NWR: UPDATE! Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
Sandradv121
Posted:
Member since
NWR: UPDATE! Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
So my 26 yr old friend was seeing this younger guy (23) for like 6 months. Fh and I have met him several times, and I have to be honest, I am not very impressed with his behavior, and neither is FH... but thats not the problem. My friend caught the douche bag in a lie a few weekends ago ( the typical douche bag lie... Goin to bed but really went out with his boys...jerk). So she broke up with him (smart girl right?)... well she is devasted! For weeks now we tried everything to cheer her up and make her feel better, but I think its the fact that she got lied to that is burning her. So this morning, I get a text from her that she think she is not pretty and she doesn't want to eat... and I'm like are you that stupid?????? She's far from that... the girl is beautiful. So after I call her and she answers hysterically crying I told her that we need to have a long talk about this little situation, but the thing is, she is convinced that he may come back. Truth is my other friend talked to him ( i think through facebook... that evil thing) and he said he just wants to be with his 'boys'... So how do I get her to cut the crap and eat... and I know you can't magically make someone realize that she is better than that, but can anyone suggest something I can say to her to make feel like she is pretty and that the douche bag is just that, a douche bag... Help!
UPDATE: ok so she is eating. Praise the lord. Only b.c I literally laced into her about what happened to me and it must've got to her. I dunno. She has no choice but to get through this mess b/c he is plain and simply not worth it. I told her to have a freedom party and live it up b/c you only have 1 life and to dwell on loser like that is not worth time or energy. I'll let you know progress but she really needs to realize he is a LOSER.... i can't spell it out to her any more than I did.... Thanks for the advice ladies!!!!
JillandJoe
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
as sad as this sounds.. i think she is going to just have to deal in her own time...when I used to get screwed over by a guy I would be devastated and my friends could be supportive, but I needed to be ready to start taking care of myself again.
i say continue to be there for her, but she will need to come around on her own time...jmo
goodluck!!
Sandradv121
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
You are absolutly right, but she needs to eat. I won't tolerate that (long personal story... another time for sure)...I'll force food upon her.... Be like ' EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT'
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
I don't know what to say, thats absurd for her not to be eating. Not to sound mean or anything but some people say things like this for attention. If I was depressed and not eating I wouldn't be advertising it around like that. But who knows...
Soon2bShea
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
Posted by Sandradv121
You are absolutly right, but she needs to eat. I won't tolerate that (long personal story... another time for sure)...I'll force food upon her.... Be like ' EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT'
Maybe take her out to get a massage or spa type of thing and then take her to lunch to talk to her. Whats her favorite type of food?
MrsC2010
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
i agree with stacey....if shes making a point to tell you shes not eating then its probably more about attention. I would just continue to be there for her as a friend and she will feel better eventually.
Jen2525
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
aww i'm sorry she's dealing with that. I would maybe take her out (like a girls night out) to try to boost her self esteem. She'll probably need some time.....lets hope she's strong enough not to go back to that jerk. Also maybe you know of another guy that might be able to lift her spirits? maybe you and FH can take her out to hang out with some guys you know would treat her good.....just another option.......
regy_k
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
that sounds like my friend!!!!! OMG could be same person she is gorgeous, thin, dresses with so much style I call her Carry Bradshaw (my friend is also a fashion editor at a mag) and yet she think she's ugly, that her life sux and wants to die. this gets worst whener another a-hole screws her over. and God knows she can pick 'em : dush after dush that use her and mistreat her. the only thing that I do is keep telling her how awesome she is. she doesnt do it for extra attention she really does feel that way - I know her for now 20 yrs. it helps her, and helps her to tell me all these horrible things she does/thinks about her herself. but until she changes her attitude and frame of mind nothing will help my advice: just be there for her
Sandradv121
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
hmmmm well the thing is when she dumped him ( ) she stopped eating that Monday. I literally was dropping candy bars on her desk at work to get her tempted to eat. She didn't eat all day for like 4 days.
I told her that the truth is that she is afraid of the lonliness that surronds a breakup, but she is fortunate to have Family, friends and her puppy that love her. I mean she was only with the d.bag for 6 months... and he had nothing to offer other than big biceps.. and FH's biceps are bigger than his.... I mean he really had NOTHING to offer... no job, made her pay for everything, laughed at her when she was mad....
