No need to reply :( updated as of 4:33

Tried to talk with my mom...she ranted on and on. Said she was good for nothing, said we were all tired of her crap and that she just didnt want to be here anymore. I asked her about counselling and the like...made it worse...shes saying im calling her crazy. She says she feels like a 5th wheel now..when in fact..her fiance was sick for a while and she was always with us as a part of the family...not a 5th wheel. I said it wasnt fair to us to say she wishes she werent here...she said oh well...then she got in her car and sped off leaving me and my sister here at my house.

I am losing my mind...nothing I say is right..feels like this family is falling apart and now I feel I am entering the anger stage towards him for dieing...how can I do that??

You ladies have been wonderful with the advice and the help..theres no need to reply to this..i just needed to vent before I lost my mind.

She left the house...and now we cannot find her anywhere. Thought she went home but she didnt. Its pouring rain and thundering and her car is on the fritz...this is what I mean..how could she do this?!?! My sister is out looking for her with dh and I am here waiting for her to call or come back..

This is so not right to do to someone!

I tried to IM you this but your not signed on.....


I would just give your mom time and pray for the situtation- she will come around
dont push anymore

Noreen, maybe YOU and your sister can ask a professional for help, even without her being there At least at first. Maybe they can tell you how to word things and how to approach it.
You really are doing your best.

I think I said this the last time....

My sister reacted the SAME way when she lost a child. Let her have her space and let her deal with this the way she knows how...sometimes people just want to be heard...they don't want to be judged...NOT that you or your sister are doing that, but sometimes people just need to speak and not be spoken back too. They get defensive and feel like they are going crazy...Give her time.

In the mean time you and your sister hang in there.

we are dealing with this now with fh's dad - although i must say he just got back from a trip to see family out of state and came back a little better

good luck - it takes a lot of patience!

I think you need some

we always let her speak but now she has been saying these things for a while and it takes a toll on us who are trying to be there for her every second of the day. its like whatever we have done isnt good enough so why are we doing it..im sorry..i love my mom and i understand her totally but when she acts like we dont care about her..it really hurts me.

its almost like shes telling us that she only lived life for him anyway...and to me, thats not right even in grieving.

my father died in 2000 and my mom is still struggling with it. the begining was rfeally hard especially since my parents were very close. it doesn't matter if the other partner was sick, its still an extremely hard thing to do. she probably feels really alone and she will be a 5th wheel, thats how my mom feels even though we do evreything to fit her in. i find a lot she and i do things alone together bc to be around me and my DH is hard on her.

my mother found counseling through hospice and now through our local church. they have a group, and they meet weekly and she is doing much better since she joined. its not counseling per se but more like a chance to meet others in your situation and talk comfortably in a group. maybe you can look into this for her?!

good luck and please FM me anytime!

feel free to fm me!
- hope you find her!

I am so sorry you are going through this, be strong!

Shes home screaming at my sister and my sister is crying. Im never gonna say anything again to her..from now on im not speaking my mind..im just letting everything go...I dont know what else to do.

I am thinking of finding a group for my sister and I and if she doesnt like it theres nothing I can do. She will probably not speak to us for the rest of the night, theres nothing more I can do right now.

i'm so sorry your going through this.

It sounds like you're having such a hard time.

I think you and your sister have done everything in your power to help your mother. We can only help someone to a certain point, and then they have to want to help themselves.

It sounds like your mom is having a lot of trouble, and with the way she's talking (I'm no good to anyone, etc.), it sounds like she's depressed in a clinical sense. Even so, you cannot force her to get help. It's a very difficult situation for you and your sister to be in. I'm sure you feel a sense of responsibility to help her, and yet she's refusing any help at all...

Know in your heart that you are doing your best and don't expect anything more than that from yourself. You can only do so much. Your mother is a grown woman, and she is making her own choices in how to handle her grief. If she is unwilling to seek help, there's really not much that can be done.

It might be a good idea to look for some counseling for yourself, to help you with your own grief, and also to get some advice on how to handle your mother and her feelings and behavior. She might even see that you're going and follow your lead. Maybe you and your sister can even go together, and maybe mom will come too eventually, and you can all share the sessions?? Sometimes it just takes someone to break the ice and show the others that's it's OK to get help.

My heart goes out to you! I know what it's like to have someone close to you that obviously is struggling and needs help, but who won't listen to anyone and won't try to help themselves. It's a helpless and frustrated feeling. But it also makes you angry, too.

My prayers and hugs to you!

This time will pass! There are brighter tomorrows ahead. Keep moving forward.

Karen

Grieving is a very difficult and a very different process for everyone. Sometimes there really isnt anything more you can do. All you and your sister can do now is let her know you love her and you will be there for her when she is ready to talk and deal with her FI death. It is a very good idea for you and your sister to seek help because it may help you to deal with the grief and possibly find a way to deal with your mom. Good Luck.