Not sure how to feel about this....

My FSIL (also MOH) wants to dedicate a song to my FH (her brother). Now i don't know if she wants it to just be played while she dances with him alone (which i don't want!!), or if everyone else will dance also. Is this a common thing?
I have 2 problems with it.
#1- he wanted to use the song for his mother/son dance.
#2- I feel like shes trying to have the spotlight shine on her. i keep having to remind her this day is not about her.

but should i not let this bother me and let her do her thing? (as long as its not some 'spotlight dance' kinda thing) or should i nix it?

I think they could announce that she dedicates it to him..but it shouldn't be spotlight..ALSO she should pick a different song if its going to be the mother/son song..

PS they don't have to dance alone

I am going through the same EXACT thing. I am not allowing it. I made it seem like #1 - it takes away from the parent dances and you wouldnt want that, right? and #2 - I am trying to have a traditional wedding, that isnt a traditional thing to do.

I feel for you soooo much! Is she young? That is the excuse in my situation, well she is 17 or 18.

uh oh i see a problem coming. I asked his mother what she thought his sister had planned, and she says she thought she wanted a spotlight dance. Sorry, thats not happening!!
I'll talk to her tonight about it.
GRRR!

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Posted by nferrandi

Definitely no spotlight dance. It's completely inappropriate. I'm not even sure if FH and I will have one. We'll probably start the wedding with our song and alone, but then ask peopel to join us on the dance floor. The only spotlight dances will probably be the father/daughter and mother/son.

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same here..

but what i dont understand is if shes ur MOH why is she having a hard time grasping that shes not in the spotlight ...u are

I'm not agreeing or disagreeing but I went to a wedding where the bride and her brother danced alone to 'You'll Always be a Part of Me' and it was really sweet. They are really close to each other.
I don't think I'd do something like that with my brother but I thought it was nice for the two of them.

Okay, not only is this non-traditional and spotlight competition, it's inappropriate in a weird, creepy, almost incestuous way!!

Well, at least to me. I don't have the type of relationship with my brother where I would have a slow, spotlight dance just the two of us. Eew and oh no. As a guest at your wedding, I personally would probably be a little grossed out if this was not done right.

I would say cut this unnecessary me!me!me! scene entirely, or just do the dedication and no dance, DON'T use the parent dance song, and don't let them be out there dancing alone. That is really weird to me. Once more, I must reiterate, eew and ick.

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Posted by tracyg

uh oh i see a problem coming. I asked his mother what she thought his sister had planned, and she says she thought she wanted a spotlight dance. Sorry, thats not happening!!
I'll talk to her tonight about it.
GRRR!

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i would nix it...#1 it is your day...dedicating is one thing but not spotlight #2 people get bored aftre watching a million dances..... i am choosing to have people join us on the dance floor after like a minute or so... i think it is nice

i also want the band to play both my FIL's wedding song and my parnets wedding song but have everyone dance
bottom line if it makes you uncomfortable then no way jose

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Posted by Stacey04

I think they could announce that she dedicates it to him..but it shouldn't be spotlight..ALSO she should pick a different song if its going to be the mother/son song..

PS they don't have to dance alone

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I totally agree! Its your day!

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Posted by JimmysBride
Okay, not only is this non-traditional and spotlight competition, it's inappropriate in a weird, creepy, almost incestuous way!!

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I don't think she was talking about her FH dancing the Lambada with his sister. I dance with my brother all the time, slow dancing at weddings, swing dancing, ball room dancing, etc. I don't find dancing 'incestous' at all. It's fun and my brother is a great dancer!
If it's stealing the spotlight that she is concerned about, that is completely different situation, but there should not be anything 'incestuous' about dancing with your family.

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Posted by Jan05Bride

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Posted by JimmysBride
Okay, not only is this non-traditional and spotlight competition, it's inappropriate in a weird, creepy, almost incestuous way!!

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I don't think she was talking about her FH dancing the Lambada with his sister. I dance with my brother all the time, slow dancing at weddings, swing dancing, ball room dancing, etc. I don't find dancing 'incestous' at all. It's fun and my brother is a great dancer!
If it's stealing the spotlight that she is concerned about, that is completely different situation, but there should not be anything 'incestuous' about dancing with your family.

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I actually agree with you 100%... I dance with my brother all the time: salsa, merengue, mambo, bachata....

But for some reason a slow, spotlight dance at his wedding just doesn't seem right me... Incestuous was probably a harsh word to use, but the mental picture her post conjured up for me wasn't really comfortable... I don't think she has to cut the thing out altogether, I just think the spotlight dance is a bit much.

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Posted by Lorena

I just wanted to say that I am so surprised by the reaction to your FH dancing with his sister.

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reasons i am against it--

#1- i don't think its appropriate for a wedding (only because i think it takes away from the bride and groom and parent dances). Especially if its just the two of them out there with me sitting with my thumb up my butt at our seat. (clarify- not appropriate that SHE is making this decision without FH's knowledge. It's not up to her to plan our dances for us)

#2- because of her track record of trying to do things 'to stand out'. She doesn't realize this day isn't about her.

#3- if she wants to do it at her wedding fine. But she wants to surprise FH with it, and i'm not sure he would really WANT to do it. He doesn't even want a spotlight dance with THE TWO OF US!!!

