NWR: I moved and now all I do is cry....

This past week I moved to Long Island and started a new job.....job is great, new place is ok...but almost every night i have been emotional at some point or another about the move and all the transitions and the stress. So tonight to top it all off FH went out to dinner with some friends for dinner and I had a lot to do at home so I couldn't go.

So FH left at like 6:30 acting like he really wanted me to come and all and seemed like he didn't even want to go because he wasn't in the mood. After they were going to eat I knew they would all end up back at someone's house to play Rock Band...which is fine who cares. But NOW over 6 hrs later i have NO CALL, NO TEXT nothing. This is my first week in this apartment and the 2nd time being alone here and i am so mad right now. Maybe i am overreacting. But what the heck is wrong with sending a text or something since you seemed like you really wanted me to come in the first place.

It's bad enough i have no one around because I just moved here from Westchester...so he has his friends and i get to sit with my computer. I am so depressed I was tempted to drive back home tonight.

Ohhh and he always pulls the 'fine see this is why i can never go out and i wont go out anymore because you always pull something' Am I wrong for wanting at least a text while im home alone all night??

i dont think you are wrong... but a lot of times guys see things differently. FH and I spent the summers apart while we were in college, and I'd want to talk to him daily, for as long as possible. He also wanted to talk daily, but 5 min was fine! He's just not a phone person.

I also worry more than him.

Plus, Rock Band can be addicting... FH plays it all the time

He probably didn't realize you wanted a call because if the tables are turned he probably wouldnt have expected one from you. Why dont you send him a text? Then when he gets home you can explain to him how you feel and hopefully he will do things differently

---

Posted by bluegreen08

i dont think you are wrong... but a lot of times guys see things differently. FH and I spent the summers apart while we were in college, and I'd want to talk to him daily, for as long as possible. He also wanted to talk daily, but 5 min was fine! He's just not a phone person.

I also worry more than him.

Plus, Rock Band can be addicting... FH plays it all the time

He probably didn't realize you wanted a call because if the tables are turned he probably wouldnt have expected one from you. Why dont you send him a text? Then when he gets home you can explain to him how you feel and hopefully he will do things differently

---

I actually just sent him a text and the phone rang...i asked if he got it and he said 'no'...he was calling because he said he wanted to know if i wanted to pick him up. That's another thing that annoys the yell out of me. ....you are 30 and yet you can't drive yourself and be responsible enough to drive home either.

He started yelling saying he wouldnt go out anymore and i said it wasnt the point. Im just upset because he acted like he really wanted me to come and if it was me its like i would have at least sent him a text because i would have been thinking about him. It makes me think does he even think of me when im not around? he is always different when with his friends... :(

we're your friends

for you I hope you feel better about your new situation soon.

Trust me it gets better. I moved over an hour away from my family last year and although i love our house it was very hard. It gets much better trust me. If you need anything you can always FM me.

It does sound like you're being very emotional which is understandable with all the changes going on. When I first moved to NJ with FH it was a HUGE ADJUSTMENT and there were alot of those arguments.

I have to be honest, your position with the text/phone call is unfair. There's no way he could know that you wanted him to call or text and you can't expect him to do what you would have done. I'm sure he would have loved it if you were there but just b/c you weren't there, doesn't mean he was sad and missing you all night. He probably was having a great time and it didn't occur to him, just as simple as that and definitely not a direct offense against you. I have learned over the last few years of living with FH that if I expect him to be a certain way, I WILL be disappointed. He is his own person so don't expect him to do the 'right' thing. oh man have I been down that road!!!!!!!!!

