Our eparty is this weekend.. backyard luau- everyone knew about it for 2 months... well i just got a call from MOH who said she can't make it now because she needs to move upstate this weekend to begin her teaching job next week and her parents need to help her move and they can't take off work monday etc etc. i'm pretty upset, but understood- FH however is furious and wants to call her and yell at her (he better not) and says I need to stick up for myself and say she needs to find a way to be there.
What am I supposed to say? she explained the situation and i coudn't think of an alternative either... should I be pissed at her? or is FH overreacting?
missjones2007
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
ok...why she didnt let you know that earlier?
i can understand her reason but she should not have waited until the last minute to tel you
PoppedInASnap
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
Its a valid reason. Maybe she thought she could juggle them both and then realized as it got close that she couldn't?
I just dont see though why she didnt realize it sooner?moving upstate is obviously a big deal you know?
dedecakes
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
Well...from a teacher's perspective...I can relate to your MOH. I'm sure she has a lot on her plate w/ starting a new teaching job (not that you don't!). So I wouldn't be too upset with her. But if it was me..I would probably move sunday if the party was saturday. If it was on a sunday...I would do everything I could to help out with the eparty the week before.
If I were in your shoes...this is what I would do. I would tell her that the party just wouldn't be the same without her and that you are willing to take a day or two off from work to help her move during the week...if it means that she will be able to attend your eparty. I know this is a huge inconvenience to you, but if you really want her there...this is def. the way to show it! Even if she doesnt agree, she might reconsider moving that weekend...knowing the lengths you would go to for HER. (Not to make her feel guilty or anything... )
pa56
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I agree that she should've told you sooner. Looks like she was procrastinating trying to tell you or trying to make alternative plans that didn't work out.
IrishBrideASmiling
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I know you are upset, but she does have a good reason. I know how you feel, FMIL didnt come to our eparty either bc of prior commitments.
MaggieLuvsJoe
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I'm sure she knew of this dilemma sooner and she should have mentioned it before. I would be pretty pissed if my MOH did this. I can understand that she may have her own things to do but the least she could have done was let you know in advance and maybe offer to spend a saturday night with you and your FH to celebrate your engagement
If I were you, I would mention to her that you are hurt by this. IMO your eparty should be an important event for her since she is the MOH...can't she meet her parents up there the following day? or come to your eparty for a few hours and leave early? Did she even suggest any kind of alternative or was she set on her choice?
hugs for you and good luck if you speak to her.
TheLadyJ
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I can understand why you are upset.
Has MOH been flaky about other things before? If yes, well then you may want to reconsider having her as your MOH if she is going to flak on something as important as your E-party. But if she has always been there for you, and has always been a good friend, then this is just one of those things where timing was awful.
Try not to take it as a personal insult towards you, and FH shouldn't make you feel that it is. Sometimes there are scheduling conflicts in life. If she is your best friend, then she already probably feels terrible about the whole thing. Don't make her feel worse.
What does your gut tell you? Is she genuinely sorry about all this, or is she trying to pull something?
kristentinnelly
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I think she should have told you sooner. If she new she had to move she should have def said something. I think I would be understanding to a fault too....my FH tells me that all the time. I never get upset when stuff like this comes up but I get disappointed and I feel like that is worse sometimes. Have a great engagement party and try not to let this bug you
little34
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I wouldn't be mad.....if nothing else works and she asked her parents to take off an alternate day and they couldn't then I would not be mad..upset and sad that she couldn't be there but not mad
FutureMrsG
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I would be upset but I would let it go. Talk to her and let her know how you feel.
Autumnbride03
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
sorry for the late reply, i'm still in the aftermath of moving and have been super busy- she says her dad just told her that day that he had a really important meeting with a client and could no longer take off which is why the late notice .
she did tell me other alternatate plans she was trying to come up with but then had a reason it wouldn't work. I couldn't think of much to do either, other than her driving down 6 hours from rochester to be at the party and have to drive back, which I'm not going to do (I'm not that bridezilla lol)
FH calmed down, he asked his sister ( who is married and also one of my BMs) what she thought and she said although it was disappointing, it isn't too big of a deal and we shouldn't be mad.
i could tell she felt really bad about it. So, it *****, but I'm not going to let it ruin the party or anything. Mostly I'm upset about the fact that she was going to finally meet his family and the rest of the bms (his sisters and a college friend) and I wanted to get some pics of all the girls and the BP. Oh well- **** happens, right?
vicky1125
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
i'd be upset but FH is overreacting. things do come up in people's lives that they can't control.
CDFT09
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
There is nothing you can do about it at this point...I'm sure she would want to be there if she could...we had several people in the wedding party miss our e-party b/c of prior commitments.
However, if she continues to miss important wedding stuff, then you may need to speak up.
MyFairLaLa
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
Posted by vicky1125
i'd be upset but FH is overreacting. things do come up in people's lives that they can't control.
Yeah...I wouldn't be so much so mad at my friend, but more at FH for overreacting. It happens.
Autumnbride03
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
FH definitely calmed down and apologized for flipping... I swear he is such a groomzilla lol I think he forgets other people have lives outside of our wedding! lol
CandB4604
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
In my opinion (and I only read your post, no one else's opinions) it's not a matter of 'you standing up for yourself.' I think it's just one of those really sucky situations. And I don't think either of you can do anything about it. I'm sorry she won't be there, but she'll be at the Shower and Rehearsal DInner, too...so don't worry - I think it's cute he's upset. He probably just loves to protect you. That's what my FH would have done too...
HTH!
Aristotelina
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
I totally see how you would be upset, BUT, dont hold a grudge or anything. As for the pictures, I would do something funny like photoshop her into one of the pictures to show her that you are not mad but wish that she was there!!
It sounds like she was broken up about it--its better then if she didnt try AT ALL and just was like..oh well. At least she agonized over it.
sorry either way though
Angelle05
Posted:
Member since
Re: no show MOH
Honestly, I would personally be VERY upset if that was my MOH. But then again, she is your MOH for a reason other than she's just a friend. So, even if you do get upset and voice your opinion to her, I'm sure your friendship is strong enough for her to understand your point of view. I do think that being a MOH involves alot of responsibility - maybe she doesn't understand how important her presence is? Maybe you should explain how much having her is was important to you and that you are just disappointed and sad that she won't be there. HTH!!! I'm sure you'll have an amazing e-party anyway!!!
