I have this friend who in over the last year and a half have become very close. I try to be very very supportive of her relationship with her bf bc I know that she could do better. He's lied to her a handful of times, is going no where in life and was a dbag years ago when him and I use to be friendly. They have been talking about getting married for about 8 months now and about a month ago they went to go look at rings and SHE ended up buying her own engagement ring and he is paying her back for it. Well this past weekend her mom found out about the ring and told her that if they want to get married now that she would not support it at all. My friend wont tell me why her mom support it all she will say is bc of rumors from years ago that when me and he bf were friends that he was going to propose to me which was complete bs. I know that she is hiding hings from me and I am trying to be a supportive role in her life but its hard when she keeps info from me. So how do you be supportive when there is more to the story then what is going on? I have tried to ask her but I just keep getting a wall and its caused tension between us and I don't want that.
TIA!
cets1290
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Re: NWR: Need friend advice
honestly, just don't ask anything! I have a friend who was dating a total jerk and found that when i showed i wasn't supportive or asked alot of questions that she would get closer to him to like prove me wrong or something.. the day i started showing support and remained neutral everytime she would complain about something he did, she started to break away from him because she felt like it was HER decision and wasn't getting pushed in that direction... not sure if this makes any sense the way i typed it lol, but if you just keep quiet and pretend you are cool with the whole thing, then maybe she will break it off on her own
mrs2014
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Re: NWR: Need friend advice
I think all you can do is continue to be supportive. As the previous poster mentioned, you should probably stop asking questions and stay out of it. This is no longer a causal relationship as your friend is seriously contemplating marriage.
luckyerialc
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Re: NWR: Need friend advice
Posted by cets1290
honestly, just don't ask anything! I have a friend who was dating a total jerk and found that when i showed i wasn't supportive or asked alot of questions that she would get closer to him to like prove me wrong or something.. the day i started showing support and remained neutral everytime she would complain about something he did, she started to break away from him because she felt like it was HER decision and wasn't getting pushed in that direction... not sure if this makes any sense the way i typed it lol, but if you just keep quiet and pretend you are cool with the whole thing, then maybe she will break it off on her own
This!
MrsDtoBe
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Re: NWR: Need friend advice
I wouldn't get involved if I were you. I know you're trying to be a good friend and you have been just by being there to support her. However, it seems a little off to me that she would even suggest buying herself a ring and then have him pay her back.
If it were you, would you have waited until FH could have purchased your ring on his own? I know FH wouldn't even have accepted the idea of taking money from me to buy a ring, nor would I have offered. That's something I think he should have done on his time when he was financially stable enough to do so and it's possible that that's a reason why her mother doesn't support it.
Seems like you're just trying to look out for her but she doesn't want any advice - if it were me, I'd stay out of it and just let her make her own mistakes since she hasn't taken your previous advice.
Good luck!!!
KTF11
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Re: NWR: Need friend advice
Unfortunately, sometimes the best thing you can do is stay quiet. If you truly value this friendship getting in the middle of all that could destroy your friendship. And the truth is, someone won't leave another person just because their friend or mom or whomever told them to. It's something they have to decide on their own. I know I've made my fair share of mistakes and when someone told me not to do something it just pushed me further down that path. Sorry for the crappy situation. Best of luck.
jaycee
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NWR: Need friend advice
If you feel comfortable doing this, you could also just ask her how you can best support her. Tell her that you want to be a supportive friend, and you've gotten the sense that she doesn't want to talk about some parts of her relationship. You can say that you want to make sure she knows you're there for her, which is why you show interest in what's going on with her, but that you don't want to pry, and ask her if she'd prefer that you just didn't go there with questions. That way, she'll know that you're not just backing off because you don't care, but rather respecting her space because that's what she wants.
I know- easier said than done, but at least that way things are out in the open!
Good luck!
haw4
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Re: NWR: Need friend advice
Posted by jaycee
If you feel comfortable doing this, you could also just ask her how you can best support her. Tell her that you want to be a supportive friend, and you've gotten the sense that she doesn't want to talk about some parts of her relationship. You can say that you want to make sure she knows you're there for her, which is why you show interest in what's going on with her, but that you don't want to pry, and ask her if she'd prefer that you just didn't go there with questions. That way, she'll know that you're not just backing off because you don't care, but rather respecting her space because that's what she wants.
I know- easier said than done, but at least that way things are out in the open!
Good luck!
I totally agree with this.
brnnglgn
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NWR: Need friend advice
Thanks everyone. I am just trying to lay low right now and if and when she is ready to talk to me she will. For the past few months I have tried to not ask anything about her relationship unless she brings it up and when she does I try to be as supportive as I can. But it still feels like she is keeping things from me. As one of my friends says she is probably embarrassed about something.
