOTH!!! I had a friend who was Jewish and her FH was Catholic. They had a Christina minister and a Rabbi and did a joint ceremony. I thought it was one of the best seremonies I've been too. It was truly a joining of two different families. Just a thought!!
Fh & I have friends who did the same thing!
rkl1130
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
I don't see why you can't do both. So many people do it and I think it's beautiful. This is such a touchy subject for most parents, so it always causes lots of aggravation.
Christys0925
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I have seen alot of ceremonies do both on 'Whose wedding is it anyway' and they were nice
chatxleau24
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I can understand.
My FH is Catholic. Im both Catholic and Jewish. My moms uncle is a Catholic priest and he is marrying us at the reception hall. My FMIL then said why were we BOTHERING getting married if we werent doing it in a church. She wanted me to get my sacraments and everything. I refused. Eventually - she just stopped. So I guess Im lucky. or maybe she didnt stoip- but she speaks mostly portuguese and maybe i just dont know what the heck she's saying.
If your mom wants it THAT bad to pay for it. and if it doesnt matter that much to you, why dont you do it and she will get off your back - its prob not worth the aggravation.
However if anyone insists on anyone changing their rligion - then id fight it.
Good Luck!!
MrsQ-in2007
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
One of my BM's is Catholic and her husband is Jewish. They got married in a catholic church by a priest, but also had a jewish cantor there and they both did the ceremony. It was VERY nice and worked out very well.
I think it will be very nice to have both.
On a side note, unless you get married in a catholic church, it is NOT a catholic wedding/ceremony/marriage. Just FYI for your mom.
lizzynyu
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It's not the same thing but FH and I are not the same religion. I am Episcopalean (Protestant) and FH was raised Catholic. Well, I wanted an outdoor ceremony and FH's parents were not gonna go for it b/c they are very religious and Catholic priests will only marry you inside a church. I'm not as religious as he is but I won't convert to Catholicism and FMIL has offered to pay for us to get married in the church. However, I wanted an Episcopal priest so we spoke to the Monsenier and he agreed to allow the Episcopal priest say a blessing and possibly announce us married as well out of respect for my family's religion. I think you can totally do both as we are doing and I know a lot of people who are getting married who are Jewish and Catholic. Explain though to your mom that its not a traditional catholic ceremony because a Catholic priest will ONLY marry inside a church.
diva7531
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
Posted by FullersBride
How about ou do BOTH!!! I had a friend who was Jewish and her FH was Catholic. They had a Christina minister and a Rabbi and did a joint ceremony. I thought it was one of the best seremonies I've been too. It was truly a joining of two different families. Just a thought!!
Yup I say go for both make everyone happy. It seems to mean a lot to your mom and since you don't mind and she is willing to pay, both would be my suggestion. Hope it works out!
HamptonsBride
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
Posted by abslout She mentioned today, that these are her wishes and I really should see not going wtih a rabbi as disrespecting what she wants.
no disrespect to your mom, but this is YOUR wedding, and YOUR marriage...and it should be what you & FH want...how could she even say 'you are disrespecting what she wants' that is just selfish of her to put her wants before yours. It drives me nuts when parents pull this kind of stuff...my Dad is the same way..
FH was raised Catholic but doesn't beleive in Jesus..go figure..and I am Lutheran but always say I have more 'faith' than religion...we are having FSIL perform the ceremony (she is Catholic & got ordained online), because like you we wanted someone who had meaning do it & the town clerk will step into to make it all legal with the state & town.
But here was something interesting the new Pastor at my parents church told me...at least for Lutherans...marriage is not a 'christian' thing...meaning, it's not only Christians that get married...people of all religions do it...for us we don't receive communion and it's not considered a sacrament, so getting married by a clerk or judge is fine. As he said 'Jesus didn't invent marriage'...he came up with baptism & communion...i was laughing when he said this..but it's so true..i used this argument with my Dad Good Luck!!
Marchbride07
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
Get a rabbi...I just think it will make the day for everyone both jewish and catholic if she is so hard pressed about it
dgirl
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
I was in a similar situation. I am Jewish and FH is Catholic. Neither one of us is very religious but we equally celebrate everything. We both opted to have a priest and a rabbi perform our ceremony. My mom flipped out. She wants a rabbi only. She loves FH, she's over it that I am not marrying a Jewish guy, but she just wanted to have a Jewish ceremony. She said the same kinds of things as your mom, that I am not respecting her, etc.
But at the end of the day you have to do what you and your FH want. The hardest thing about this wedding has been my mom coming to grips with the interfaith ceremony, but it just would feel wrong to fight for what she wants. I really do feel that I could wind up convincing FH if I really wanted to but I opted to pick my battles and I happen to think having both is going to be really pretty.
Anyway, sorry this is so long, but I just think if you and your FH decided to have the wedding with this officiant, and neither one of you felt like you were obligated to someone else in doing so, that its not fair to him to force something on him because your mom wants it. I'm 30 and I feel like I totally 'grew up' over this issue because my mom and I are so close and I usually do things that she wants if she brings respect into it. But in this case I had to go with my FH. It really tore me up (sleep loss, etc) but I had to do it.
I hope that helps! Feel free to FM if you want to talk.
Edited because I can't spell. Sorry!
dplehat
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
Don't fall for your mothers guilt trip. It is the oldest trick in the book. Stick to your guns and do what you want. You are only getting married once so have the ceremony that will make you and Fh happy.
rachie
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
I am jewish and FH is catholic - we are having both a reverend and a cantor to appease both families as well
natseven
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
I say do both and make everyone happy.
PurpleGrl156
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
Posted by diva7531
Posted by FullersBride
How about ou do BOTH!!! I had a friend who was Jewish and her FH was Catholic. They had a Christina minister and a Rabbi and did a joint ceremony. I thought it was one of the best seremonies I've been too. It was truly a joining of two different families. Just a thought!!
Yup I say go for both make everyone happy. It seems to mean a lot to your mom and since you don't mind and she is willing to pay, both would be my suggestion. Hope it works out!
I agree!!! You will be doubly blessed
gpurple
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
DOES YOUR FM care if you also have a Rabbi?
Thats what you should do, then, have both
we all seem to have these religious issues!
Keep us posted on what happens!
I can relate !
lisalisa27
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
Posted by FullersBride
How about ou do BOTH!!! I had a friend who was Jewish and her FH was Catholic. They had a Christina minister and a Rabbi and did a joint ceremony. I thought it was one of the best seremonies I've been too. It was truly a joining of two different families. Just a thought!!
Yes I was going to say this. They are done with both.
snydl40
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Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue
I agree-I would do a both and have a joint ceremony.
