NWR: Legal Advice related to kids - UPDATE

Just wondering if anyone on here is a lawyer and familiar with child custody laws.

FH has full residential custody of his two children -- but joint custody when it comes to medical, education etc decisions.

I am planning to go to CA next month and want to take FH's 5 year old daughter with me. Considering she lives in my house; I raise her more so than either parent; support her more that either parent etc -- FH is 100% comfortable with me taking her on a vacation.

However, her mother is flipping out and refuses to give permission. Does she actually have to ok it? The custody papers say nothing about the kids leaving the state etc.

Any advice would be helpful. I'm really frustrated at the moment b/c the mother doesnt pay child support or contribute to all the activities I pay for-- in factshe rarely even shows up for their recitals, games etc. She leaves all the heavy duty lifting to me...but then punishes me by not allowing me to do the really fun stuff with the kids (like a vacation)

UPDATE: Thanks everyone for your advice and thoughts. I called family court and they said she cant say no...unless it interferes with her scheduled visitation.

I understand how you are feeling, but having been a single mother I would feel the same as the child's natural mother. Especially since your FH will not be with you. It is a tough situation for everyone, but try and put yourself in her mother's shoes she doesn't want anyone to be her daughters #1 mom she wants that to be her.
To answer your question I believe you do have to have her permission.

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Posted by PeterNina Mom

I understand how you are feeling, but having been a single mother I would feel the same as the child's natural mother. Especially since your FH will not be with you. It is a tough situation for everyone, but try and put yourself in her mother's shoes she doesn't want anyone to be her daughters #1 mom she wants that to be her.
To answer your question I believe you do have to have her permission.

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I do understand how she feels, but to be 100% honest, it's complete jealousy. And her jealousy shouldnt punish me or her child. If she wants to be the #1 mom then she should actually try to be. I am at every single school activity, dance recital, cheerleading competition etc. She doesnt show up for lame reasons...like she didnt have a ride (as if she couldnt walk the 1 mile). Just recently I had a 103 fever and FH had to work...and his daughter had a competition...we asked her to take her daughter...she dismissed it b/c she had plans. I dragged myself there with a 103 fever. That's what a real parent does.

I also arranged for my job to allow me to work from home 3 days a week to provide after school care for the kids...because they can no longer attend the after school program b/c she didnt pay her portion last year. Keep in mind she doesnt work...she could watch the kids herself afterschool if she really wanted to.

And if I am good enough to do everything she isnt doing...shouldnt I be good enough not take the kid on a trip? I'm not having my own kids b/c financially the two I am supporting now is more than enough to handle b/c she doesnt contribute. So I will miss out on taking a child places all because of complete jealousy and her lack of responsibility for her kids.

Sorry to vent...just wanted to make sure the whole situation was understood. If she was a real Mom who actually did everything she could for the kids...I would understand her stance on this. But since she is 100% fine for me to do everything...the vacation shouldnt be the only thing I am not good enough for.

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Posted by FallBride2010

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Posted by PeterNina Mom

I understand how you are feeling, but having been a single mother I would feel the same as the child's natural mother. Especially since your FH will not be with you. It is a tough situation for everyone, but try and put yourself in her mother's shoes she doesn't want anyone to be her daughters #1 mom she wants that to be her.
To answer your question I believe you do have to have her permission.

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I do understand how she feels, but to be 100% honest, it's complete jealousy. And her jealousy shouldnt punish me or her child. If she wants to be the #1 mom then she should actually try to be. I am at every single school activity, dance recital, cheerleading competition etc. She doesnt show up for lame reasons...like she didnt have a ride (as if she couldnt walk the 1 mile). Just recently I had a 103 fever and FH had to work...and his daughter had a competition...we asked her to take her daughter...she dismissed it b/c she had plans. I dragged myself there with a 103 fever. That's what a real parent does.

I also arranged for my job to allow me to work from home 3 days a week to provide after school care for the kids...because they can no longer attend the after school program b/c she didnt pay her portion last year. Keep in mind she doesnt work...she could watch the kids herself afterschool if she really wanted to.

