hmm well 1st of all, putting a shower together around Easter is going to be rough. It's pretty close.
If I had a sister, I'd want to be involved in the shower. Is there anyone else you can coordinate with and have help you? maybe split the cost?
And honestly, if she has friends down there now, maybe one of them is already planning on throwing her one?
jwleewedding
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
honestly, i wouldn't feel obligated to pay either. i understand that she's you're only sister, but the shower is supposed to be for HER and the BABY. so just show up as a guest and get her and her baby a really nice day and call it a day.
she should be appreciative that you were willing to go all that way just to be there with her.
AwaitingAugust
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
i totally understand where you're coming from ... it's a lot of money for you to shell out all at once.
i would either find a cheaper place (i know $20 per person is really good, but $300 to rent out the place on top of that is kind of ridiculous ... if you do the math, it ends up being $35 per person for 20 people) .... or if you can't find a cheaper place, maybe you could split the cost with more people (her friends or whatnot)
good luck!
Notwedyet08
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
the thing is that when they moved she didn't know anyone! Her husband knew some people from over the years and she's become friends with his friends. She's also met some female friends through sites like this for stay at home moms in the area where she lives and they've had play dates and met for lunch with the kids. But she doesn't really have anyone that she's close to.
She's pretty much flat out told me that these are people she's inviting but they're not close enough where they would have suggested throwing the shower.
I definetely want to be there and would fly down no matter what. But I feel bad for her having to throw her own shower; and like another poster said; i just can't plan a shower from out of state; and can't afford to do everything on my own and it doesn't sound like any one of these people getting invited would be able to help.
I basically threw her entire 1st shower on my own! My parents helped with some of the $$ for the place and food; but all the leg work i took care of.
I don't know...guess i just don't want her throwing her own shower-but this is the life they chose when they decided to move out of state and away from everyone they knew.
jwleewedding
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
honestly.. most ppl have a baby shower for the first child.. but since you'll have most of the 'necessities' already... people don't generally throw ANOTHER one.
if you did all the planning for the first one, you've done more than enough and your sister should understand that.
i know you feel bad, but like you said, this is the life she chose.
Notwedyet08
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
AwaitingAugust you're right-at $20pp (that was the lunch package w/just sandwiches & soft drinks but that's the lowest package and when you add on extra stuff it's more $$; plus the $300 to use the space..
Notwedyet08
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
jwleewedding you're right-the only reason why i was planning on throwing the shower for her while they were in town was because it's a Boy this time and she has a girl. I figured it would be a nice time for everyone to get together while they were visitng; plus get some boyish things she didn't already have.
mybabylovesmoi
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
I think that's alot to take on...only do it if your heart is truly in it or you might become resentful and not even enjoy the party.
I think a nice gift and a visit if plenty.
Oh! Just thought of something. What if you visit her and take her for a spa day? You girls can bond and your money will be going toward a restful pregnant sister and YOU not a bunch of strangers!!!
Notwedyet08
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
Good point everyone thanks! I'll figure out the right way to talk to her about it later tonight!
Danielle41209
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
Why not have a shower after the baby is born? Will she be able to come back and visit during that time? If so, you can do something like that with family and friends from here. It might not be as big but she'll be able to let you know what she still needs for her son. HTH and good luck!
angelscri
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
That is a tough one, I completely understand where you are coming from. My brother is having a baby in a few months and I am almost the same situation.
monkeemunk
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
I can def see how you'd want to be there but other than that its not ur fault things didn't work out for u to throw it...I guess I'm old school but isn't baby showers for the first child? Plus ur planning a wedding and spending a lot of money on that! I'd take her and her husband out to a nice dinner on my own...or fly where she is and offer to decorate for the friend throwing it! Something small and sweet? Good luck
Jessc4985
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Re: NWR-family dilemma
I totally understand that you want to be there for her. But maybe you can just take a fraction of the money you would spend on a party and flying (like $300.. IDK your finances I am just guetimating) there and spend it on a whole bunch of boy things that she may not have. This way, you are being generous, involved, and thoughtful. Also you will still be able to go down after he is born!