NOW....if you called him repeatedly all night and no answer, now THATS a different story!! Good luck hun & cut that boy some slack.

ouch....I have soooooooooo been there, done that. I moved from Long Island to NJ back in december into an apt with FH. To top it off, I still work on Long Island so I have an appx. 45-60 min commute to work 3 days a week, there and back. I don't know a single soul out here, and when FH is at work, it gets REALLY lonely. The past few months have been even more stressful bc back in October my grandfather passed away, I graduated college in December, We are getting married in 35 days and I am taking my NYS RN Boards this week. I cried for almost a month solid....traffic was killing me because I was orienting for a new job that I had to work m-f for orientation, and as a nurse I am used to 3 days a week....so it was rough. I didn't know where anything was...not even a pharmacy or stop n shop....or target (imagine that?). I got really mad at FH...we fought a lot because I felt like he moved basically up the block (15 mins from where he grew up) and his friends are scattered everywhere....my whole life was back on LI. All I can tell you is that you WILL adjust. It take time. I did NOT want to move to NJ at all....I don't really like it here....I think it's a dump. We happen to live in a very nice neighborhood...but i'm about 1.5 hours from a beach and that's just not what i'm used to. I am dreading this summer!!!!! Anyway....i'm hoping that we can eventually move to Staten Island eventually bc it is a good mid point and I have family there. FH is open to it at least. You WILL get through this!!!! It is probably the biggest adjustment you will ever have to make, but I have to tell you LI is a great place to live. You have access to the city, the beach, just about anything. There are so many girls here that I'm sure you can meet up with at a GTG and before you know it, it will be smooth sailing. It's been about 3 months in NJ for me and i'm feeling better. I still don't know anyone (At all!!) but my friends have been coming out here, my parents will be here for dinner tomorrow, and overall, the bottom line is it takes me about 45 mins to get home to see people if I want (i still get my hair and nails done in massapequa haha). FM me if you want my number to talk

Im also in the same boat. FH and I moved back to Long Island after college. We met at RIT and I grew up in Vegas, and then lived in the Boston area for high school. Now my mom lives in Pittsburgh. I feel like I dont even have a home. So all of FH's family live on long Island, and we always have to do stuff with them. I feel soooo alone sometimes because I dont have any friends out here, and I work in the city, so its hard to make friends on Long Island. Sometimes I really hate my life. I totally know how you feel. Look on the bright side, an hour isnt too bad to see your family and friends! I have to travel at least 5 to see mine. If you ever want to go out, let me know!

---

Posted by queenbean

Maybe we should all plan a GTG so u can get to know some LI girls!

---

I think a GTG is a great idea. I think making some friends would make you feel sooo much better about the move. Besides I would like to meet some of you girls.

---

Posted by alissa5517

---

Posted by queenbean

Maybe we should all plan a GTG so u can get to know some LI girls!

---

I think a GTG is a great idea. I think making some friends would make you feel sooo much better about the move. Besides I would like to meet some of you girls.

---

ALSO i would liek to kno you before OUR honeymooon!!!!!!! psst we have yet to book anything but we will def be with st.lucia sandles with you!

---

Posted by lexi1890

This past week I moved to Long Island and started a new job.....job is great, new place is ok...but almost every night i have been emotional at some point or another about the move and all the transitions and the stress. So tonight to top it all off FH went out to dinner with some friends for dinner and I had a lot to do at home so I couldn't go.

So FH left at like 6:30 acting like he really wanted me to come and all and seemed like he didn't even want to go because he wasn't in the mood. After they were going to eat I knew they would all end up back at someone's house to play Rock Band...which is fine who cares. But NOW over 6 hrs later i have NO CALL, NO TEXT nothing. This is my first week in this apartment and the 2nd time being alone here and i am so mad right now. Maybe i am overreacting. But what the heck is wrong with sending a text or something since you seemed like you really wanted me to come in the first place.

It's bad enough i have no one around because I just moved here from Westchester...so he has his friends and i get to sit with my computer. I am so depressed I was tempted to drive back home tonight.

Ohhh and he always pulls the 'fine see this is why i can never go out and i wont go out anymore because you always pull something' Am I wrong for wanting at least a text while im home alone all night??

