NWR: Having trouble being excited for her

My best friend is pregnant and I am happy for her but I am not excited............at all. I know, I know Im a horrible person but I am not interested in having kids or anything pertaining to kids. In fact, Im actually afraid of them.
We met for lunch and thats all we talked about. I want to be excited and show my enthusiam but I cant..........what can I do??????

Please dont think that I am a horrible person-I have just known for a long time that being a parent is not the life path for me.




TIA

Even if you're not excited about the end result (having a child), if your friend is excited and happy, you should be able to show your excitement for her being happy and getting something that she wants (unless of course, she doesn't really want this, which would be a whooooole other situation).

It doesn't make you a bad person, and I'm sure if she knows your feelings on children she isn't expecting you to do cartwheels either. Just be as excited and happy for her as a friend as you can be, and that should be support enough.

---

Posted by coldasice217

Even if you're not excited about the end result (having a child), if your friend is excited and happy, you should be able to show your excitement for her being happy and getting something that she wants (unless of course, she doesn't really want this, which would be a whooooole other situation).

It doesn't make you a bad person, and I'm sure if she knows your feelings on children she isn't expecting you to do cartwheels either. Just be as excited and happy for her as a friend as you can be, and that should be support enough.

---

i totally agree...just because you don't want kids doesnt mean you cant be excited for someone that does. Especially if she is such a good friend. Its like if your friend didnt want to get married and couldnt be excited for you and FH. We all want different things from our lives and part of being a good friend is showing excitement and interest in things that we don't like, value or even care about! Try to be there for her...i know its hard, but youwould want her to be there for you

Funny enough, I was in the same situation last year (except I love babies and do want them)....but my bff was pregnant and I wasn't genuinly happy for her. I planned her shower....bought her EVERYTHING she would need....but I just couldn't be happy for her.
I think my reasoning was....she would become a Mom and I felt like I was losing my friend.
The best thing I could have done was be honest with her, as hard as it was. I just kept telling her I was really excited she was happy....but I was sad because we were at different points in our lives. She respected my feelings....and thus was careful with my feelings....and made her appreciate the things I did for her and the baby more.
The baby came in January....and we did go through a rough patch, where she was a little sad....and distant....but things smoothed out....and although when we hang out I no longer am her main focus when we hang out.....she's still there and listening when it matters!!

Just talk it out....and be honest!

---

Posted by Walkintomymind

Funny enough, I was in the same situation last year (except I love babies and do want them)....but my bff was pregnant and I wasn't genuinly happy for her. I planned her shower....bought her EVERYTHING she would need....but I just couldn't be happy for her.
I think my reasoning was....she would become a Mom and I felt like I was losing my friend.
The best thing I could have done was be honest with her, as hard as it was. I just kept telling her I was really excited she was happy....but I was sad because we were at different points in our lives. She respected my feelings....and thus was careful with my feelings....and made her appreciate the things I did for her and the baby more.
The baby came in January....and we did go through a rough patch, where she was a little sad....and distant....but things smoothed out....and although when we hang out I no longer am her main focus when we hang out.....she's still there and listening when it matters!!

Just talk it out....and be honest!

---

You know, I think you just hit the nail on the head. I am happy and excited for her-I am sad for me bc I am loosing my friend. While I am about to begin a great new chapter in my life- so is she! I know this baby will make her and her husband so happy and that is all I have evr wanted for her!!!! I may get left out a little bit, and not get to spend as much time with her but thats life right!! I guess Ill just get to spoil the baby and then let it go back to mom and dad.

YOU are not a horrible person. I applaud you for knowing yourself so well. There are so many parents that I see everyday who are not devoted to their kids. It seems like they just had them because that is what people do. I think its great that you know what you want (or don't want.)

Things might change with your friend. It depends on how into being a mom she is. My BFF had a baby last year and she is not 'mommy crazy.' We are still able to talk and chat and focus on stuff other than baby stuff. BUT she definitely does not have the time she used to and we don't get to talk as much as we would like. She is always tired and busy. Some girls do get very into having a baby. (as they have every right to) But I'm not at the point in my life either. I always have trouble relating to people like that.

Your love for your friend will override this and maybe she will surprise you. Sometimes new mommies just want NON baby talk! If not, your friendship might change a bit, but that is what life is all about.

HTH!

---

Posted by monkeybuttz

You know, I think you just hit the nail on the head. I am happy and excited for her-I am sad for me bc I am loosing my friend. While I am about to begin a great new chapter in my life- so is she! I know this baby will make her and her husband so happy and that is all I have evr wanted for her!!!! I may get left out a little bit, and not get to spend as much time with her but thats life right!! I guess Ill just get to spoil the baby and then let it go back to mom and dad.

