nwr: omg, moving in together! I'm freaking out here!

So, FH and I were planning on moving in together this coming summer, so we'd have just a few months to adjust before the wedding, but it wouldn't be all old and blah by the time the wedding rolled around in October.

However, more and more I've been itching to get a place. Right now we are both living with our respective parents, and honestly, it's just time!

Ha, as my mother says, I'm 'nesting.'

Well, today one of my coworkers says out of the blue 'oh, by the way, if you know anybody looking for an apartment, I'm renting my apartment.'

He has a basement apartment in his house. One bedroom, newly finished, and he's asking for 1000 a month, including cable and internet - AND he said okay to my pets.

It's a little bit of a longer commute for FH than he wanted... but still! And I think we can definitely get him to come down a little on the rent...

Anyway, I'm getting excited, but REALLY scared... what if FH and I can't handle living together? What if this is just a disaster? And this is the first time for both of us that we'll be living on our own (dorms in college don't count...) what if we mess it up financially or something? What if What if What if What if?

Ack!

of course it could all come to nothing - we could see the apartment this weekend and decide that it won't work, or the guy renting it could decide that we're not right for it, or FH could decide he doesn't want to do that long of a commute...

Ahh! I want to go see it NOW! But maybe it's bad to just rent out the first place you see because it's convenient... I don't know... I've never done this before!

Words of advice girls? What was it like when you and FH first moved in together? What is it like to rent an apartment, period, with or without your FH? Did you freak out like this the first time? Help!

Just relax and enjoy the ride.

It WILL be okay whatever happens.

don't worry- It'll be great!!

compromise compromise compromise

have fun and...

compromise compromise compromise

also don't try to be super fiance...
you both have to share in household responsibilities.

When Fh first moved in with me it was an adjustment. He didn't do anything . I did all the cooking, cleaning and laundry. I also paid for all the groceries and did the shopping. Then I snapped and we got in a fight and now we split everything. So my advice is just make sure you discuss ground rules to begin with. Other than that my only other issue was change in general. But I have always resisted change so it took a little getting used to sharing all my space.

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Posted by ronnysbride

compromise compromise compromise

have fun and...

compromise compromise compromise

also don't try to be super fiance...
you both have to share in household responsibilities.

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well said, completely agree!

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Posted by dplehat
it took a little getting used to sharing all my space.

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Yeah, that will definitely be my problem - I am definitely a person who needs her space - I like having my 'alone time' when I get home from work, and FH doesn't always understand what that means. He tries, and he's getting better... so we'll definitely have to discuss that before we move in!

FH and I moved in together a year and a half ago (before we got engaged) and it's the best decision we've made. BUT it was definitely an adjustment. All of a sudden, there were guy's shoes in my closet and two toothbrushes in my bathroom. We didn't have a joint checking account, so we had to figure out a way to share househod expenses. And all of a sudden I had to call someone if I was going to be late getting home from work. Initially, this was a little... weird.

But you figure these things out. Just make sure that you communicate with each other. (*HINT* If he's the kind that's used to being taken care of, make sure he realizes that you're not his mama. He, too, can learn to clean a bathoom ). And have fun! Remember that you're sharing your lives, not just 800 sq ft of common space. It's a terrific feeling to snuggle with your FH in front of a movie, and then not have to worry about going home afterwards. Because you are home.

Good luck apartment hunting!

edited b/c I can't spell or type today.

FH and I moved in together this past July and I have to admit I went through every emotion both right before we moved and for the first few months of living together. I was excited, scared, nervous, happy, and upset at times. My FH didn't lift a finger either just like one of the other ladies said about theirs. I also snapped about two times which is rare for me, and he now helps out as much as he can since he works really long hours in the city. Neither of us had ever lived on our own before so that was really scary. It's hard when you see those bills come in constantly but it's manageable.

I agree that you have to learn a lot about compromise. FH took forever to unpack his boxes and still has more stuff that he refuses to get rid of so our place is very cluttered. I am learning a lot about give and take. I agree that you need to sit down before hand and lay down the rules of who should do what. We do the laundry together, but I clean the bathroom and he does the dishes. We also alternate cooking. It's scary when you first get on your own and now you are sharing with someone else. I try and get some time for myself by going on walks everyday (also to lose weight for my wedding). I feel much closer to FH than I ever have and now that the initial adjustment has occurred, I love coming home to him and waking up next to him every morning. Take a look at a few places. We looked at many before finding a really great deal on a place. Good luck and let us know how it goes!!

Speaking as an only child, I didn't want to share anything, especially my precious space!!! Living together, like anything else, will always have its ups and downs. And when things are down, you do the only thing you can, build a bridge and get over it. It will be great!!! And my advice is don't sweat the small stuff!!! Best of luck to you!!

