Not having an engagement party....

i have the opposite of your problem. i want a cute, small, nice e-party and my FMIL wants HER version of a mini-wedding!!
every single thing i say i want she tries to make over-the-top and extravagant so that all of her friends and family that will be attending can be so 'impressed'.
i wanted nice music (sinatra, the beatles) playing on CD's throughout the restaurant--she wanted a full DJ and dance floor. i wanted a day affair, she wanted an evening one, i wanted MAX 100 guests--she gave me her list and on her side alone was 163!!! it never ends...
i just want to have a quaint get-together to celebrate my FH and I and now the more I think about it the more I am regretting the entire thing, especially WHEN we are having it (the restaurant we booked only had two dates available--one date didn't work because my aunt-who is close- will be on a cruise so we HAD to go with the other date and what date does this happen to be?? my FMIL's birthday)...
I can already feel it coming on and the party is not until July!! Luckily, the date also happens to be my best friend's (who is in my wedding party) b-day, my parents wedding anniversary and my cousin's wedding anniversary just two years ago so if she tries to point the spot light on her i can keep bringing up everyone else's big day LOL but she INSISTED on having it in July, we couldn't do August because 'she goes on vacation' so it's too much for her (but more importantly for me, my sister is getting married this August and it's too much) but June? FMIL 'doesn't like' June...
Honestly, my best advice to you: don't do what I do and pacify her and listen to her and take what she says and thinks into consideration because it will ultimately make you unhappy! Do what you and your FH feel is right. If I could go back in time to before we booked and change it... I would have it in late September or early October of this year after my sister's wedding and when she is back from her HM with time to spare and not on my FMIL's terms! I can just see her friends singing her happy birthday at my e-party!!
good luck... i really hope that you and your fh are pleased in the end and it all works out in YOUR favor b/c this is your event and she should be caring about what you and your FH want.

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Posted by rrmikesgal

I am blessed to have a wonderful relationship with my mil however with my step-mil that is another story. For the engagement party she did not utter two words to any of my family members, for the shower she did not speak to anyone, my mom had to inform all of the guests who she was and then they introduced themselves to her not to mention the fact that she left and did not say goodbye to one person, once the invitations to the wedding came out she wanted to have a sit down because she wanted her name on the invitation ( I refused because she is not dh's mom and they are not close) or she wanted no parents names on the invitations or my mil's maiden name on the invitation, dh's father ended up paying for a new set of invitations, however when the photographer took a picture of the invitation we used the invitation that we picked out and she made a big deal about it, she has stated that a band was much more classy and she did not see why we used a dj, and the final straw was when she asked my friends at the rehearsal dinner if they thought the marriage was going to last ....Needless to say I am civil to her but that's where it ends

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it's obvious that she's not quite sure where she stands w/ the family it's really silly

I would do one! If she doesn't like it then she doesn't have to come. Sorry but this is your wedding not hers, you should do it! You can't let her walk all over you. You gotta pull your ground now, or before your married she'll have you under her thumb.

Oh and my FH and I lovely E-party at a park. It was just a simple BBQ and we had a great time. I'm very happy we did it. I felt the same way, no gifts needed. Of course not a soul listened. Don't let her ruin this for you. Go have a great eparty. I was engaged 1/8/03 and had my e-party 6/25/05. So don't let how long you;ve been engaged intimate you from having the party. You only get one chance to have an eparty. Don't let her ruin this for you. You will hold resent ment towards her for it.

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Posted by EmberLynn

I would do one! If she doesn't like it then she doesn't have to come. Sorry but this is your wedding not hers, you should do it! You can't let her walk all over you. You gotta pull your ground now, or before your married she'll have you under her thumb.

Oh and my FH and I lovely E-party at a park. It was just a simple BBQ and we had a great time. I'm very happy we did it. I felt the same way, no gifts needed. Of course not a soul listened. Don't let her ruin this for you. Go have a great eparty. I was engaged 1/8/03 and had my e-party 6/25/05. So don't let how long you;ve been engaged intimate you from having the party. You only get one chance to have an eparty. Don't let her ruin this for you. You will hold resent ment towards her for it.

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well put

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Posted by vixchik

Throw a small, intimate one with you and FH's friends only. It's the experience you seem to want, and you should have it!!

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My FH and I are pagan. We had a pagan pre wedding ceremony called a handfasting a yr and a day before our wedding. www.handfasting.org if you need to know more.
His parents don't take our beliefs seriously , they are roman catholic. So we didn't even tell them about it. We just invited a few close friends. Had a small ceremony at the officiants house and dinner at greenfield (I gave them four starts btw.) So contact a few friends and family and just do it.
Oh and if you want to spare yourself a headache. Ask one of your parents to throw the party for you. She can't complain if YOUR parents decide to throw it for you. Your their daughter, what shes gonna do?

We didnt have an egagement party. We did, however, have an engagment dinner, which was hosted by me and FH. It was immediate family only, about 20 people, and we had it at a restaurant. It was more for our families to meet and get to know one another.

Engagement parties aren't exactly my parents 'thing', as my sisters didn't have one either, but it's what WE wanted, so that's what WE did. And we emphasized that it was a dinner, not a party, and no gifts were to be bought.

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Posted by EMES2006

We didnt have an egagement party. We did, however, have an engagment dinner, which was hosted by me and FH. It was immediate family only, about 20 people, and we had it at a restaurant. It was more for our families to meet and get to know one another.

Engagement parties aren't exactly my parents 'thing', as my sisters didn't have one either, but it's what WE wanted, so that's what WE did. And we emphasized that it was a dinner, not a party, and no gifts were to be bought.

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thats a good idea!

Her reason for her not wanting us to have one is because 'no one has them anymore and its like you are just looking for extra gifts'

Nice right.

FMIL has caused a problem with EVERYTHING. She wanted a big party, I wanted a little one, family only. So miraculously, I got what I wanted.

BUT...FH & went back to my dad's to open our gifts. My grandma from FL was there and I wanted to spend time with her. It really wasn't a big deal. Then one of my dad's friends dropped by to say hello to me. FMIL interpreted that as a 'party' she wasn't invited to and STILL brings it up (it was in November!)

I keep having to give her the same answer 'its my dad's house. He lives there. My grandmother was visiting and one person wanted to say hello to me who hadn't seen me in awhile. It wasn't a party.'

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Posted by Mdolph6

Her reason for her not wanting us to have one is because 'no one has them anymore and its like you are just looking for extra gifts'

Nice right.

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Do you know what you do. You go on LIWs and do a poll of girls who had some kind of engagement party. Then show her the very high number of brides right here on LI having them. That just makes me mad!