Not one to ask for prayers....UPDATED w/bad news

but since this is starting out to be one of the worst days of my life, i figured whens a better time to ask?

My grandmother has had pancreatic cancer for almost two years. The last few months she has been quickly detioriating and it looks like this weekend will be the end. She was taken to a hospice in the Bronx this morning and put on a respirator. I took the day off work cuz I knew I wouldve broken down. I was on my way to class though and I called my mother to check up on what was going on and she was crying that my grandmother only has about 2 days. I called my job, my boss gave me as many days as I need and I went to my professor and told her I didnt know when I would be back. Luckily, they are very very understanding. Im waiting right now for my uncle to pick me and my cousin up to take us to the hospice. I had a baby shower this weekend and we were going for tuxes also so I had to cancel all of that.

I really dont like getting so personal on a public forum but it feels like my world is crashing. My grandmother practically raised me and I lived with her most of my life. I dont know how Im going to manage on my wedding day. Its bad enough my grandfather (her husband) passed away a year and a half ago so now I will have neither of them there with me. The wedding was all she talked about with me and she did as much as she could for my shower. She insisted on paying for the cake and she even showed up, very very weak. What breaks my heart is that she wanted to go to my shower so bad and after she left and went home, she bled for hours from her bellybutton because of all the moving she did. She's been afraid to go to sleep for weeks in fear of not being able to wake up.

Im so so so so MAD for this happening. She raised me and my boy cousins and all we wanted to give her was great grandkids and have her at our weddings. I honestly dont know how I am going to manage.

Please keep me and my family in your prayers. Especially for my little siblings and cousins who are 16, 15, 13,11,10,8, and 7. They were traumatized enough with my grandfathers passing and now they have to go through this. My little cousins the 11 and 8 yr old have been living with my grandmother for the past few months and have witnessed her detioriation first hand. I know this is something that will stick with them forever.

Update: I just got back from the hospice in the Bronx. From the moment we got there we knew it wasnt much longer but we didnt realize how QUICK the moment would actually come. Seeing her on the respirator was pretty traumatizing. I stayed in the room with her the whole time with my family. My family is very religious so about 2 hrs in we decided to pray, sing a few hymns and say a few words about her. Right when we were done we could tell her breaths were getting a lot less frequent. In about five minutes she gave her last breath. It was the worst thing Ive ever seen and experienced.

After the huuuge wave of emotions that followed I feel alot better. I have a big pain in my stomach from nerves but Im just glad her suffering is over.

Thank you everyone for keeping us in your thoughts.