nwr: step mom vent

I received a call from my dad last night - he was away on business and he asks 'why didnt you call stepmom for her Easter'
I was so shocked bc I am jewish and celebrate jewish holidays that in all honesty i dont call anyone for easter. So i told him the truth...'i just didnt think of it, I didnt call anyone'. He proceeded to say that everything he does for us (me and my sister) may be from his bank account but she sacrifices for it too and we need to think more. So i said ok and then said wait a minute, did she call me for Passover? He said that is not the point, she is older and deserves respect and you should call her she doesnt have to call you. I basically had no comment and so the conversation switched to something else.

I am still really aggravated by this - why is there a double standard and more importantly while is she a child and complaining to my dad - if you have a problem with me then tell me!!

i am debating on just ignoring it or sending an email today saying sorry i didnt call you for easter, it was nothing personal i just didnt call anyone. It wont happen again...

was it really that bad of me to not call?

I think that since she didnt call you for passover she shouldnt have made a big deal about you not calling her for easter

Im catholic and the only holiday i give a sh!t about ANY one going out of their way to call me for is christmas.

some of these extra holidays are annoying.

I would send that email, but just keep it brief and add a statement like, 'sorry i didnt call you for easter but since I celebrate Passover and it feel around the same time, i got a little wrapped up.'

(basically reminding her that you are not an easter person, and you celebrate something else that she didnt wish you well on)

my honest opinion... I would probably ignore it.
Kinda silly the way she went about this and you dont even celebrate the holiday!

I would ignore. I think it was odd for her to get upset that you didn't call. I don't expect people to call me for every holiday. Honestly, the only time I call for an occasion is for engagements, preganacies, births, and birthdays. I can't see apologizing for something you weren't wrong about not doing.

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Posted by NYtherapist

I would ignore. I think it was odd for her to get upset that you didn't call. I don't expect people to call me for every holiday. Honestly, the only time I call for an occasion is for engagements, preganacies, births, and birthdays. I can't see apologizing for something you weren't wrong about not doing.

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ITA

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Posted by ColliMac23

Call her and just say you didn't think it was a big deal you are sorry but she should have called you for passover. You get respect by giving it.

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This

I'm going to take the other side and say I understand where your dad is coming from. My family is like that. You respect your elders. YES, your stepmom should have called you for passover, it would have been nice. But in my family culture, the kids have to be the ones to call. Also, in Catholicism, Easter is the single more important holiday, while Passover is a major holiday, but not the biggest. She also might not even realize what Passover is.

I get annoyed but for example, my uncle never calls to wish me a happy birthday, but I'm expected to call him. It's just the culture of the family.

I think if you reach out to her and say you're so sorry for not calling her on Easter, you were so busy wrapped up in PAssover, she might get the hint, and it might also be the first step toward better relations between the two of you in the future.

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Posted by HSsweethearts

I'm going to take the other side and say I understand where your dad is coming from. My family is like that. You respect your elders. YES, your stepmom should have called you for passover, it would have been nice. But in my family culture, the kids have to be the ones to call. Also, in Catholicism, Easter is the single more important holiday, while Passover is a major holiday, but not the biggest. She also might not even realize what Passover is.

I get annoyed but for example, my uncle never calls to wish me a happy birthday, but I'm expected to call him. It's just the culture of the family.

I think if you reach out to her and say you're so sorry for not calling her on Easter, you were so busy wrapped up in PAssover, she might get the hint, and it might also be the first step toward better relations between the two of you in the future.

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this! sometimes its easier to just zip the lip, give them what they want and show respect to the elders. Its better than starting a fight over something so small

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Posted by HSsweethearts

I'm going to take the other side and say I understand where your dad is coming from. My family is like that. You respect your elders. YES, your stepmom should have called you for passover, it would have been nice. But in my family culture, the kids have to be the ones to call. Also, in Catholicism, Easter is the single more important holiday, while Passover is a major holiday, but not the biggest. She also might not even realize what Passover is.

I get annoyed but for example, my uncle never calls to wish me a happy birthday, but I'm expected to call him. It's just the culture of the family.