And if I am good enough to do everything she isnt doing...shouldnt I be good enough not take the kid on a trip? I'm not having my own kids b/c financially the two I am supporting now is more than enough to handle b/c she doesnt contribute. So I will miss out on taking a child places all because of complete jealousy and her lack of responsibility for her kids.

Sorry to vent...just wanted to make sure the whole situation was understood. If she was a real Mom who actually did everything she could for the kids...I would understand her stance on this. But since she is 100% fine for me to do everything...the vacation shouldnt be the only thing I am not good enough for.

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Sorry in my book to be #1 mom is for the mom toi have her kids...once you give them even to the father your a not a 'mother' IMHO. My mom struggled with me, she never sent me to live with my dad when they were seperated for a while. These dirty women have nerves to claim rights that they give up in a sense.

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Posted by MrsList09

I don' t think there's anything she can do about it. If FH gave his child permission to go on vacation say, with a family friend, that's within his rights as a parent. Just because it's you doesn't mean those rights change.

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My friend has to get a signed paper from the dad saying he allows his son to travel with the grandmother. So, I don't think that's the case...the crazy lady can turn around and say kidnap.

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Posted by Mrs. Bernabe

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Posted by FallBride2010

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Posted by PeterNina Mom

I understand how you are feeling, but having been a single mother I would feel the same as the child's natural mother. Especially since your FH will not be with you. It is a tough situation for everyone, but try and put yourself in her mother's shoes she doesn't want anyone to be her daughters #1 mom she wants that to be her.
To answer your question I believe you do have to have her permission.

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I do understand how she feels, but to be 100% honest, it's complete jealousy. And her jealousy shouldnt punish me or her child. If she wants to be the #1 mom then she should actually try to be. I am at every single school activity, dance recital, cheerleading competition etc. She doesnt show up for lame reasons...like she didnt have a ride (as if she couldnt walk the 1 mile). Just recently I had a 103 fever and FH had to work...and his daughter had a competition...we asked her to take her daughter...she dismissed it b/c she had plans. I dragged myself there with a 103 fever. That's what a real parent does.

I also arranged for my job to allow me to work from home 3 days a week to provide after school care for the kids...because they can no longer attend the after school program b/c she didnt pay her portion last year. Keep in mind she doesnt work...she could watch the kids herself afterschool if she really wanted to.

And if I am good enough to do everything she isnt doing...shouldnt I be good enough not take the kid on a trip? I'm not having my own kids b/c financially the two I am supporting now is more than enough to handle b/c she doesnt contribute. So I will miss out on taking a child places all because of complete jealousy and her lack of responsibility for her kids.

Sorry to vent...just wanted to make sure the whole situation was understood. If she was a real Mom who actually did everything she could for the kids...I would understand her stance on this. But since she is 100% fine for me to do everything...the vacation shouldnt be the only thing I am not good enough for.

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Sorry in my book to be #1 mom is for the mom toi have her kids...once you give them even to the father your a not a 'mother' IMHO. My mom struggled with me, she never sent me to live with my dad when they were seperated for a while. These dirty women have nerves to claim rights that they give up in a sense.

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I totally agree. My parents are still together..but I know if they had gottent divorced...my mother NEVER would have handed me over. She would have dont whatever she could to keep us and provide a stable life.

The mother obviously has personal issues and reasons for not wanting her duaghter to go with you...jealousy may be one.
I have sent my daughter to Seattle to stay w/ my ex's wife...my ex is in the military so he was in Iraq at the time, but my daughter wanted to see her 1/2 brother. I have no problems with it, I know I am her mother and noone else could ever take my place and i am actually thrilled that she likes her stepmother and feels comfortable with her. I would be upset if she didn't becaus i just want my children to be happy and comfortable..
Since she does have these issues, unfortunately you will have to go through legal channels to be able to take her. has your fiancee tried talking to her? How is the relationship between him and her..and you and her?

