NWR Tragedy - need advice

NYCMeghan Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:28 AM

NWR Tragedy - need advice

Hi Ladies -

I rarely come on LIW anymore as I've been kind of swept up with other things the last few weeks, but something has arisen and I need advice.

One of our groomsmen died this weekend, and while I'd rather not go into the details, I do need some wedding advice. My FH is obviously taking this very hard, but insists that he wants to ask another friend to stand in as a groomsman and replace our friend that will not be with us. I told him to sit and wait on making any final decision.

I'm worried that later on he might be angry with himself for 'replacing' our friend. I want us to honor our friend, and I'm not sure the best way to do that either. I want FH to do what is best for him, and I suppose he has to make that decision, but I want to support him as best I can.

This is a really awful time. Our wedding is five weeks away, and this friend of ours was such a big part of both of our lives. I want to be strong for my FH, but I am a mess inside. How are we going to get through this? I know we will, but it just seems so impossible.

Bebalina Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:31 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

Oh I am soooo sorry to hear that...definetly have FH sit and wait to make that decision....

I dont know what else to tell you but I'm soo sorry for your loss...

ikasse02 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:34 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

Oh my god, I am sooo sorry.

It depends on why he wants to replace him - there are uneven bridal parties all the time, so to be even doesn't need to be a reason.

I'm sure there is a really significant way to honor him. Maybe have the unpaired bridesmaid carry something of significance to your lost friend. Were they also friends?

Just take some time to let things settle in. It must seem very surreal right now...decisions can be made the last second so don't feel the need to rush into making decisions!

Sorry for your loss...

bluetank Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:34 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. That is truly terrible. How did he pass away if you dont mind me asking. I think that FH should wait on asking someone else to step in. I think it makes more of a statement to leave it the way it is and acknowledge him at the wedding. Just try and be strong for FH. It must be so hard for you to try and get through this right now. You guys will get through it though and have a beautiful wedding. But I think that the bridal party spot was for him and it should stay that way instead of filling it in. But that is just my opinion and i know i might think otherwise if it was me in this situation. Just be there for each other and you wil get through it.

BCTM33 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:34 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I feel terrible for your loss. Perhaps you should wait a week or so to make a decision about replacing the GM and concentrate on yourselves. I'm sure whatever you decide will be fine.

AFB10304 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:34 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

it's really terrible to hear things like this. i'm very sorry for your loss.

are you close to other members of this person's family?

070502 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:37 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I wouldn't replace.

Dh was supposed to be in his cousin's wedding right after 9-11, but since he was in the USAF he was having trouble getting leave. His cousin told him if he couldn't make it then fine but to know that no one could ever replace him and a seat would be left for him.

Needless to say Dh was able to get leave and went to the church straight from the airport.

Unless it is the bm or MOH I would leave a seat for them. He will be there in spirit.

Jmg11 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:38 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I am so sorry for your loss.
ALthough your wedding day will be a little sad with his not being there- the best thing you can do to honor him - is have a beautiful day full of a lot of happiness and love.

Corduroy94 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:38 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I'm so sorry to hear this. I agree, I would wait a little while - even if its only a week or two. See how you feel about an additional GM then. I wish you all the best during such a sad time.

james'pokey Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:39 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I am so sorry about your friend. I think that if your FH feels that he need to find another groomsman to make him happy, then that is what he should do. I don;'t think the new groomsman will be 'replacing' your friend but he will be filling in a hole that may be a constant reminder of your sadness. Good luck!

endlessluv429 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:51 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

omg-I am so very sorry for your loss. that is just horrific. I think you were correct in telling him to wait to make the decision so later on it isn't seen as a rash one-but I don't think you should replace him. plus-how would that person feel standing in this guy's place---you only chose him because of a horrible tragedy......I don't mean to be harsh, just trying to see the other side

i'll be praying for you guys!

1017Bride Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:53 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

First let me mention how sorry I am . I can't imagine how difficult this is for you guys. Just to let you know I wish you all the best!

chichila15 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:55 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

OMG, I'm soooooo soooooo sorry about this.
All I can offer is .

IMO, I wouldn't replace.

DebsNY Posted: Aug 17, 2004 10:59 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

i'm sorry sorry about your loss... what a terrible thing to happen. I wouldn't replace him though. You can always have to girls walk down with one guy... which is what we're going to do.

My thoughts are with you during this difficult time...

nylibride Posted: Aug 17, 2004 11:02 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I am so sorry for your and your fiance's loss. I'm sure this is a really difficult time for both of you. There's no one right answer for what he should do about the groomsman situation. If he does ask someone else, maybe you can suggest another way for him to honor his friend during your ceremony or on your program.
Again, I'm sorry you both are hurting at this time.

eogara Posted: Aug 17, 2004 11:27 AM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I am so sorry! I cannot even imagine what you guys are going through right now. I personally would not replace him but if you do, I think that afb10403's idea of having someone in his family be the 'replacement' is a good one.

BriBri529 Posted: Aug 17, 2004 12:06 PM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

I am so sorry . . .

Is it at all possible to fill his spot with a family member of his? I don't know- that is a tough call. My prayers go out to you both!!!

Bunnymonkey Posted: Aug 17, 2004 12:08 PM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

i wouldn't replace him, but you have to do what will make you two feel the best. For that, you need to wait and sit and breathe and really meditate on what you want. THere is no rush- a tux can be ordered the week before if you need to. Don't feel pressured to make a decision yet. Just grieve him first.

lorsin Posted: Aug 17, 2004 12:11 PM

Re: NWR Tragedy - need advice

Everyone grieves very differently. If your FH feels the best thing is to have someone else stand in, then that is what you should do. I do agree in your asking him to think it over a little more though.

Maybe it will be less painful for him if there is someone there instead of an empty spot.

So sorry you have to go through this. I'm sure it's made things very difficult right now. Stay strong.