I think if you reach out to her and say you're so sorry for not calling her on Easter, you were so busy wrapped up in PAssover, she might get the hint, and it might also be the first step toward better relations between the two of you in the future.

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I do understand the respect thing, but I do call her randomly with no reason at all other than to say hi! So yes I forgot the holiday and maybe I was wrong in doing that however # 1 (i may sound really ignorant here but ill be honest)... up until my convo with my dad (who is jewish) i did not know that Easter was the most imp holiday...i thought Christmas was. And #2 - the most aggravating part is that she does not celebrate it! they NEVER go to church, and when i asked what they did for easter he said they ordered in chinese food! She is by no means religious so it seems odd for her to get upset about this imo

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Posted by pjc92980

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Posted by HSsweethearts

I'm going to take the other side and say I understand where your dad is coming from. My family is like that. You respect your elders. YES, your stepmom should have called you for passover, it would have been nice. But in my family culture, the kids have to be the ones to call. Also, in Catholicism, Easter is the single more important holiday, while Passover is a major holiday, but not the biggest. She also might not even realize what Passover is.

I get annoyed but for example, my uncle never calls to wish me a happy birthday, but I'm expected to call him. It's just the culture of the family.

I think if you reach out to her and say you're so sorry for not calling her on Easter, you were so busy wrapped up in PAssover, she might get the hint, and it might also be the first step toward better relations between the two of you in the future.

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I do understand the respect thing, but I do call her randomly with no reason at all other than to say hi! So yes I forgot the holiday and maybe I was wrong in doing that however # 1 (i may sound really ignorant here but ill be honest)... up until my convo with my dad (who is jewish) i did not know that Easter was the most imp holiday...i thought Christmas was. And #2 - the most aggravating part is that she does not celebrate it! they NEVER go to church, and when i asked what they did for easter he said they ordered in chinese food! She is by no means religious so it seems odd for her to get upset about this imo

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People only THINK Christmas is the most important Holiday because of all of the commericalism, but Easter is what our religion is all about.

it's a LITTLE bit like how everyone knows about a minor holiday called Hanukkah that gets blown up huge in December, but don't know as much about the high holy days.

My Jewish Fiance and I were at church 5 days during last week, and at a Seder, so there was not chinese food involved. Even though she's not religious, I'd still swallow my pride a little and give them what they want. It really doesn't hurt you and can go a long way in the future.

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Posted by HSsweethearts


People only THINK Christmas is the most important Holiday because of all of the commericalism, but Easter is what our religion is all about.

it's a LITTLE bit like how everyone knows about a minor holiday called Hanukkah that gets blown up huge in December, but don't know as much about the high holy days.

My Jewish Fiance and I were at church 5 days during last week, and at a Seder, so there was not chinese food involved. Even though she's not religious, I'd still swallow my pride a little and give them what they want. It really doesn't hurt you and can go a long way in the future.

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I guess you are right...i just dont know if ignoring it or confronting her would be better.
Its just odd that of all times she decides to get mad about this now...they have been married for 10+ years and we NEVER called for easter and she decides she wants to make a fuss over it now

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Posted by pjc92980

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Posted by HSsweethearts


People only THINK Christmas is the most important Holiday because of all of the commericalism, but Easter is what our religion is all about.

it's a LITTLE bit like how everyone knows about a minor holiday called Hanukkah that gets blown up huge in December, but don't know as much about the high holy days.

My Jewish Fiance and I were at church 5 days during last week, and at a Seder, so there was not chinese food involved. Even though she's not religious, I'd still swallow my pride a little and give them what they want. It really doesn't hurt you and can go a long way in the future.

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I guess you are right...i just dont know if ignoring it or confronting her would be better.
Its just odd that of all times she decides to get mad about this now...they have been married for 10+ years and we NEVER called for easter and she decides she wants to make a fuss over it now

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i would just ignore it this year and try to remember to call her next year, if only to avoid any problems.

are you sure it was your step mom who was upset and not your dad?