never going to happen..vent

hello ladies.
i have been on this site many times as a lurker...lol and i must say congrats to all of you lucky girls that are planning your special day.
i have been with my fh for about 7 years. We have been living together and engaged for 5.
my only regret is not pushing the whole wedding issue on him after he proposed.
living together,he now feels that we are married already so what is the point of wasting soo much money on a wedding.
the thing is, i want a wedding soo bad..its really driving me crazy because i just feel like he doesnt want that kind of a committment with me, or he is just tooo comfortable with the situation.
we basically live our life day by day, we dont plan or discuss the future, it drives me crazy to think that i invested so many years and i could end because we dont see eye to eye.

aww i'm sorry your in that situation. Maybe you can have a talk with him and tell him how much you would love to have a wedding, how it's every girls dream. But i see what your saying with the living together thing feeling like marriage.
Maybe you can convince him to have a small intimate ceremoney. I hope everything works out for you.

I agree you have to sit him down and talk to him about this, but make sure that you're willing to walk away from a 7-year relationship over a wedding.

Besides the wedding issue, is your relationship satisfying to you? If not, then it might be best for you to consider ending it. But if it is, I don't think it's worth ending a relationship because you want a wedding and he doesn't.

Remember the wedding is only ONE day... a couple of hours. After the wedding, you still have to go back and live with him and do all the mundane day-to-day things that you're doing now.

Good luck.

Hey, maybe he'd worried about spending the $$ but you don't have to overboard and he has remember you will GET A LOT of gifts (shower, wedding, etc) You'll make some $$ for the bank.

Maybe if you got the ballrolling with looking at some places? Schedule some appointments to see some RH. He'll have no choice but to think about it again!

Also remind him, a wedding includes an amazing honeymoon!

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Posted by KPAC

Hey, maybe he'd worried about spending the $$ but you don't have to overboard and he has remember you will GET A LOT of gifts (shower, wedding, etc) You'll make some $$ for the bank.

Maybe if you got the ballrolling with looking at some places? Schedule some appointments to see some RH. He'll have no choice but to think about it again!

Also remind him, a wedding includes an amazing honeymoon!

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i used to think it was about the money, but we take vacations at least 2 times a year, which im totally willing to sacrifice for the sake of a wedding. i dont even mind going to city hall and getting a license. its gotten to a point where when i do mention a wedding i feel foolish cuz i know we are on different pages. by the way i am 26 and he is 29. i know we are both VERY young, but i just feel like i need something to look forward to.

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Posted by sadbride3

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Posted by KPAC

Hey, maybe he'd worried about spending the $$ but you don't have to overboard and he has remember you will GET A LOT of gifts (shower, wedding, etc) You'll make some $$ for the bank.

Maybe if you got the ballrolling with looking at some places? Schedule some appointments to see some RH. He'll have no choice but to think about it again!

Also remind him, a wedding includes an amazing honeymoon!

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i used to think it was about the money, but we take vacations at least 2 times a year, which im totally willing to sacrifice for the sake of a wedding. i dont even mind going to city hall and getting a license. its gotten to a point where when i do mention a wedding i feel foolish cuz i know we are on different pages. by the way i am 26 and he is 29. i know we are both VERY young, but i just feel like i need something to look forward to.

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In my opinion if he's 29 he should be able to have a conversation about your future together....he's almost thirty. Are you willing to wait until he's almost 40+???

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Posted by novia26

Hi, maybe he feels he doesn't need to talk about the future with you because he thinks you are always going to be there. You need to tell him what you want. If he accepts great, and if he doesn't then you need to seriously think about yourself and what makes you happy. Good Luck !

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I completely agree with novia, you have to talk straight to him and tell him what is going on.. After 7 years in a relation you need to know where are you guys going

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Posted by novia26

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Posted by sadbride3

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Posted by KPAC

Hey, maybe he'd worried about spending the $$ but you don't have to overboard and he has remember you will GET A LOT of gifts (shower, wedding, etc) You'll make some $$ for the bank.

Maybe if you got the ballrolling with looking at some places? Schedule some appointments to see some RH. He'll have no choice but to think about it again!

Also remind him, a wedding includes an amazing honeymoon!

