My 20 year old cousin just Imed me that she will be eloping on monday with her boy friend of 3 weeks.....and wants me to be her MOH/witness...she dosent want to tell anyone in the family till she is already married.......she isnt pregnant or anything and says she is sooo inlove..etc....I Dont know what to do ..I eloped at 18 because I thought I was with MR Right and at almost 22 I was getting divorced while pregnant with our 2nd son.....I dont want her to not have anyone by her side but I am very afraid of what the future will hold for her and how tough of a road it will be and also being involved in the whole world of drama that will unfold when she starts telling family and they find out I was there.....Im not sure what to do
wifey08
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
wow 3 weeks??? have they known each other previsouly? If i was in your situation i would tell her exactly what you went through and how you were feeling the same way and looked what happened. Things are great in the beginning but things change i would just tell her you should spend a few more months together atleast to make sure its what you really want marriage isnt something to joke about. If i was you i wouldnt want to be in the middle of that cause if the family does turn on you cause they look at you like you decieved them. that is def a toughy but i would just let her know there is no reason to rush into marriage...maybe find out why she wants to rush?
Chanwich
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
Wow, thats such a sticky situation. Maybe this weekend you could just sit down and have a heart to heart with her, since you were in such a similar situation. Tell her what it was like for you and all of the ups and downs you had to go through and maybe she will realize that she isn't ready. Or if she still wants to go through with it, you could always tell her that you aren't comfortable being the only one in the family who knows, since you will most likely get a lot of flack for it later, and that you would be her witness if she waits a little while and still decides she wants to go through with it later.
Im sorry you have to go through this, its such a hard decision to make!
rkl1130
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
OMG--3 weeks!
You want to be there for her, so do that. I think you should sit down and talk to her in a non-confrontational kind of way. Use your experience to help enlighten her. She's young and impetuous and it's really easy to get caught up in the begining phase of a relationship. With you talking to her, maybe you can help her see the situation a bit differently. You can't stop her from doing anything, but you can talk to her about it and try to help her make the best decision.
kellybean
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
she was living with my parents when I got seperated and we talked and it ended with her getting upset and telling me that she k nows its not going to be easy but that I am the person she is the closest to and it wont be right if Im not there ............UGH
NicoleBell
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
Wow, bad situation for you to be in. But you've gotta look at it like this, even though she might only be a few years younger than you, you're a million years older in terms of experience with this.
I think you need to treat this situation as if she were your child. Dont let her do it! Haha, I know that sounds harsh, but sometimes younger people just need structure and guidelines and a respected person to tell them, look you're not doing this! Maybe even to make it concrete, make up a pro and con list with her about reasons why and why not to do this. I know that sounds juvenile, but it really makes things real to see them on paper for some people.
Obviously explain why, but I'd say take a firm stance on this one, especially considering everything you've been through yourself! Good luck and let us know how it turns out.
MikeandJess
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
you should tell her to learn from your mistakes. I think you should be honest with her, tell her that she's young and they've been dating such a short period of time that you don't think it's a good idea. She asked you to be her witness so she obviously respects you, it might mean a lot coming from you
kellybean
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
I told her she was out of her damn mind......I also no and trust me I am trying to talk her out of it but the harder she is pushed to not do something the more likely she is to do it .....she can be very spiteful...if I were to tell her mother and sister and she had to hear them shed jump and do it,....I think I am going to plan a trip upstate to spend the weekend with her
NicoleBell
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
Posted by kellybean
I told her she was out of her damn mind......I also no and trust me I am trying to talk her out of it but the harder she is pushed to not do something the more likely she is to do it .....she can be very spiteful...if I were to tell her mother and sister and she had to hear them shed jump and do it,....I think I am going to plan a trip upstate to spend the weekend with her
Hmm, I think sometimes with people like that who are stubborn and head-strong and not open to other peoples opinions and advice, the best way for them to learn is from their own mistakes.
jgl
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Re: NWR ...HELP...long
Posted by kellybean
I told her she was out of her damn mind......I also no and trust me I am trying to talk her out of it but the harder she is pushed to not do something the more likely she is to do it .....she can be very spiteful...if I were to tell her mother and sister and she had to hear them shed jump and do it,....I think I am going to plan a trip upstate to spend the weekend with her
id use reverse psychology.
I would start agreein and being sarcastic...
'ok, fine' 'get married that would be lovely' 'at least in a few years when you have 2 kids like me and getting divorced the 2 of us can sit down and laugh about it and swap stories'
and besides the marriage part.. where is she going to live? does she have a job to support the 2 of them? im sure your parents/family arent going to have the 2 of them living with them to support them....
