not in the wedding party....

I know this should be on brides helping brides, but I feel so much closer to you girls!

I got married last year and I had my future sister in law in the bridal party (DH's brother's fiance)

They are getting married this fall - she did not ask me to be in the bridal party
(at this point I will be a sister in law as we are already married)

My feelings really really hurt - do you think I am justified?????

Edited for spelling

I think you are totally justified, you did ask her to be in your BP and obviously feel a closeness to her. But as you know since you were a bride not too long ago, she doesn't have to reciprocate. Maybe she feels that you have enough going on and doesn't want to burden you with the expenses, maybe she'll ask you to be a reader or share her day in another special way, maybe she has way too many siblings or relatives or friends from whenever that she always envisioned being in her BP. Whatever her reasons, try to understand and not get too sad over it (or hurt) I know it's easier said than done...

OK, maybe I don't know what I'm talking about. Here's a ! Sorry you feel bad! Be strong and offer to be there for her anyway - being the 'bigger and better' person shouldn't be too hard for you!

I definitely understand you being upset. Yes, maybe she has some 'legit' reasons, but I think that she owed you an explanation. It would have been a different story if she came to you and said - hey - I have so many people in my BP but I would love for you to be a reader, or something like. I still think she should have asked you to be in it, but like I said - the least she could have done was talked to you about it.

I think she should have asked you too! or at least give you the option to say yes I want to be in the bridal party or say thank but i cant . who knows maybe she didn't ask people yet or maybe she will ask you to be the reader. goodluck i hope things workout for you.

It could possibly be, she has a certain number of girls she wants to be in her bridal party. I knew I wanted a small amount of people, and I kept it at that.

But, she is defintely wrong for not asking you, I guess other people don't care to hurt other people's feelings.

I think you're completely justified! I would be hurt too.

Thanks girls! It's good to know that my feelings are justified.

I know the girls ordered their dresses already (MIL told me) but I think you're right - she could have offered an explanation or said something to kind of acknowledge the situation.

I really consider her a good friend, I guess that is why I am so hurt!

Thanks for the hugs!

I would be hurt too, especially since it seems like she's sort of hiding her plans from you (you have to hear from MIL regarding her planning, etc.). I think she could have included you somehow if she really wanted to make an effort. Especially since you are family

I guess it depends on how close you are. I could understand being hurt, but she isn't under any obligation to ask you. I only had an MOH because there were too many people to ask and frankly, I don't really enjoy being a BM myself.

I also, would be an little annoyed. There could be many reasons behind why she didnt ask you. We can only assume what they are.



ETA: when my BIL got married and they were taking pics, I was asked not to be in the family picture even though I was in the bridal party because I was not yet family. My hubby insisted and I ended up getting in the pic. When I go tmarried my BIL & SIl were in my party and I wanted to do a sibling only shot with my sister and brother and his sister and brother. Just our blood siblings not in laws. well my sil got mad at me for that and on my wedding day she slapped me. I will never forget it. and I had to be the better person when I had my son and I apologized to HER. I told her whatever happened in the past is gone live in today. But believe me she will get hers one of these days. As Ive been saying with this situation the Lord works in mysterious ways

I would be mad too!

I am having my younger brother's girlfriend in my wedding and believe me when they get married I will be pissed if I am not in the wedding party!

Also...my mom was not a part of her brother's wedding and she is hurt to this day and that was like 30 years ago!

You deserve an explanation ATLEAST!

I would be angry and hurt also. Since she wasn't big enough to explain why, I would just put less in the envelope!

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Posted by t

I also, would be an little annoyed. There could be many reasons behind why she didnt ask you. We can only assume what they are.



ETA: when my BIL got married and they were taking pics, I was asked not to be in the family picture even though I was in the bridal party because I was not yet family. My hubby insisted and I ended up getting in the pic. When I go tmarried my BIL & SIl were in my party and I wanted to do a sibling only shot with my sister and brother and his sister and brother. Just our blood siblings not in laws. well my sil got mad at me for that and on my wedding day she slapped me. I will never forget it. and I had to be the better person when I had my son and I apologized to HER. I told her whatever happened in the past is gone live in today. But believe me she will get hers one of these days. As Ive been saying with this situation the Lord works in mysterious ways

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AMEN!!


Wow, I think there would have been an all out BRAWL if my SIL slapped me on my wedding day!! You are the bigger woman girlfriend, I would have freaked on her!! I had a similiar situation at my wedding. At my BIL's/SIL's wedding, I was engaged to hubby but was not in one single family pic (whatever) but yet at my wedding, they had their own photo shoot w/my photographer and my film

My brother's wife pulled the same crap when the photographer (not me) had me take a picture with my brothers only. She stood in the background and trying to make it sound like my niece was questioning it (she was eight when we got married and could have cared less). She said aloud 'NO HEATHER WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO BE IN THE PICTURE BECAUSE AFTER ALL, WE'RE NOT FAAAAMMMILLYY'. I wanted to rip her hair out after that (and basically through the entire wedding because she was acting like a major BEEEOOOTTCHHH!!). Meanwhile she WAS in the wedding party. Ugghh, you gotta love inlaws...they totally blow! I would definitely do what another poster suggested. Give less and don't knock yourself out with the giving or the nice thoughts.

I hope I didn't offend anyone I had twelve girls and as much as I would love to have added maybe five more, I just really, truly couldn't...

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Posted by BMD'sPeanut

I hope I didn't offend anyone I had twelve girls and as much as I would love to have added maybe five more, I just really, truly couldn't...

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Like someone mentioned, I was a bride recently and I understand the need to 'trim' the bridal party.

She only has one sister and there are 6 in her BP - the rest are friends. I think the MAJOR reason I'm upset is because she didn't even offer me an explanation. I've really helped her a lot with the wedding and I feel really slighted.

And if I'm being totally honest - I feel a little stupid too. I feel like his family is going to be whispering about it. I think I look a little stupid.

Edited for spelling

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Posted by t

I also, would be an little annoyed. There could be many reasons behind why she didnt ask you. We can only assume what they are.



ETA: when my BIL got married and they were taking pics, I was asked not to be in the family picture even though I was in the bridal party because I was not yet family. My hubby insisted and I ended up getting in the pic. When I go tmarried my BIL & SIl were in my party and I wanted to do a sibling only shot with my sister and brother and his sister and brother. Just our blood siblings not in laws. well my sil got mad at me for that and on my wedding day she slapped me. I will never forget it. and I had to be the better person when I had my son and I apologized to HER. I told her whatever happened in the past is gone live in today. But believe me she will get hers one of these days. As Ive been saying with this situation the Lord works in mysterious ways

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WOW! I'm really sorry that happened to you!

YES i would feel hurt...

Yes, you are entitled to feel a little hurt, but I wouldn't let it ruin your relationship with her. People have tons of reasons why they choose certain people and not others. I have known people who didn't reciprocate in asking someone to be in their bridal parties.

I would be hurt for a brief time but sometimes being spared that 'honor' works to your advantage when the other BM's get cranky and difficult.