Not talking w/ FH, sorry so long

I've been w/ my FH for about 3 1/2 years. We've been living together for almost two years. I feel like he pays no attention to me anymore, we barely talk. People said at my engagement party we or I didn't look all 'gaga' over him. We took a 45 min train ride today and he didn't speak one word to me. We only have sex once a month and if I'm lucky twice. If I tell him how I feel he kind of ingores the problem. We don't even have conversation about things, he never says goodnight to me, he just falls a sleep like usual. I am person who likes to go out and experience different thing and have fun, we only go out and do things together like on Sat. night not even that sometimes. See Im 24 he's 35 so we have a pretty big age difference too. I just don't feel happy in thsi relationship, I feel like I'm not getting anything out of this. I am so confused. We also have plans to get married next year and everything is booked. I am even considering seeing some sort of a counsler to work this out. I mean this is not normal for an engaged couple. I feel like I should be happier. This may seem like a silly question but what are the normal things engaged couples living together do??? Also living with his parents until after the wedding is really not helping the situation. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to vent.

Re: Not talking w/ FH, sorry so long

Hi there,

Living together, getting married, is such a big change for people. What was life like for you before you lived together? Has your relationship always been like this? I lived with my DH 2.5 years before we married and 3 years later, we still have to work at making time for each other and respecting each other's space. I think that it is a really good idea that you speak with some one. Do you ever go out with your girlfriends? I find that I must have girl time at least twice a month. I also make sure that DH gets out as much as possible with his friends. This situation has worked well for us.

And well, the sex thing, IMO always goes a little stale after a while. Just be creative! Good Luck!

Re: Not talking w/ FH, sorry so long

Before my FH and I lived together, I was always excited to see him. He would drive to CT every weekend to see me. Then we would go out usually every fri and sat night and have a good time. Now, we don't even talk much, barely any conversation, I feel like I can't live like this forever

Re: Not talking w/ FH, sorry so long

I'm sorry! I think the things that you're feeling MAY be normal. FH used to go to school in Philly so for 4 years we were apart, so every time we saw each other was a big deal. Now we're mired in all of this household stuff, and we get into power struggles and we definitely talked more when he was away! but we finally talked about it, I told him how I felt, and it FINALLY sunk in and things are getting better. it may be normal growing pain, but it seems like you're really unhappy, and fi you are, counselling is probably a good idea. FH and I plan to go before we get married. I'd really address this now, b/c if he's ignoring your problems now, it won't be any better once you're married. Definitely talk to him about it, maybe there are some things on his mind he's dying to share with you, once he has a the guts to open up.

Re: Not talking w/ FH, sorry so long

Dh and I lived together before we got married. I am sorry, I think that you need to work this stuff out.

It is normal to do some stuff separate, once you live together I think what changes is you no longer feel the need to entertain eachother. But you should be doing stuff together too, even watching tv.

And you definetly should be talking. Counseling is not a bad idea. Bottom line is whether it is 'normal' or not, you should be happy. Good luck!

Re: Not talking w/ FH, sorry so long

First -

I think that the most important thing is that you and your FH are able to talk to each other about whats going on. If he's not willing to talk about it or ignores the problem, then maybe its not a bad idea to speak with a counselor about it. Communication is one of (if not the) most important things in a relationship, and if thats lacking, problems will never be resolved. Its clear that you really love your FH, and that you want things to be back to normal. Is he going through a hard time at work or in another aspect of his life? maybe the stress of living with his parents is getting to him (I know I couldnt stand to live with my parents - they'd stress me out, as much as I love them!).

If you aren't happy and aren't getting anything out of the relationship something has to be done or you'll never be happy. Try talking to him, tell him how much you are hurting from this and how you feel its impacting your relationship. Everyone gets in these ruts at some point - it's tough, but if you do what your heart (and your head) tells you to you'll get out of it. I hope everything works out for you.
from me.