NWR: Post your favorite Joke (or 2)

I need some new material!

i don't know any jokes.

Hey, they were there in the preview

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Posted by bluegreen08

what gets wetter the more it dries? (i'll post with the answer in a few it nobody gets it)

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going once... going twice... any guesses?

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. 'Put these on,' he said to his wife. She did and they were obviously much too large. 'There's no way I can wear these - they're way too big,' she said. 'Good! Now you know who wears the pants in this family,' replied the husband.

Flustered, the wife removed her panties, and handing them to her husband said, 'Put these on.' The husband looked at the tiny panties and said, 'There's no way I can get into these.' To which the wife replied, 'You're darn right! At least not until you change your attitude!'

A young couple were married and then embarked on their honeymoon. When they returned, the bride ran to the phone and called her mother, who asked, 'How was your honeymoon, dear?' 'Oh, mama!' she replied, 'The honeymoon was so wonderful and romantic...' But then, suddenly she burst out crying and said 'but, mama, as soon as we returned home, he started using the most horrible language... things I'd never heard before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You've got to come get me and take me home. Please mama!'

'Darling, darling,' her mother said, 'calm down and tell me, what words could be so awful?' And, the daughter cried 'please don't make me tell you, mama! I'm so embarrassed - they're just too awful! Just come and get me, please!'

'Oh, darling, you must tell me what has you so upset... tell me these horrible 4-letter words!' Still sobbing, the bride said, 'Oh, mama... words like DUST, WASH, IRON, COOK...!'

One day while a wife was working in her kitchen, a cupboard door came loose and when her husband got home, she asked him to fix it. He told her, 'Do you see the word 'carpenter' written anywhere on this shirt?' She said 'no,' and he went on his way.

The next day while cleaning in the basement, she found the light didn't work. She changed the light bulb and did everything that she could to try to fix it, but it still wouldn't work. When her husband got home, she asked him, 'Honey, do you think you could fix the light in the basement for me?' He simply said, 'Do you see the word 'electrician' written anywhere on this shirt!' She said 'No,' and he went into the living room to relax.

The next day, a pipe in the kitchen began leaking. When her husband got home, she asked him to fix it for her, to which he replied, 'No, do you see the word 'plumber' written anywhere on my shirt?' 'No,' she said, again.

The next day, the husband returned from work and saw that everything was fixed - the pipe, the light, and even the cupboard! He asked her, 'Who fixed all of this?' To which she replied, 'I asked the neighbor to come over and help, and he gladly agreed.'

'Well, how did you repay him for his services?' he asked. 'Well,' she replied, 'he only asked for sex, or cookies.' The husband thought a moment then said 'So what kind of cookies did you bake him?' The wife quickly snapped back, 'do you see 'Betty Crocker' written anywhere on this shirt!'

A man and a woman who had never met before found themselves in the same sleeping carriage of a train. After the initial embarrassment had passed, they both managed to fall asleep - the woman on the top bunk, and the man on the lower.

In the middle of the night the woman leaned over the edge of the bunk and said, 'I'm sorry to bother you, Sir, but I am terribly cold and was wondering if you could possibly pass me another blanket?'

The man looked up with a glint in his eye and said, 'I've got a better idea... why don't we pretend we're married?' 'Why not?!' giggled the woman. 'Good,' he replied. 'Get your own damn blanket!'

One day a man came home to find his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asked her what she was doing and she said, 'I went to the doctor today and he told me that I have the breasts of a 16-year-old girl!'

The husband replied, 'Well, what did she say about your 75-year-old ***?'

To which she replied,
'Honey, your name never came up!!!'

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Posted by luvabul

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. 'Put these on,' he said to his wife. She did and they were obviously much too large. 'There's no way I can wear these - they're way too big,' she said. 'Good! Now you know who wears the pants in this family,' replied the husband.

Flustered, the wife removed her panties, and handing them to her husband said, 'Put these on.' The husband looked at the tiny panties and said, 'There's no way I can get into these.' To which the wife replied, 'You're darn right! At least not until you change your attitude!'

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Posted by bluegreen08

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Posted by bluegreen08

what gets wetter the more it dries? (i'll post with the answer in a few it nobody gets it)

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going once... going twice... any guesses?

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A towel (or a sponge) this is why i need new jokes!

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Posted by luvabul

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking...

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LMAO!

A mother went to visit her son, Paul, for dinner. During the evening, she couldn't help but stare at his beautiful (female) roommate. Seeing his mother's stare, Paul said, 'Ma, I know what you are thinking, but Maria and I are just friends and roommates- nothing else is going on.'

A few days after dinner with Paul's mother, Maria noticed that their sugar caddy was missing. She mentioned this to Paul, who in turn emailed his mother.

Mom:
I'm not saying that you took the sugar caddy, I'm not saying you didn't take the sugar caddy. But the fact remains that the sugar caddy has been missing since you came for dinner.
Love,
Paul

To which his mother responded:

Son:
I'm not saying you are sleeping with Maria and I'm not saying you're not sleeping with her. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the sugar caddy.
Love,
Mom

Gotta pee...

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to
go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, 'These girl nights out have got to
stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home with no panties!!'
>
'That's nothing,' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her
a $$ that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'

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Posted by MIssBridalBliss

Gotta pee...

Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out.
Both were very faithful and loving wives, but they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery.

One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them.

Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business, they proceeded to
go home.

The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, 'These girl nights out have got to
stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst... My wife came home with no panties!!'
>
'That's nothing,' said the other husband, 'Mine came back with a card stuck to her
a $$ that said.....
'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'

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omg LOL!

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Posted by luvabul

A newlywed couple had just arrived in their honeymoon suite. After unpacking, the husband took off his pants. 'Put these on,' he said to his wife. She did and they were obviously much too large. 'There's no way I can wear these - they're way too big,' she said. 'Good! Now you know who wears the pants in this family,' replied the husband.

Flustered, the wife removed her panties, and handing them to her husband said, 'Put these on.' The husband looked at the tiny panties and said, 'There's no way I can get into these.' To which the wife replied, 'You're darn right! At least not until you change your attitude!'

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