NWR Tragedy - need advice

I am so sorry for your loss!!! My sympathies go out to you, your FH and your families!



I agree with you that you might want to hold off on making any final decisions on this for the time being. Also consider some memorial elements you can add to your ceremony and/or reception such as candle lightings, speeches, photos, etc.

Without knowing the details of your FH's friend death, I would have to say that I would not replace him. Your FH may have his reasons ..... You need to speak to FH and find out where he is coming from. Talk to him about how you feel about it and make a decision together.

I'm really sorry. It will all work it self out.


Jenn

That is terrible. I'm so sorry. I like the idea of the bridesmaid holding something in his honor or a family member.

Not exactly related but this story might help:
My sister was killed in a car accident 3 days before my FH was to be in a wedding party. I told him to take a friend to the wedding, in case he needed someone. He said he'd rather I be missed. Not that a friend would replace me, but it wouldn't be the same if he took someone else insted of me. To this day, I still think he made the right choice not to bring someone else.
I think your GM should be missed. Its not as if he flaked out on you.
I'm getting a memorial candle for my sister (and FH's dad who also passed away) for the ceremony. Maybe you can get one too- I got mine from www.printedcandle.com or www.thepritnedcandle.com. I forget the website.

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Posted by 070502

I wouldn't replace.

Dh was supposed to be in his cousin's wedding right after 9-11, but since he was in the USAF he was having trouble getting leave. His cousin told him if he couldn't make it then fine but to know that no one could ever replace him and a seat would be left for him.

Needless to say Dh was able to get leave and went to the church straight from the airport.

Unless it is the bm or MOH I would leave a seat for them. He will be there in spirit.

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I agree, the best way to honor his memory is to leave the spot unfilled.

Im so sorry to hear about this...My advice if it were me would be not to replace him, not that you could anyway , replace someone you lose, but I think Fh might get more upset as well...But its a very personal decision..

I wish you both peace! Stay strong!

I am so sorry for your loss. I agree with the other ladies that you shouldn't replace him.

I think you should also post this situation on Newlyweds and NWR as I remember someone else going throught this. I think it was Kathy116.

Keep your chin up and remember that you now have an angel watching over you.

I wouldn't replace.....

Maybe have the lone bridesmaid carry a lit memory candle?

I don't think I'd replace him...

best wishes!

i am so sorry for your loss id probably say not to replace him, or at least have fh think about it longer.

I am so sorry for your loss

Please have your FH sit on this and not make a rash decision. I would suggest not 'replacing' his groomsman at all, but of course the decision is up to the two of you.

I am so sorry for both of you and everyone who's life he touched. I am sure it will be even more difficult to deal with emotions o your wedding day. And that is why I would not replace him with someone else, for several reasons:

First, I feel honoring his memory is by leaving his place empty. Double two BM with one GM, but do not fill his place with just another friend.

Secondly, you need to think of the new groomsmen feelings. How would he feel knowing he was only asked to be in the wedding party because of a tragedy? If it were me, I would not feel comfortable. I would feel that if you both had wanted to ask me, you would have from the beginning. You might instead hurt that person's feelings.

Thirdly, If your FH feels the need to have someone else in his place, I would only consider it if his friend who passed away had a brother. In other words, you are still honoring his presence by having someone from his immediate family step in his place.

Forth choice, asking your FH father to stand in his friends place. Naturally if he is an option. His dad could be there for moral support throughout a difficult time.

As far a honoring his friend. I would do two things. I would have a memory candle for him during the ceremony. And perhaps a general prayer blessing your new life and marriage together, and then a separate prayer for him.

Hope this may be of some help. Just want to give you different ways of looking at the situation. Best wishes to both

i am so sorry for your loss

i also think it would be best to leave his spot unfilled in his memory. if you'd really like to fill it, though, i think having one of his family members in his place would be a nice gesture.

my heart goes out to you

so sorry

Im so sorry for oyur loss. My prayers are with the two of you.


Advice... um thats a tough one I would sit on it for a bit and see how you feel the like you said....

i am so sorry for your loss...it is so hard to have to go through this at ANY time, and even harder in a time where you want to feel so happy.

i think whatever you guys decide to do will be the right thing. IMO i agree with the others though that say that this GM is irreplaceable and you should honor his memory in some way, but not feel as though you have to replace him

I would not replace him. He will be there in spirit. I now, how hard it is during this time of your life. But, just leave a spot open for him.

Good Luck.