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Posted by FallBride2010

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Posted by Mrs. Bernabe

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Posted by FallBride2010

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Posted by PeterNina Mom

I understand how you are feeling, but having been a single mother I would feel the same as the child's natural mother. Especially since your FH will not be with you. It is a tough situation for everyone, but try and put yourself in her mother's shoes she doesn't want anyone to be her daughters #1 mom she wants that to be her.
To answer your question I believe you do have to have her permission.

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I do understand how she feels, but to be 100% honest, it's complete jealousy. And her jealousy shouldnt punish me or her child. If she wants to be the #1 mom then she should actually try to be. I am at every single school activity, dance recital, cheerleading competition etc. She doesnt show up for lame reasons...like she didnt have a ride (as if she couldnt walk the 1 mile). Just recently I had a 103 fever and FH had to work...and his daughter had a competition...we asked her to take her daughter...she dismissed it b/c she had plans. I dragged myself there with a 103 fever. That's what a real parent does.

I also arranged for my job to allow me to work from home 3 days a week to provide after school care for the kids...because they can no longer attend the after school program b/c she didnt pay her portion last year. Keep in mind she doesnt work...she could watch the kids herself afterschool if she really wanted to.

And if I am good enough to do everything she isnt doing...shouldnt I be good enough not take the kid on a trip? I'm not having my own kids b/c financially the two I am supporting now is more than enough to handle b/c she doesnt contribute. So I will miss out on taking a child places all because of complete jealousy and her lack of responsibility for her kids.

Sorry to vent...just wanted to make sure the whole situation was understood. If she was a real Mom who actually did everything she could for the kids...I would understand her stance on this. But since she is 100% fine for me to do everything...the vacation shouldnt be the only thing I am not good enough for.

---

Sorry in my book to be #1 mom is for the mom toi have her kids...once you give them even to the father your a not a 'mother' IMHO. My mom struggled with me, she never sent me to live with my dad when they were seperated for a while. These dirty women have nerves to claim rights that they give up in a sense.

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I totally agree. My parents are still together..but I know if they had gottent divorced...my mother NEVER would have handed me over. She would have dont whatever she could to keep us and provide a stable life.

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Wow just read this.. ITA!!! Ihave full custody of my children.. my ex CHOSE to live across country so his wife's kids could be close to their father... so my kids now have an absentee father... DON'T EVER TELL ME WHAT I CAN AND CAN'T DO WITH MY KIDS!!!!

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Posted by sharivera

The mother obviously has personal issues and reasons for not wanting her duaghter to go with you...jealousy may be one.
I have sent my daughter to Seattle to stay w/ my ex's wife...my ex is in the military so he was in Iraq at the time, but my daughter wanted to see her 1/2 brother. I have no problems with it, I know I am her mother and noone else could ever take my place and i am actually thrilled that she likes her stepmother and feels comfortable with her. I would be upset if she didn't becaus i just want my children to be happy and comfortable..
Since she does have these issues, unfortunately you will have to go through legal channels to be able to take her. has your fiancee tried talking to her? How is the relationship between him and her..and you and her?

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He tried talking to her. She said it wasnt fair to the other child...the other child who doesnt want to go. So he said...ok, I will send them both. And then she still refused. So she has yet to provide a solid reason. She says it has nothing to do with trusting me. So obviously it's jealousy. I wish she would realize in the long run she's only hurting her child. She actually went as far as to tell her daughter that she shouldnt go on planes b/c they crash and then you die! As you can see, we are dealing with something that is dumb as a rock.

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Posted by Alexandra17

You should be able to do it, I work in family court a lot due to my job, he has full custody, if she even tries to throw it in front of a judge and there is verbal and perhaps written consent with your FH there should be no problem.

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I just called family court and they said the same thing. Apparently, she cant say a word unless it interferes with her visitation schedule.

It sounds like he has full physical custody but they have joint legal custody, you explained that to the family court right??

You should still bring a copy of the custody paperwork with you as well as a (notarized?) letter from your fiancee stating your relationship and him giving his permission to take her out of state. I know you're in the right but I wouldn't put it past this woman to report you for 'kidnapping' the daughter and causing all kinds of nonsense for you during your trip. Be prepared! Better safe than sorry