NWR: Feeling stuck (vent)

I posted last night about how excited I am to be moving in with FH this weekend, but tonight, as I started packing my stuff, I suddenly feel really sad. My family's going through a rough patch right now. My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer last month. Since, she has started treatment, and tomorrow she's going for radiation. (The cancer has spread to various parts of her body--spine, lung, brain. She's on hormone therapy, but the doctors want to administer radiation to treat the tumor in her brain). Anyway, I am starting to feel like my moving out is like I'm abandoning her. My emotions right now are tearing me in half. On one side, I am so excited to live with FH. We have been together for so long, and I feel as if everything is finally coming together. I feel like I should be happy. On the other hand, I feel like this might not be the right time. I feel like a bad daughter. How can I allow myself to be happy when my mother is going through so much?

Vent over. THanks for reading.

Update: Last night I spoke to FH and told him exactly how I felt. He was completely understanding and told me that if I didn't want to move in together right now, then we didn't have to. I spoke to my mom, too. It was hard for me to discuss how I felt with her b/c she's really happy for us, but at the same time I know that she wants me around right now. She doesn't want me to put my life on hold, but at the same time, I really want to be there for her. (there's conflict everywhere!)I've decided that I'm going ahead with the move this weekend, but for the next few months I'm going to be coming home for a few days out of the week. BTW, the move is a little hike. I live in Queens and will be moving out to Oyster Bay. Thank you to everyone for your words of wisdom and advice. It helped!
-Allison

I would discuss this with your FH. I am sure your mom wouldn't think you are abandoning her, but I would probably feel the same way. I would also talk to your mom and let her know that you will be around plenty and anything she needs-she can call.

I'm so sorry that you feel this way!

I can understand how you feel... but you have to know that being miserable won't make your mom any better!

As long as you are there to support her emotionally and mentally, you shouldn't feel bad! I'm sure that you will visit her as much as you can and that you'll help her get through these tough times!

I know that it's hard... but feeling bad won't make your mom get better! Supporting her will.

First off, I am so sorry to hear about your mom! This should be a happy time for you and it is understandable that you feel both happy and sad at the same time. You have to think that your mom is probably really happy for you and wants you to move in to your new place with FH! Also im sure that you will be talking and seeing your mom a lot still! You are not abandoning your mom- you are moving on with your life and there is nothing wrong with that! HTH

Oh wow sweetie this is tough. I actually feel like a big baby whining about shoes when I see a real dilemma like this.

Only you can really know what is the best decision here. I don't know if I could leave my mom in this situation but at the same time I would be ready to get my life with FH started.

This is sooo not an easy decision. I am not sure how far you will be moving from your parents home but my guess is that it won't be too far. I also think that your mom might feel worse if she feels you are putting your life on hold to watch over her.

All I can say is follow your heart.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family

aw Im sorry that you are torn about this. I am sure that your mom will not feel like you are abandoning her, im sure she knows that that isnt your intention. Maybe talk to her about how you are feeling-she may tell you that it is fine and she is GLAD that you guys are getting your own place. Maybe just to assure yourself tell her you will always be a phone call away and will visit her every chance you get.

Good Luck to your mom in the next couple of days and to you and FH

I am soooo sorry to hear about your mom ~ I am sure your mom does not feel like you are abandoning her... you are starting your life with FH... If you don't feel like moving out just yet because of your mom and what she is going though then maybe you should wait until it gets closer to your wedding... so you can be with her as she starts her radiation... I am sure FH would understand. I wish you luck in what ever decision you choose ~ this is a toughy. you and your family will be in my thoughts & prayers.

Definitely talk to your Mom and let her know how you feel...That's what I would do...

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Posted by snydl40

I would discuss this with your FH. I am sure your mom wouldn't think you are abandoning her, but I would probably feel the same way. I would also talk to your mom and let her know that you will be around plenty and anything she needs-she can call.

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Well said -- I agree 100%

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Posted by snydl40

I would discuss this with your FH. I am sure your mom wouldn't think you are abandoning her, but I would probably feel the same way. I would also talk to your mom and let her know that you will be around plenty and anything she needs-she can call.

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I agree.....I am so sorry

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone! One week after I moved in with FH my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. I had all of these conflicting emotions: guilt, fear, anger at the timing, etc. It was in the middle of what was supposed to be a happy time & I just felt out of control. For a while I toyed with the idea of moving right back home, but for me that wasn't the answer. I called my mom every single day & visited very, very often. There were plenty of weekends when I stayed over at my mom's & in her ups and downs sometimes I stayed longer. FH was completely understanding, even though I worried how the stress was affecting us. We ended up having to postpone the wedding & still he hung in there for me! I'm happy to say that my mother is a survivor & I wouldn't change anything in the way i did things. I think my mom would have felt guilty if I didn't keep living my life as I had been planning, and I didn't want that either!

If you need to vent or whatever to someone who understands- I'm here! Cancer *****, but people can survive!!!

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Posted by snydl40

I would discuss this with your FH. I am sure your mom wouldn't think you are abandoning her, but I would probably feel the same way. I would also talk to your mom and let her know that you will be around plenty and anything she needs-she can call.

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This is a tough one to call. But I agree. I will keep your mom and your family in my prayers.