---

That is exactly how you should look at it! Her having the baby might actually make you guys closer in the end...You get to spend time with her and the baby and she will appreciate that you are there for her and her new little bundle of joy..
One of my BMs had a baby recently and she is 9 months old and her BEST friend has only seen that baby ONCE when she was born...She doesn't want kids and could not be happy for my BM and it wound up ruining their friendship... As you said before the most important thing is that she and her husband are happy!

---

Posted by DINAAMATUCCIO

all these ladies have good responses however if you like to read I have the PERFECT book for you ... I don't want to go off the topic with helping you with your dilemma however you definitely should read this book .. it might make you look at things differently its called 'Baby Proof' by Emily Giffen!

---

I second that!! It is a very interesting book and the main characters story line is totally relevant to this topic!!!

---

Posted by monkeybuttz

Im up for anything that will make me feel not so guilty............whats it about?

---

I don't want to give anything away but it is basically about a married woman who does not want kids and then her husband suddenly has a change of heart and decides he wants them... I don't want to say what happens but she talks a lot about her views on children and how she feels about her friends/family with kids and it is interesting to see how her opinions grows and change throughout the book.

From the author of the smash hits Something Borrowed and Something Blue comes a novel that explores the question: is there ever a deal-breaker when it comes to true love?
First comes love. Then comes marriage. Then comes . . . a baby carriage? Isn’t that what all women want?

Not so for Claudia Parr. And just as she gives up on finding a man who feels the same way, she meets warm, wonderful Ben. Things seem too good to be true when they fall in love and agree to buck tradition with a satisfying, child-free marriage. Then the unexpected occurs: one of them has a change of heart. One of them wants children after all.

This is the witty, heartfelt story about what happens to the perfect couple when they suddenly want different things. It’s about feeling that your life is set and then realizing that nothing is as you thought it was--and that there is no possible compromise. It’s about deciding what is most important in life, and taking chances to get it. But most of all, it’s about the things we will do--and won’t do--for love.

some people have a baby and become obsessed with them - rightfully so, im sure that is what will happen to me one day but some people do change after kids so i can see why you arent all that excited - but dont let it ruin the friendship!

I will be one of these obsessed people too...I mean I have wanted to be a mommy since I can remember and I want to be asap...but most of my friends have babies already, so I am excited that our little ones will grow up together and we can bod over that.
I am not blaming you for your choice at all, but I have a friend, she is 33, who does not want to get married or have kids and she makes all of us people feel bad for our choice of getting married and wanting to start a family and sometimes I feel like she is almost looking down on us. That makes me sad...I do not make comments about her choices and judge her, but she does all the time. Just don't let that affect your friendship...I am sure it will be fine.

i understand its not what you want in your life but its obviously something she wants and is excited about. Just the fact that she is so happy should bring you joy. Our friends and family will take different paths than we do, do things we wouldn't personally do but we dont all have to make the same choices in life. Just for the fact that somebody is accomplishing something they want in life is enough reason to be excited for that person.

There are people in this world who don't believe in marriage and have no interest to get married. I am sure if you knew someone like this you would want them to be excited for you despite their own life philosophies. Imagine if someone said to you, sorry i am not excited for your marriage bc i have no interest in gettng married, you would think 'doesn't mean you cant be happy for me'

i get excited for people who do things i have no interest in, just bc i see how happy it is making them

---

Posted by Future Mulligan

some people have a baby and become obsessed with them - rightfully so, im sure that is what will happen to me one day but some people do change after kids so i can see why you arent all that excited - but dont let it ruin the friendship!

---

im sure our single friends feel the same way about those of us who are getting married and think we change lol

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by Future Mulligan

some people have a baby and become obsessed with them - rightfully so, im sure that is what will happen to me one day but some people do change after kids so i can see why you arent all that excited - but dont let it ruin the friendship!

---

im sure our single friends feel the same way about those of us who are getting married and think we change lol

---

what about single friends who are completely jealous of you b/c they are dating someone for years who just wont commit? i have one of those and she litterally came out n said to me 'i hate engaged girls... all they do is talk about their wedding' meanwhile, i never bring the subject up with her... i wanted to knock her out at that point .... i was like 'uhhh you do realize who you're saying this to right?.... '

---

Posted by FuTuRe MrS MaZz

---

Posted by Espo22

---

Posted by Future Mulligan

some people have a baby and become obsessed with them - rightfully so, im sure that is what will happen to me one day but some people do change after kids so i can see why you arent all that excited - but dont let it ruin the friendship!

---

im sure our single friends feel the same way about those of us who are getting married and think we change lol

---

what about single friends who are completely jealous of you b/c they are dating someone for years who just wont commit? i have one of those and she litterally came out n said to me 'i hate engaged girls... all they do is talk about their wedding' meanwhile, i never bring the subject up with her... i wanted to knock her out at that point .... i was like 'uhhh you do realize who you're saying this to right?.... '

---

Ooooh yeah i know what you mean, she is not mean about it though lol but i know what youre saying

some people dont think before they speak