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Posted by tracyg

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Posted by Lorena

I just wanted to say that I am so surprised by the reaction to your FH dancing with his sister.

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reasons i am against it--

#1- i don't think its appropriate for a wedding. Especially if its just the two of them out there with me sitting with my thumb up my butt at our seat.

#2- because of her track record of trying to do things 'to stand out'. She doesn't realize this day isn't about her.

#3- if she wants to do it at her wedding fine. But she wants to surprise FH with it, and i'm not sure he would really WANT to do it. He doesn't even want a spotlight dance with THE TWO OF US!!!

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OK, #2 and #3 are good reasons not to do it. Have your FH explain it to his mother and let them fix it. If she wants to 'spotlight' her brother at HER wedding then great, but if he didn't choose to 'spotlight' her at his wedding, then she just needs to deal. Dedicating a song in the middle of the wedding where everyone is dancing and not paying all the attention to them is more appropriate then for your wedding.

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Posted by tracyg

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Posted by Lorena

I just wanted to say that I am so surprised by the reaction to your FH dancing with his sister.

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reasons i am against it--

#1- i don't think its appropriate for a wedding (only because i think it takes away from the bride and groom and parent dances). Especially if its just the two of them out there with me sitting with my thumb up my butt at our seat. (clarify- not appropriate that SHE is making this decision without FH's knowledge. It's not up to her to plan our dances for us)

#2- because of her track record of trying to do things 'to stand out'. She doesn't realize this day isn't about her.

#3- if she wants to do it at her wedding fine. But she wants to surprise FH with it, and i'm not sure he would really WANT to do it. He doesn't even want a spotlight dance with THE TWO OF US!!!

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Wow, I did not realize that she wanted to SURPRISE him with this! That's a very bad idea. That is definitely a bit much. Your FH should be in on this and help you decide what to do together. Let him approach her about dancing at the wedding. That way she'll think he thought of it and won't even realize that you told him & ruined the surprise. I agree that she shouldn't be getting this extra attention that she is obviously looking for, but if you and your FH handle the situation than I see nothing wrong with them dancing together in a subtle, tasteful way. But only if it is in a way that you are ok with.

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Posted by Lorena

I just wanted to say that I am so surprised by the reaction to your FH dancing with his sister. My FH and I plan to have a song dedicated to our siblings. He will dance with his sister & I with my brother at the same time and then halfway through the song he will dance with his other sister and I with his brother. I think it is a really nice idea to show how special they are to us. I've seen it done before and think it's really nice. I don't think there is anything wierd about dancing with a sibling. I'm not sure if you have siblings of your own though & I can understand you feeling a little uncomfortable if you are totally left out of this dance between your FH and his sister. In that case I would say that it should not be a 'spotlight' dance but rather a song dedicated from your FH to his sister with the MC asking everyone to join in. Perhaps you can get someone special to dance with you suring this song. JMHO

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I feel the same. I actually think it is a very sweet gesture.

ETA: Surprise him? I agree, not a good idea. If he feels uncomfortable having to dance w/ you and being in the spotlight then I can totally understand your point. I didn't read all the response prior to posting, sorry.

ACK - I am SOOOOO guilty of this! (as a sister)
Ok, I'll admit I didnt read ANY of the replies so excuse me if I sound off here but..

Well im EXTRA close to my brother. We are opposite in coloring with my Spanish light complection and his darker Indian verison. We make a striking pair.

I would so very much have a 'spotlight' dance with my brother because he's the biggest part of my life other than my Dad. I'd be mighty ticked if his wife (my current SIL) wouldn't have allowed it. First off I really didnt give her much choice. It was my way, period, no discussion. She tried to have the DJ just skip that part but I had a few friends gang up on him and make it happen. That and when we started to dance I shoo'ed away the other guests. It was actually comical. My family (our family) totally understood and I hear they are lovely photos from our dance.

I can only say this. She sat there like a spoilt child and pouted through the whole thing. People came up to talk to her since they had the chance and she blew them all off. I later heard she was very childish at that moment and should have walked around and met the guests then instead of sitting there pouting.

My brother and I took lots of photos just the two of us, without her throughout the night. Not to say they didnt have their moments. They are afterall the bride & groom, but my brother and I are just really close. I was a BM (another story) and for us both to be so nicely dressed and sparkley at the same time was nice.

Im sorry. I just feel that as the sister who did this, I felt a lot of resentment against the bride for not talking to me about it but rather just assuming it was her day only. I know now it is YOUR day only but he was my brother and he was mine first. We still have never been close (my SIL & I) for several reason but I know that I still hold her in a dim light for daring to come between my brother and I. I even left the wedding early and made an exit very much noticable.

Sorry again.

But if this is a song he wanted for this mother then he should put his foot down.

Either way, let him make this call and you keep your poise. It really was harmless with us. It was a goofy song for us. The thing was, no matter what she was still the bride that evening and the center of attention to the crowd. I personally didnt want to take that from her and I doubt that dance was aimed at doing so. It was just showing family unity and love.

JMHO
(from the sister who did it! )

Can I justify that Im his only sibling and his baby sister?

I plan to have a special song with me and my brother. I am sure the spotlight will be on him, but my fi doesn't care.

Are they the only kids in that family? If so, I think you should let them dance, but I think that's something that your fi should be planning, not her.