FH and I are considering moving in together in a few months. How hard is the transition? I know we are getting married, but doing it soon makes me little nervous.
nicpizzo
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
Fh and I have lived together since June 1999. Honestly, the transition in the beginning went through phases. First there was the 'playing house' stage where we made sure we were home for dinner every night, and I cooked, cleaned, etc. Then it became more realistic, which was great b/c we were honest about each other's quirks and we really made an effort to help the other out instead of doing what we thought we 'should do.'
It was hard at first, we were both used to our own habits, and I can be very anal and I want things a certain way, and he wasn't as particular and could be a little messy at times. But I learned to lighten up and he actually helps out a lot, especially now in our own home (He does his own laundry, cooks often, takes care of all the yardwork, helps with food shopping, etc). I can honestly say it was deifinitely a great idea and it has brought us closer. We are actually a team. Is there still the occasional disagreement re: socks on the floor, dishes in the sink, or differences in decorating, absolutely, but there always will be and that's fine. We have our disagreements, but we never go to bed mad, which we felt was an important rule.
All in all, I think it was the best decision, b/c I really don't see married life being such a 'shock' now. Yes, things will change a bit, once we are married, but overall, I think the living situation has helped get us ready for it.
ckgmwedding
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
I have lived with my FH since November and its been great. I thought we would have a lot of fights and that I would miss my personal time, but I really like it. We slowly moved into it though- he would stay over 3 nights a week, then 4, then 5 and suddenly he was here all the time. I think that made it easier.
The hardest part- giving up closet space and dealing with clutter since my condo is small.
luv2teach3
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
I have lived with my FH for over a year now. In the beginning it was really tough for several reasons. I left my single mother living alone for the first time in her life and my FH and I quit smoking at the same time we moved in together!!! But we got through it and now we love it. We both look forward to coming home everyday. It was very beneficial because you are able to learn to live together and get things accomplished together as a couple. You also learn how to PICK YOUR BATTLES!!! Very important!!!
curliegirl
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
Posted by luv2teach3
I have lived with my FH for over a year now. In the beginning it was really tough for several reasons. I left my single mother living alone for the first time in her life and my FH and I quit smoking at the same time we moved in together!!! But we got through it and now we love it. We both look forward to coming home everyday. It was very beneficial because you are able to learn to live together and get things accomplished together as a couple. You also learn how to PICK YOUR BATTLES!!! Very important!!!
Meredith, can you teach Kevin and I how to pick our battles? We haven't learned that yet!!!!
luv2teach3
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
Gina...As petry says... You can pick your friends and you can pick your nose but you can't pick your friend's nose. What that means I have no idea!!!
curliegirl
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
I think petry would pick kevin's nose!!!!!!!
luv2teach3
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
depends on the circumstances!!
sunflowers74
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
Posted by jimmysgrl
Its funny, I don't even remember it being hard (although I'm sure it was). We've been living together for 2 years now and its just so great. Its funny, people think it'll change things, etc. make it less boring, but it really doesn't. It is completely like a little party, like whenever he comes home, its what I wait for all day. I think it helped that he traveled for 4 out of 7 days for 2 years and now that he's home every night, its been such a great 6 months!
I agree, I don't remember it being hard either.
We've lived together for 1.5 years, and it's been so great. We also moved to Michigan, and don't really know anyone else, so we basically work or spend all of our time together. I couldn't imagine not living with FH. It's almost like I forgot what life was like before him!
Mrs.Ptobe
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
All I can say is book that date first! Why by a cow when milk is free!!!!
FH and I have been living together almost as long as we've known eachother (almost 3 years) and we even have a house together now for the last 2 years. He was finalizing a very messy, intense divorce, but I knew when I met him he couldn't marry me for 2 years due his separation agreement. Okay, so that's a little different I understand, but it's also the only reason I agreed to live with him before marriage b/c I knew I wanted to be with him and felt it was the only way at the time (if I could do over I would have said 'after your divorced we'll revisit it' instead I just said 'after we get engaged' - well, he bought the ring a few weeks later but I'm still waiting for a true wedding date!). We did a lot of things too soon and it was nearly the end of us. However, I guess now looking back I know that when we do get married not much will be able to tear us apart since we've been through enough turbulance to know we're really dedicated to eachother.
