We've all talked about this a lot. But I feel like latley it's been more of an issue and FH is really getting upset by it. Not mad or angry upset, just disappointed upset and I hate making him feel like that.
I don't want to do it just to do it all the time. Yes there are times where i'm completely into it and that's great, but they are few and far between. All i can tell FH is that I can't help it and it really has nothing to do with him at all. Which it doesn't but of course he doesn't believe that. So, any suggestions on what to say/do?
I don't know if it's my bc or what. I've been on it for about 3 1/2 years and this has been an issue for about a year and a half. Of course FH compares how I was when we first met and I know that unrealistic b/c things just naturally change. I dunno.....
JAAMS
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Re: No 'drive'
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe just tell FH you're going through a phase, and things will pick up again.
There's always highs and lows of 'the drive'.
regy_k
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Re: No 'drive'
I would def talk to ur Dr. about it. I dont suffer from it, but then again I am not on bc, but FH sometimes do, and I know 1st hand how sad u get getting a no. feels very rejected, even tho knowing in ur brain that it has nothing to do with u. I also try to be more spontaneous and silly, that usually helps A LOT. but def 1st step is to talk to ur Dr. I tried bc for a month and went totally crazy and just decided to go off it cause it was making me insane, I explained to my Dr. and she agreed.
stinenandy2010
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Re: No 'drive'
I know exactly how you feel. I've tried switching my bc and nothing really works. The one thing I have found that really works is just trying new things. It just keeps things new and exciting.
Lsorrent
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Re: No 'drive'
We've had the same problem. I try to make a concerted effort to recognize when I've been 'neglecting' him (so to speak). He understands why, and realizes the only other option, but right now that's not an option for us. Not that he's happy about it, but he understands it. All I can tell you is to try to make a serious effort to really acknowledge it and make an effort take care of it. We were on the verge of breaking up a few years ago because we were fighting so much over this, but once I took the time to seriously think about it and put some effort in, things got MUCH better.
Lsorrent
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Re: No 'drive'
Posted by stinenandy2010 The one thing I have found that really works is just trying new things. It just keeps things new and exciting.
I definitely agree with this. Try to 'spice' things up a little
sugarnspice
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Re: No 'drive'
AngnShaun
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Re: No 'drive'
I agree with trying something new and to keep it exciting for both of you... what are some things that get you excited and in the mood... focus on them, or tell FH what they are...
MrsC2010
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Re: No 'drive'
i have had a similar problem and even though FH has been really supportive I know its frustrated him.
i just switched my BC because I had been on the same one for almost 7 years. Its only been a few days so I can't really see if there is a difference. However, I think the problem is more than just the BC...i think other factors like stress and stuff are causing the decreased drive.
i can let you know how changing my pill works out for me once im on it a little longer. But I would also just try to relax and make sure you spend time with FH away from any wedding planning or other stressors.
christine2010
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Re: No 'drive'
firstly you can't start comparing to the beginning of your relationship. beginnings are always different. (for us i was 16 & FH was 17, we had not a care in the world, just a part time job each & still lived at home).
also you have to remember that after a long day at work, the added stress of wedding planning & if you live together the household work that has to be done in the evening being too tired is okay.
i think the biggest problem is that no one really talks about these problems. your not alone.
a new thing that we try is as soon as we get home after work we have sex. we make it more of a priority over everything else we have to do.
Rosalind_75
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Re: No 'drive'
im having this problem with fh but hes the one whos lost it. it started last year. lots of things have contributed to it. work, mortgage, weight gain, wedding. it does bother me but i cant be upset at him because i know why hes not into it. the key is to communicate the feelings. im glad fh did.
chin up mama. it will come back
DaniandKen2010
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Re: No 'drive'
In our 5 year relationship we have had the same problem. Lately its just exhaustion. We literally fall into bed and pass out.
italgal
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Re: No 'drive'
Posted by JAAMS
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe just tell FH you're going through a phase, and things will pick up again.
There's always highs and lows of 'the drive'.
ITA Tell him 'it's just a female thing' He'll never question that.
AdriandSteve
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Re: No 'drive'
Posted by italgal
Posted by JAAMS
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe just tell FH you're going through a phase, and things will pick up again.
There's always highs and lows of 'the drive'.
ITA Tell him 'it's just a female thing' He'll never question that.
oooh lol. That won't work. Whenever i'm not feeling well, even if it's a 'female' thing he need to know exactly what's going on and why.
We were watching something on discovery health about a women who has a yeast infection and he asked what that was and why women get it and all these crazy questions that I wish I didn't know lol.
Lsorrent
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Re: No 'drive'
Posted by AdriandSteve
Posted by italgal
Posted by JAAMS
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe just tell FH you're going through a phase, and things will pick up again.
There's always highs and lows of 'the drive'.
ITA Tell him 'it's just a female thing' He'll never question that.
oooh lol. That won't work. Whenever i'm not feeling well, even if it's a 'female' thing he need to know exactly what's going on and why.
Yea, that works the first or second time. But when it's an ongoing occurrence, they start to take it personally. I can't tell you how many times FH and I got into a fight because he thought I didn't find him attractive anymore.
JLWSJC
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Re: No 'drive'
We have had the same issue for a couple of years now and all I hear is 'when we first got together'
And then the more he complains the even LESS I wanna do it.
It's a horrible cycle. I don't want him to feel unwanted o rnot attractive, that's not it. But he's ready to go EVERY time I see him and I'm just not. He doesn't understand that women are different. There are some times I'm into it too, but not as much as he wants.
I'm not sure what to do about it either. He thinks I'm not making any effort for him, but should I have to force myself so he doesn't get upset?
AdriandSteve
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Re: No 'drive'
Posted by JLWSJC
We have had the same issue for a couple of years now and all I hear is 'when we first got together'
And then the more he complains the even LESS I wanna do it.
It's a horrible cycle. I don't want him to feel unwanted o rnot attractive, that's not it. But he's ready to go EVERY time I see him and I'm just not. He doesn't understand that women are different. There are some times I'm into it too, but not as much as he wants.
I'm not sure what to do about it either. He thinks I'm not making any effort for him, but should I have to force myself so he doesn't get upset?
ITA to EVERYTHING you just said!!!!
Where are the 10' grooms when u need them?!?
Rosalind_75
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Re: No 'drive'
i have to say i am guilty of the 'when we first got together' nagging
i dont say it as much as i used to but i know he hates it.
reading some of these post i think i might stop all together.
JLWSJC
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Re: No 'drive'
Adrian, I'm really glad you made this post, b/c we've had some really bad conversations about this and I was starting to think we were the only 'younger' couple having this issue, and now I see we're not. MOst of our friends are single, so we don't even have a real comparison, but *whew* I'm not alone!
jcreilly
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Re: No 'drive'
Stress can play a big factory in this, I have had very stressful summer and it bothers Fh I think he was more upset on how stress I was but don't worry its normally in every relationship, Everyone goes there this at one point in their lives does not mean you don't love him, it will came back most likely on your wedding night my friend told me the second she said I DO a Hugh weight lifted over her shld. Planning a wedding can be stressful ! I am glad Im not the only one who Fh nagges them, Well when you where 18 crap lol