---

No. You're not wrong. But it seems like the way you two usually discuss this problem isn't working. You express how you feel lonely (I am guessing) and he gets defensive. Probably he already knows he messed up and doesn't like to feel like that. If that's how it usually goes, why don't you respond by pointing out the pattern YOU see. Don't get defensive. When I have these kinds of talks with FH I try to stay completely calm, which drives him crazy but it gets resolved sooner.

How about saying: 'I am not asking you not to go out with your friends, I am asking you to check in with me, oh, every 3-4 hours.' Ask him why that request is so unnerving to him. Ask him why he keeps making that leap from not checking in to not going out. Make it like you think there is something else bothering him, of which the 'going out' thing is only symbolic, and you want to get to the root of it.

This may or may not be true, but it makes for a productive conversation in which you are both 'problem solving' together, instead of on opposite sides of an argument.

****I know this problem has probably blown over by now, but this is good advice, IMHO, so take it into consideration. You should be happy at this time, and sometimes we gotta take control of our own happiness. ********

---

Posted by anamaree77

It does sound like you're being very emotional which is understandable with all the changes going on. When I first moved to NJ with FH it was a HUGE ADJUSTMENT and there were alot of those arguments.

I have to be honest, your position with the text/phone call is unfair. There's no way he could know that you wanted him to call or text and you can't expect him to do what you would have done. I'm sure he would have loved it if you were there but just b/c you weren't there, doesn't mean he was sad and missing you all night. He probably was having a great time and it didn't occur to him, just as simple as that and definitely not a direct offense against you. I have learned over the last few years of living with FH that if I expect him to be a certain way, I WILL be disappointed. He is his own person so don't expect him to do the 'right' thing. oh man have I been down that road!!!!!!!!!

NOW....if you called him repeatedly all night and no answer, now THATS a different story!! Good luck hun & cut that boy some slack.

---

I am sorry, but I completely disagree with this advice. There is a certain amount of consideration someone should have for the person he lives with. What, really, is so hard about a text message? If I don't hear from my fiance in 5 hours, I am worried. If he doesn't hear from me in 2, he is worried. I know that. So I call him. What's so hard?

This is not brain surgery, rocket science, or herculean heroics. It's a F****** text message.

Or is this more of that 'boys will be boys' stuff? We have to reign them in? We have to let them be 12 forever and let them treat us like they treated their mothers at 12?? No. Not in an adult relationship. Disappointment happens. Stupid inconsiderateness should not be on the agenda.

However, if you need to talk to your man, call him, or text him. sitting around 'waiting' for him to do it himself is just as bad as the above. Cause it's more game playing.

Awww!!!!!!!!! He should have texted you or called or something. Usually my FH is good about calling, but I have to admit he sometimes forgets. I get upset when he goes out on his boys only nights. I know I should not get upset, but I think it is because I am stuck at home either doing something that needs to be done or just cannot get a hold of any of my friends to go out.

Don't worry!!!!!!!!! You will make friends in the area. Do you have a job yet in Long Island? Maybe you will make friends there, or maybe at church, or if you get involved with a hobby club.

That is wrong that he is leaving you alone in a new town with nobody to talk to, but he did ask you to come along, right? So, that was nice. It sounds like he did not really want to go without you, but once he got there he started having fun. Maybe it was loud and he could not call you. He could have texted though.

I have to say I would love to move to Long Island. I live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania (about an hour from West Chester, PA). Is that where you are from or is it another West Chester? There is a ton of stuff to do in LI. Ya know, I would probably go out by myself if I really wanted to go out and FH was away. I guess that is not really safe, but if you are careful about it. FH hates it when I do that, but sometimes you have to live too. Rent a good movie, eat your favorite treat, get out the spa treatments, and call some girlfriends from home when he's away. You will feel better than if you just sat on the sofa waiting for him to get back.