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Posted by pauls bride

just do it, it will be so much better to find out now if u can't live together then wait until after ur married

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j

I definitely agree with that! That's why we were going to move in this summer... so we wouldn't be adjusting to being married and adjusting to living together at the same time.

it'll be great!! you'll be amazed at how nice it is to just sit on the couch with him at night and relax in YOUR home together
BUT... i TOTALLY agree with the part about making sure he does his fair share with household stuff! for DH and i, the biggest adjustment after being married wasn't being married... it was being on our own and how many little things there are to do. keeping bills paid, keeping the house straight, grocery shopping, laundry, keeping track of garbage and recycling days, etc etc, etc... its amazing how men just don't GET all of that... so its so important to start off from teh beginning not 'spoiling' him and trying to be the perfect little homemaker fiance. you guys will need to learn together what has to get done and how you will split it up. take it from someone whose been married a year and half already
it will all work out, and you guys will LOVE building your own home together

Dont worry-take a look at it and see what happens. Living together is great!

i agree with all the pp's- enjoy the ride!
i also wanted to add that its so hard to find a nice apmt. that accepts pets, so if you like it then jump on it! it took us forever to find a decent place that would allow my dog.
go for it, you'll be glad you did!!!

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Posted by EastEndBride

i agree with all the pp's- enjoy the ride!
i also wanted to add that its so hard to find a nice apmt. that accepts pets, so if you like it then jump on it! it took us forever to find a decent place that would allow my dog.
go for it, you'll be glad you did!!!

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I know, I'm SO worried about finding a pet-friendly place... actually, his craigslist add says no pets, but one of the nice things about rabbits is that people don't really think of them as 'pets' in the way they do cats and dogs - which is really irritating most of the time, but helpful with landlords! People think 'oh, just a little furry thing in a cage, that won't destroy the apartment or make any noise!' Which isn't entirely true... but close enough. They're well behaved, mostly quiet (unless they start thumping. Yup, like in Bambi. They actually do that! And it's LOUD!), and... well... the mess is only a problem if you have carpeting

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Posted by weddingbunny

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Posted by EastEndBride

i agree with all the pp's- enjoy the ride!
i also wanted to add that its so hard to find a nice apmt. that accepts pets, so if you like it then jump on it! it took us forever to find a decent place that would allow my dog.
go for it, you'll be glad you did!!!

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I know, I'm SO worried about finding a pet-friendly place... actually, his craigslist add says no pets, but one of the nice things about rabbits is that people don't really think of them as 'pets' in the way they do cats and dogs - which is really irritating most of the time, but helpful with landlords! People think 'oh, just a little furry thing in a cage, that won't destroy the apartment or make any noise!' Which isn't entirely true... but close enough. They're well behaved, mostly quiet (unless they start thumping. Yup, like in Bambi. They actually do that! And it's LOUD!), and... well... the mess is only a problem if you have carpeting

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I can't believe they 'thump' like Thumper! That is too cute.
Since they're caged, you could probably sneek them into most apmts anyways... but there was no hiding my dog!

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Posted by EastEndBride

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Posted by weddingbunny

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Posted by EastEndBride

i agree with all the pp's- enjoy the ride!
i also wanted to add that its so hard to find a nice apmt. that accepts pets, so if you like it then jump on it! it took us forever to find a decent place that would allow my dog.
go for it, you'll be glad you did!!!

---

I know, I'm SO worried about finding a pet-friendly place... actually, his craigslist add says no pets, but one of the nice things about rabbits is that people don't really think of them as 'pets' in the way they do cats and dogs - which is really irritating most of the time, but helpful with landlords! People think 'oh, just a little furry thing in a cage, that won't destroy the apartment or make any noise!' Which isn't entirely true... but close enough. They're well behaved, mostly quiet (unless they start thumping. Yup, like in Bambi. They actually do that! And it's LOUD!), and... well... the mess is only a problem if you have carpeting

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I can't believe they 'thump' like Thumper! That is too cute.
Since they're caged, you could probably sneek them into most apmts anyways... but there was no hiding my dog!

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Yup! It's a lot less funny and cute though when one of them decides to have a thumping fit in the middle of the night... there is NO WAY you are sleeping through one of those!
And I might be able to sneak them in... but I prefer to have things on the up and up. I snuck them into my dorm in college (it was apartment style housing), and it was actually kind of stressful at times trying to keep them hidden.

And yeah, it's so hard to find a place where you can have a dog! We were hoping to get one soon, but if we take this apartment, we'll probably just wait until after the wedding when we can use our wedding money for a down payment on a condo or even a house, and then get a dog once we're settled into somewhere.