not sure what I should even title this

First off, thank you to everyone who has been FMing me asking how I am and giving me a lot of true friendship and support. It has meant the world to me. I will never forget those FMs.

I thought about writing this a number of times but after being told that posting about my feelings regarding my surgery was inhumane! and no better than a married women complaining to a group of 9/11 widows that my husand leaves his socks on the floor I just wasn't sure what to say. I have never experienced such nasty comments in my life. and for a few days I was truly questioning myself, and was guilt ridden. but then someone sent me this
'You Should Be Grateful'
and I spoke to other women who also feel like I do and don't judge me for it.

We are all at different stages of motherhood on this board. I don't expect those with difficulty TTC to agree or even want to understand my feelings. But to quote feelings that I have and debate them was not only unfair to me, but truly heartbreaking for me. I shared the single most private experiene/feelings with you. I never expected to regret doing so. I don't the heartbreak of months and months of your AF coming when you don't want it to, and you don't know my heartbreak over what happened. But I respect your pain and your tears.

I also want to point out that I think my situation is very different than most of the other women who have had c-sections on this board. I am no LIW member expert but to the best of my memory I am the only one who had to walk in for her c-section without having so much as one labor pain. I am the only one who didn't have a medical doctor through her pregnancy, but a midwife, which meant that I didn't know the doctors performing my surgery. Again, forgive me if there are others out there in this situation but I don't recall anyone posting this type of story before. Perhaps that is why I feel like I do. I don't expect ANYONE else to feel like I do about their births. Heck , I would not wish these feelings on anyone..ever. But I have decided not to allow anyone, not even the person who said the meanest things possible to me, make me feel bad for the way I feel about what happened. It is how I feel and I will not apologize to anyone for it. And I am not alone, even if the women on this site do not feel like I do.

Anyway I guess my point is that I may post about strollers, cribs, baby photos, but I will never again post about my feelings. If someone needs me, they can FM me and I will always help and support!

Here is an updated photo of Molly, for those who asked me for one. She is now 11lbs 13oz, 23 3/4 inches long
She refuses to latch so I am a pumping mom now. I even have over 100oz in the freezer. I am very proud of that. It is a lot of work, but I am taking it day by day- something I am not very good at doing.