Maybe she is looking for attention, but its only negative attention she will get back from everyone.
I don't know, it bums me out that she is like that... it really does, but the truth is I think she needs to get over it... She can have any guy she wants, but she is stuck on D.bag. Its sad. Oh well, someone just handed her little bag of ceral... EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!
little j
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
what if you try a girls night? and invite some girls that dont know her drama....it will take her mind off things and keep the spirit light...get drinks, go get food...have fun
its harder for ppl not to eat ANYTHING around people they dont know very well.
i did this with my friend and it worked (i actually found out that friday night that she hadnt eaten ALL WEEK). but then my other friend came out to meet us...and all of a sudden, the subject changed (cant talk about old drama to a new person) and we all ate and had a nice light-hearted discussion.
she actually wound up meeting a guy that night too (another good distraction)
honestly. this is tough. and if you find out what works. let me know too.
is she a 'relationship' girl? ya kno, the girl that needs to have a guy? cuz that makes any type of breakup even harder....
good luck!
Sandradv121
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
She is totally a relationship person...
little j
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
Posted by Sandradv121
She is totally a relationship person...
yeahhhh..i dont know what is the right thing to say or do....i am dealing with a similar issue. rigth now other male distractions seem to be the best idea.....
but, seriously, if you find a tip that works -- LET ME KNOW!
marinai7
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
I think that no matter what you say to her, she will just do what she feels. No matter how much of an a** he was, she still cared for him and nothing you can say will make her get over him sooo quickly. I think she needs some time to get over him. About the food issue, that's a problem. My suggestion would be to go out to dinner or something with her, have her over for dinner and you can cook. Hope this helps and hope she realizes that she is only hurting herself by not eating.
JillandJoe
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
Posted by Sandradv121
You are absolutly right, but she needs to eat. I won't tolerate that (long personal story... another time for sure)...I'll force food upon her.... Be like ' EATTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT'
Im not going to get into specifics either, but...i have lost a family member who died from terrible axorexia, basically killing herself by not eating...so I get it, but she is an adult so you can only do so much. just my opinion
StaceyWill
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
Posted by Jen2525
aww i'm sorry she's dealing with that. I would maybe take her out (like a girls night out) to try to boost her self esteem. She'll probably need some time.....lets hope she's strong enough not to go back to that jerk. Also maybe you know of another guy that might be able to lift her spirits? maybe you and FH can take her out to hang out with some guys you know would treat her good.....just another option.......
ITA!!! Sometimes all it takes is another guy to snap you out of it...I hope she's ok.
scatteredx12
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
That's unfortunate to hear.. You have to help her realize that if this guy was the right guy for her, he wouldn't have even lied to her in the first place, and that she shouldn't waste her time suffering over someone who didn't treat her the way she should have been treated. I know it's difficult for everyone when a breakup occurs, but she has to know that not eating won't make her feel better..it will only make her feel worse..
SoonToBMrsC
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
I just think that all you can do and the rest of her close friends is to try and keep her busy so she's not just sitting home thinking about him 24-7 and analyzing the situation. This is just that 'just recently broke up with boyfriend phase' which always is the hardest and all that she needs is distraction until it passes.
jcreilly
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
Im sorry my friend was in the same place and it took me and our other Bf mths to get her over him ( we made her go out with another guy Lol) well anyway I just found out that she is still speaking with HIM im so mad at her she is a smart women and he is a jerk who is going nowhere she said she is over him but she is not. There really is not much just try to keep her mind off him take her out and just be there for her FH laughs because I live 5 min from her right now but when Im married I will be out of queens and on the island and can not go running over there when he does somthing stupid Which was alot. The thing is there are not too many guys all my really close girlfriends are singel having trouble meeting guys and I think thats why is is so upset for her and my friend they dont no where to meet people and they dont what to be singel and this girls are pretty ,college grad and living on there own ( my friends guy was still at home LOSER) Im so happy that i met Fh!! Just take her out for agirls night with no wedding talk!!! Good Luck
little j
Posted:
Member since
Re: NWR: UPDATE! Ughhh I need to give my friend love advice
good job. my friend has freedom parties in teh city every friday night. let me know if you want me to find out the location this week. usually a lot of ppl come thru (boyssss too) lol