Good luck and just remember, guys can be idiots. They don't mean to be. They still love us, but that is the way they are born.

---

Posted by beachprincess

Awww!!!!!!!!! He should have texted you or called or something. Usually my FH is good about calling, but I have to admit he sometimes forgets. I get upset when he goes out on his boys only nights. I know I should not get upset, but I think it is because I am stuck at home either doing something that needs to be done or just cannot get a hold of any of my friends to go out.

Don't worry!!!!!!!!! You will make friends in the area. Do you have a job yet in Long Island? Maybe you will make friends there, or maybe at church, or if you get involved with a hobby club.

That is wrong that he is leaving you alone in a new town with nobody to talk to, but he did ask you to come along, right? So, that was nice. It sounds like he did not really want to go without you, but once he got there he started having fun. Maybe it was loud and he could not call you. He could have texted though.

I have to say I would love to move to Long Island. I live in Lancaster, Pennsylvania (about an hour from West Chester, PA). Is that where you are from or is it another West Chester? There is a ton of stuff to do in LI. Ya know, I would probably go out by myself if I really wanted to go out and FH was away. I guess that is not really safe, but if you are careful about it. FH hates it when I do that, but sometimes you have to live too. Rent a good movie, eat your favorite treat, get out the spa treatments, and call some girlfriends from home when he's away. You will feel better than if you just sat on the sofa waiting for him to get back.

Good luck and just remember, guys can be idiots. They don't mean to be. They still love us, but that is the way they are born.

---

You want to move to Long Island?????
Mom

I really hope things get better for you soon! Maybe after some time you won't be as homesick. I'm really nervous about this... FH and I are moving south this summer, we'll know for sure when FH gets the results of his residency match, and I hope I don't hate it... I can see that happening...

---

Posted by MrsG

---

Posted by anamaree77

It does sound like you're being very emotional which is understandable with all the changes going on. When I first moved to NJ with FH it was a HUGE ADJUSTMENT and there were alot of those arguments.

I have to be honest, your position with the text/phone call is unfair. There's no way he could know that you wanted him to call or text and you can't expect him to do what you would have done. I'm sure he would have loved it if you were there but just b/c you weren't there, doesn't mean he was sad and missing you all night. He probably was having a great time and it didn't occur to him, just as simple as that and definitely not a direct offense against you. I have learned over the last few years of living with FH that if I expect him to be a certain way, I WILL be disappointed. He is his own person so don't expect him to do the 'right' thing. oh man have I been down that road!!!!!!!!!

NOW....if you called him repeatedly all night and no answer, now THATS a different story!! Good luck hun & cut that boy some slack.

---

I am sorry, but I completely disagree with this advice. There is a certain amount of consideration someone should have for the person he lives with. What, really, is so hard about a text message? If I don't hear from my fiance in 5 hours, I am worried. If he doesn't hear from me in 2, he is worried. I know that. So I call him. What's so hard?

This is not brain surgery, rocket science, or herculean heroics. It's a F****** text message.

Or is this more of that 'boys will be boys' stuff? We have to reign them in? We have to let them be 12 forever and let them treat us like they treated their mothers at 12?? No. Not in an adult relationship. Disappointment happens. Stupid inconsiderateness should not be on the agenda.

However, if you need to talk to your man, call him, or text him. sitting around 'waiting' for him to do it himself is just as bad as the above. Cause it's more game playing.

---

If you read my response then you would realize that is what I am saying. You can't expect someone to 'know' they should text you. If you want a text then go ahead and text him but don't expect him to read your mind. I'm not saying let him run free. She stated that all this time went by and he wasn't even considerate enough to text or call her when he 'SHOULD HAVE' because he wanted her to go out with him. You can't expect people to just know what you want. Like I said, on the other hand, if you're calling him and he's not responding then THAT is a totally different story.

Just wanted to clarify since your last sentence pretty much verified what I said. I think we're on the same page here.