Just remember, once you live together you take on 'wifely' and 'husbandly' roles. For me I remember getting frustrated b/c when I'd ask to finally set a wedding date (I've had my ring for almost 2 years already), he'd reply with 'just be happy, we're living our lives together now' and to him that should have been enough. I'm not sure men view marriage the same way as women... I think for my FH it's to legitimize kids so get married when your ready to procreate (I mean he gets his laundry done, house cleaned, and meals on the table and not to mention intimacy whenever he wants - why get married?). I on the other hand would rather get married ASAP and worry about kids later.
I guess my advice is really just be true to yourself and understand that you may have to 'play house' without the 'Mrs.' title before your name. I think that it's a good idea to move in together before the wedding, but be careful if you haven't booked the hall and all that stuff. If I had to do over I would not have moved in with him. I love him to pieces, but moving in with him was not what I really wanted out of the relationship. You have to be okay with it and if you are go for it, but if you have any hesitation or if it's not what you ever imagined doing I say proceed with caution.
cjik
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
I'm not yet, but I will be soon. I lived with someone before, and we fought all the time. We fought a lot before we moved in together though, so not much changed really.
If you are both pretty compatible in terms of mess level/neatness, and have similar interests, the transition probably won't be too difficult. I'd recommend talking about finances before moving in also. I didn't do that the first time around and that would have helped.
Good luck
sarahbelle
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
All I can say is book that date first! Why by a cow when milk is free!!!!
That wasn't my experience, although I can imagine it happening. We lived together for more than a year before he proposed. The transition wasn't hard at all, but I was concerned about losing my personal space. He is really good about leaving me alone when I wanted. He doesn't complain when I want to read in the bedroom instead of watching tv with him. I learned to give that back to him and not complain when he wants to watch hockey. Make sure you know what you want and what you need to be happy living together! Good luck
july06bride
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
I moved in with my Fiance after 3 1/2 years...we are now engaged....but I think the transition was difficult... BUT, I am glad we did it BEFORE we got married... because now things are great!
Goldi1021
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
I don't live with FH but I have my reasons. I may be a little bit older than some of you (34) and to be honest, I did not want to uproot my whole life, move, etc etc for a 'maybe'. I have established my independent living patterns for the past 9 years and I was not about to change to see if it 'might' work out. FH is here half the week. He tolerates my gas, mess, crying, etc. I tolerate football and HIS gas. So yes I know we can live together, but IMO, if a man can share his bed, he can share his name too. This is not a morality issue for me, just more practical. Maybe I am a little old-fashioned in that respect.
LaurenRich
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
My FH and I moved in together a little over a year and a half ago-then we got engaged last July and are getting married this July-i think moving in was the best thing-it took a little time to transition but it is worth it-I wouldn't want the first few months of marriage to be rocky
Dom n Nic
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
ok now to answer the ? for real lolol i do not live with him right now we still live with our parents (im 24)
i can't see myself moving out out untill im married.. not that IT HAS TO BE DONE lol my sisters were out of the house at 20 living on their own ...but im getting married next year so why not just save as much as i can now that i am still with my parents...
lisad117
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
We moved in together after 8 months of dating and we have been living together for just about a year now. We spent alot of time together before we moved in together but it is definitely different and I'm really glad that we moved in together before we got married. The hardest part for me was getting used to always having someone around because I like to have 'alone' time. We definitely have some minor disagreements over silly things like leaving shoes in the middle of the floor and stuff like that but there is nothing better than coming home to the man you love. I highly recommend it!
BEANS
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
Thanks fior all your help ladies. Just so you know we have been together almost 8 years & the date is set. I already live on my own, FH is with parents, so I guess it won't be too crazy, at least I get to keep my apartment!
Thanks again!
eogara
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
We've been living together for a year and a half. If you're even considering it, I'd go for it. IMO it's better to get all the crap that goes into living together out of the way so that when you get married, you can just concentrate on dealing with and adjusting to the married part of it.
RedHead
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
We lived together 2 1/2 years before getting married and it was a good decision for the both of us!
katieshope
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Re: NWR-Anyone already live with FH?
We have been living together for a year yesterday!! (Wow, time flies) I thought it was going to be hard, because I was use to living by myself. It worked out great when he first moved in because we both worked different hours, and we didn't see each other much during the week, so it made the transition alot easier, now we work about the same hours and we love coming home a cooking together! (we have been together for 5 years, 4 before we moved in together)