---

i used to think it was about the money, but we take vacations at least 2 times a year, which im totally willing to sacrifice for the sake of a wedding. i dont even mind going to city hall and getting a license. its gotten to a point where when i do mention a wedding i feel foolish cuz i know we are on different pages. by the way i am 26 and he is 29. i know we are both VERY young, but i just feel like i need something to look forward to.

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In my opinion if he's 29 he should be able to have a conversation about your future together....he's almost thirty. Are you willing to wait until he's almost 40+???

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lol..thats the thing i dont want to wait anymore..i thinking of just giving him an ultimatum, either set a date or he can have the engagement ring back.

Is it that he doesn't want a wedding? Or he doesn't want to get married?

IMO, the person you spend your life with has to want the same things as you. with small stuff, you compromise, but if you're thinking about marriage and the future while he's unwilling to even discuss it, then you have to really take a step back and evaluate. can you have an honest conversation with him about the things that are important to you as well as the doubts that have bubbled up as a result of not addressing those things? talk to him and give it some time if you think things could still turn around. otherwise, you have to decide what you are and are not willing to sacrifice for this guy. if it were me, i might be willing to compromise with the wedding, but not on marriage and the future.

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Posted by CMS

Is it that he doesn't want a wedding? Or he doesn't want to get married?

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That's exactly what I was wondering?

Since he's given you an engagement ring years ago, it seems he wants to be commited to you.

Guys aren't all gung-ho into the wedding like we are, and I think the whole idea sort of intimidates them in the beginning.

I think you need to sit him down and let him know how much it means to you. Let him know how the whole process goes, and maybe try to get him to understand some of it. If you guys plan to make it work you have to sit down, talk and meet in the middle somewhere.

Good luck!

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Posted by sadbride3

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Posted by novia26

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Posted by sadbride3

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Posted by KPAC

Hey, maybe he'd worried about spending the $$ but you don't have to overboard and he has remember you will GET A LOT of gifts (shower, wedding, etc) You'll make some $$ for the bank.

Maybe if you got the ballrolling with looking at some places? Schedule some appointments to see some RH. He'll have no choice but to think about it again!

Also remind him, a wedding includes an amazing honeymoon!

---

i used to think it was about the money, but we take vacations at least 2 times a year, which im totally willing to sacrifice for the sake of a wedding. i dont even mind going to city hall and getting a license. its gotten to a point where when i do mention a wedding i feel foolish cuz i know we are on different pages. by the way i am 26 and he is 29. i know we are both VERY young, but i just feel like i need something to look forward to.

---

In my opinion if he's 29 he should be able to have a conversation about your future together....he's almost thirty. Are you willing to wait until he's almost 40+???

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lol..thats the thing i dont want to wait anymore..i thinking of just giving him an ultimatum, either set a date or he can have the engagement ring back.

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that's what I would do...GET TOUGH...why should you compromise a life-long dream because he's 'comfortable.' However, be prepared when you give him an ultimatum, you might not be happy about what he says. Maybe he tells you he doesn't want to get married--are you prepared to walk away? Because just giving him the ring back and still being with him, isn't that much better either in my opinion.

You have to make yourself happy first and foremost!!! If hes totally against this, and its something you want, you may have to get out of that relationship... If its just money issue, then get married on one of the many vacations you take... something thats simple and may satisfy the 2 of you... maybe hes just worried about divorce down the line... since the odds are stacked against all of us... and also evaluate yourself... why are you so insistent on getting married? what would that do for you thats not getting done for you while your just living together?

sorry if that doesnt make sense.... i dont think any of us can really give you advice because im sure theres many more details to the story and we shouldnt jump to any conclusions!

you definitely need to tell him what you are feeling! You both need to be happy and if you are not happy with the present situation....then it's not going to work.You don't need to spend a FORTUNE to have a nice wedding......and it's a symbol of your commitment and LOVE for each other.. I think you really need to explain this to him...

Unfortunately, if it goes on this way, I think you are going to grow to resent him

I think you should let him know how much the wedding means to you... if he still cant understand then you have to ask yourself can you go on without being married to him or are you not willing to give up that dream.

Make yourself happy....don't be scared to follow what you want!!!!
Good luck!

Im really sorry to hear.... but you need to speak to him. Maybe his never said anything because he thinks your happy with the current arrangement. I mean you never know unelss you ask.
Good luck to you!