Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

Original post by abslout

Mar 02, 2007 12:49 PM

I need your advice -

So, I'm Jewish and FH is Catholic. We agreed to have a non-religious wedding, however, a family friend of his, who is clergy was going to marry us in a non-denominational ceremony. The only reason that we chose this guy is b/c he is a family friend and means something to FH and I am totally fine with that.

My mother, who is Jewish, is fighting this tooth and nail - saying that if I have a priest, regardless of the non-denominational ceremony - it will be a catholic wedding OR will not be seen in the eyes of god at all and therefore, starting out on the wrong foot. She wants to pay for a Rabbi, which I can really care less about. She mentioned today, that these are her wishes and I really should see not going wtih a rabbi as disrespecting what she wants.

So.....Do I stick to my guns and not fight for a rabbi b/c I dont really care, OR do I try to argue the issue and get a rabbi to make peace with my mother?

tbone66 Posted: Mar 02, 2007 07:51 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

We are getting a rabbi and a minister. I am not religious but FH is kinda religious. We are customizing our ceremoney to say what we want it to say with the rabbi (who is very, very reformed). This way, we are satisfying both sides of our families.

Captsarkasm Posted: Mar 02, 2007 10:59 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

I would say if she is going to pay for it....then whats the harm in having both of them there???

jaiese Posted: Mar 02, 2007 11:15 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

I think you have to do what you think is right, not just do what your mother thinks is right. I feel like a wedding is the beginning of your life as a couple, so what you decide together is more important than what anyone outside your relationship thinks.

ammy1403 Posted: Mar 03, 2007 02:03 AM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

I agree with have the 2 clergy there. My best friend is Jewish and husband wasn't - the ceremony was beautiful and the rabbi she had was very funny. Seemed like he knew them for years.

StarryEyedBride Posted: Mar 03, 2007 04:16 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

Posted by FullersBride

How about ou do BOTH!!! I had a friend who was Jewish and her FH was Catholic. They had a Christina minister and a Rabbi and did a joint ceremony. I thought it was one of the best seremonies I've been too. It was truly a joining o

f two different families. Just a thought!!

I agree. This would be my suggestion. Have them both there and integrate them into the ceremony. I think that would be beautiful and make everyone happy

amyandbill Posted: Mar 03, 2007 04:29 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

I am Jewish and my husband is Catholic. Normally I would say do what you want but I understand where your mom is coming from. Our ceremony was performed by a judge because we wanted to make it as equal as possible. Good Luck!

snowcat Posted: Mar 03, 2007 05:34 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

My friend is Catholic and her husband is Jewish- they had a judge marry them, did a unity candle and broke a glass- a true combining of the faiths. Maybe your mom will relax if you do parts of the traditional Jewish ceremony? Good luck!

stoebe07 Posted: Mar 03, 2007 06:36 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

Fh and I are of different religions.
Fh is catholic, I am jewish. We are really not religious. To make my family happy, we are getting married by an interfaith rabbi... and then a priest.
It is hard to do what you want sometimes, but sometimes it is best to have both present so you can move on with your wedding plans.

LaurenluvsTJ Posted: Mar 03, 2007 06:47 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

My husband and I are also different religions. We had a non-denominational officiant, but she had a Reverend in front of her name and there was a big argument between me and my mom that a Rev. did not mean it was part of the Catholic religion. For some reason parents get all 'religiony' when it comes to these kind of things, even if they are not religious at all. I finally convinced my mom that the Rev. was not religious - that rev. is just a term of respect in many different religions. We had a completely non-religious ceremony.
HOWEVER, if your officiant is a priest, then I do think you should have both a priest and a rabbi. It is only fair to represent both sides. Many people do this, and if it will make your mom happy, I think it is woth it.

PegaLega Posted: Mar 03, 2007 07:38 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

In one case I have to say its your wedding do what YOU BOTH want. Its your day, etc. etc. And if it isnt a big issue to you it really shouldnt upset or be considered 'disrespectful' to anyone. It is yours and FHs day.
BUT
At the same time, if it isnt a big deal to you either way, let her pay for it and do both. If she asks for nothing more then that and is willing to pay for it I would do it just so there was no guilt about it until the wedding.
HTH, Im sure it didnt but maybe

daniebc16 Posted: Mar 03, 2007 11:57 PM

Re: Need your opinion..Major Religion Issue

You can do both, however, if your FH is Catholic, this minister who is marrying you is not, so it isn't the same as if you would be getting married by your specific religious affiliants...so there could be a problem with that if HIS parents feel slighted that you have a rabbi and he does not have a Catholic priest...But in the end, it is your decision and you need to make the best choice for the both of you. Good luck!