not welcomed -

Well everything is on hold for the moment!!
Gosh, You just want to take all the hurt in their heart and make it better, but How!!!!
My friend's daughter is really trying to make things work but he's not making things easy.

Re: not welcomed

What a yucky situation!

I think she has more than the right to say no. It's one thing if the bad blood is just a 'hunch', it's a whole other story if the girlfriend has actually done stuff.

Who is paying for the wedding? Unfortunately if it's the FMIL, then you run into even more sticky situations. However, if the B&G are paying for it themselves, then I think they have the last word. The bride is under enough stress already, she shouldn't have to put up with this (I do fear for her future relationship with her MIL).

Since the friend and his girlfriend aren't married and don't even live together, I don't think she has to be invited.

Good Luck with this. It seems like a no-win situation. Keep us posted - I'm curious as to what happens (FI has a friend whose FI (now his wife) I caught trashing me on her wedding journal).

Re: not welcomed

I would sit down with this girl, the brother, FMIL and my own mother (with FH , of course) and discuss the situation openly. I would tell this girl that I am not comfortable with her behavior in the past and that I will not re-hash the situtions BUT wanted her to know that my wedding day is MINE and I am not sure whether or not she should be included. Hear what she has to say. I think the brother also needs to be involved in the decision. If things are that bad then I would privately speak to the brother and tell him that due to the other situations you feel it is best if she does not attend the wedding. BUT I would let the bride and groom make the final decision and NOT the mother of the bride.

Re: not welcomed

It's the couple's day. If they are paying they invite whom they want at the wedding. Sorry to girlfriend, but if you calmly tell the brother in law and give your reasons, he should be okay with it. If FMIL is paying they you need to sit down and talk it out and come to an understanding and compromise. It is a terrible spot to be in. Hope it works out ...let us know.

Re: not welcomed

I say whether or not who is paying for the wedding, it is the Bride's day. If this were simply a case of 'I don't like her' then that is a different story. But if this woman who obviously is not supportive of the relationship, then I must agree, she should not be invited. Why would she want someone invited who doesn't wish them well?
If this woman comes to the wedding, the Bride will be miserable, and that is not right.
The brother should understand after what his girlfriend has done, he should not want her to ruin his brother's day.
JMO

Re: not welcomed

Thanxs to all of you who have posted to our dilemma. i think this girl is obviously just trying to make the bride as stressed as she can and knows how to do it.
I will pass these on to my friend to read I know she'll be very thankful for all your help. She has no computer.
The bride and groom are paying for their wedding.
My friend said the same --- Why would she invite someone who does not share her daughters joy!
She sure doesn't want to cause such friction in the Family but she has waited (the couple have been together for 8 years) 8 years for this day and now she's worried they'll just elope!
Thanks to all of you again i'll keep you posted.

Re: not welcomed

It is absolutely absurd for the bride to even have to THINK about inviting this person to her wedding! I totally side with the bride-to-be and think that she has EVERY right to say who is or is NOT invited to her wedding day. I'm sorry, but ettiquette is thrown out the window in a situation like this. Too bad if the brother is sensitive. This day is not about him or his feelings. And, let's also keep in mind that this 'girlfriend' may not be in his life in a couple of months or years. If there is no permanent committment between the brother and this horrible woman, than why is she important enough to cause the bride-to-be so much stress? Sorry to be so blunt, but that's my opinion. I hope this works out for the bride and groom - NO ONE has the right to ruin a day that was so many years in the making.

Re: not welcomed

Holy Moly!

This is a tough situation indeed!

I agree that there should be an open discussion involving those directly affected. However, the final decision should be left to the B&G regardless of who's footing the bill.

Keep in mind that you cannot please everyone. I wish you the very best in helping the situation that your friend's daughter finds herself in.

Good Luck

Ckeanna

Re: not welcomed

I agree with Liz...

It is the Brides Day & if the bride would not be happy if the girlfriend is there then SHE DOESN'T GET INVITED no matter who is paying!!!!!!

Jodi

Re: not welcomed

I had a guest, who asked DH to break up with me to be with her, at my wedding...


thankfully nothing went wrong...youre too busy enjoying your day...


but if you think the girl will be a big problem...you can do what Michele suggested (although I have NO guts to do that) or try to make it a VERY expensive trip hoping that she won't come...