Call me crazy and too traditional, but am I the only one who thinks it's not OK for a guy to go away with his friends for a week of drinking and partying without his wife after he's married???? This has become a huge issue for FH and I because he's a fireman and thinks it's OK for him to continue his drunken yearly trips to Ocean City, ski trips, weekends in AC, etc after we're married... Anybody else think this is ridiculous??? I can't imagine leaving my husband home to go away with a bunch of single girls to dance on bars and drink like a fish....What do I do?????? This is gonna be a huge issue for me once we're married...
AngnShaun
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage
Sorry maria I would tend to agree with him ... i dont think its that big of a deal for him to still go on trips with his friends...
DaniandKen2010
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
A night yes maybe a weekend if its golfing or business a week H E L L no!
little j
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
i think it depends on you guys. and how you feel. i think trips separately are fine. i know my FH would rather us be together tho. so i think it just depends the couple
MrsC2010
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
Posted by AngnShaun
Sorry maria I would tend to agree with him ... i dont think its that big of a deal for him to still go on trips with his friends...
i agree too. just because your married you should still be able to do things with your friends. As long as he is just hanging and drinking with the guys not doing anything inappropriate i dont see why he can't go. I know I would love to do girl trips even after I am married!
AdriandSteve
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
I think it's kinda ok but he CAN'T go away as much as he used to. Like one trip a year is ok. But numerous, nope.. that aint happening.
RGEC47
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
FH and I have the same problem. He has this friend that I cannot STAND, he has been married for approx 5 years but still acts like he is single. So his freind still goes out and parties and has weekend long trips with the buddies, the latest is that his friend is planning a trip to Brazil next year for the World Cup, so you know what i said to FH Here are my issues: A. his friend is slimy so it makes me very uncomfortable and B. I agree with you, once we are married it is the TWO of us having a life together not acting like we are still single and excluding the other one from little trips. A dinner with the guys or a beer after work is one thing but this whole going away is just ridiculous.
christine2010
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
FH & i have always gone away with either friends or family separately. i think its perfectly fine before & after you are married.
however, after a recent trip to Canada with his friends, FH made a point to say that he will no longer go away for an extended period of time without me. mainly because he didn't like rooming with his friends because they are slobs. i always keep everything nice & neat. it was nice to feel appreciated. so i will be going to Canada with FH & his friends next August however, i will not spend every moment with the guys. currently none of the guys date so i will be the only girl going. i already told FH that when they are spending time at the comic convention i will find something else to do.
although us going together means its a bigger expense for us & for all the guys. so we took that into consideration & asked the guys if they don't mind. of course they all love me & where happy i was thinking about going.
bottom line: its really between you & FH. my brother & SIL never do anything apart & i personally think it hurts their marriage. yes, they have three kids but i think that if they can get out of each others hair once in a while they would have a happier & healthier marriage. JMO
SoonToBMrsC
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
Girlfriend i'm with you 110% and I think coming from an italian family made us that way (i'm assuming that your italian because you look it) but no I don't think it's appropriate for a husband to be taking trips like that especially for a week while his wife is home and he's acting like a bachlor. I would never do that as a wife, but like I said thats just the way I was brought up so I totally agree and understand where your coming from.
marinai7
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
I am very independent and agree that you should spend time away from each other. BUT going away for a week and getting drunk with his friends would NOT be okay with me. I am not jealous at all and trust him completely, so it has nothing to do with that, but going away for weeks during the year with his friends would not sit well with me.
I think it definitely depends on the couple. FH and I have our days where we meet up with our friends separately but when we want to go away, we go away together. We feel that even though we live together, we would love to go away together to spend some alone time together, away from work and chores, etc. FH goes away for 1 weekend a year with his friends to go skiing - it's a tradition of theirs and that is fine. This is JMO and this works for us.
nell1279
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
Sorry but I don't agree either. I have always been very independent and refused to be with anyone who was too controlling so I would never look to do that to someone else. I don't want FH to go away for long periods of time without me but if he wants to go with his friends for a few days to AC, I have no problem with that. If I wanted to go out with my friends for the weekend or even a week and he said no it would definitely cause a major fight so I can't expect him to go by different rules than me.
StaceyWill
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
Posted by DaniandKen2010
A night yes maybe a weekend if its golfing or business a week H E L L no!
ITA!!!
Maria5117
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
I don't know. I respect everyone's opinion, but for me, it's not a matter of being dependent, controlling or mistrusting, it's a matter of being respectful to the person that you married. If a bunch of single guys are going away to get pass-out drunk and crazy at the bars and hook up with girls, then my husband has no business being there... I trust him 100% and I know he would never do anything like that, but I find it disrespectful to me for him to be in that kind of environment. If he wants to go out on a Saturday night with a group of his friends, that's one thing.... but drunken weeks of paryting in Cancun are a thing of the past... at least in my house....
thanks ladies!
xoxo maria
kris_gets_hitched
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
I don't think there's anything wrong with taking separate vacations with friends. In fact, when FH and I started dating, I told him that he'd have to be alright with the fact that I go away not only with friends but with a particular GUY friend. At first he was a little weary, but then he met my friend and was cool with it. I told him that I've been friends with this person since we were 15 and while he's always been there for me, there are absolutely no feelings there. Needless to say, FH and I have taken vacations together and vacations separately and it works for us. It all depends on the couple, bottom line.
Nina1010
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
Posted by kris_gets_hitched
I don't think there's anything wrong with taking separate vacations with friends. In fact, when FH and I started dating, I told him that he'd have to be alright with the fact that I go away not only with friends but with a particular GUY friend. At first he was a little weary, but then he met my friend and was cool with it. I told him that I've been friends with this person since we were 15 and while he's always been there for me, there are absolutely no feelings there. Needless to say, FH and I have taken vacations together and vacations separately and it works for us. It all depends on the couple, bottom line.
I am on board with this. We have separate vacays also. His family lives in FL and often goes there to see his brothers...who like to party, but are married as well. It doesn't bother me and I just can't take off that much. I go away with the ladies for wknds though. I wouldn't describe either of our wknds as drink binges at all. just sep, vacations and most of the times now we go as a group with hubbies and kiddies in tow.
20mrsc10
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
i agree with fh..im sorry.. also because i go on 3-4 vacations a year by myself without fh, and i dont really want to give these up-i enjoy my time by myself/without him
i was thinking more about it-i forgot to mention that i told fh i was deserting him about 2 weeks after we get back from the hm to go to texas for 2 weeks..and i go out with friends and stuff down there..the only compromise was that i originally wanted to go for 3.5 weeks
Jna2010
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
yeah um definitely not! he can do a night out with the guys, *maybe* a short weekend trip to AC but he's definitely not gonna peace out for a week... we really dont even do it now, just a girls/guys night out every once in a while
Jna2010
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
Posted by Maria5117
I don't know. I respect everyone's opinion, but for me, it's not a matter of being dependent, controlling or mistrusting, it's a matter of being respectful to the person that you married. If a bunch of single guys are going away to get pass-out drunk and crazy at the bars and hook up with girls, then my husband has no business being there... I trust him 100% and I know he would never do anything like that, but I find it disrespectful to me for him to be in that kind of environment. If he wants to go out on a Saturday night with a group of his friends, that's one thing.... but drunken weeks of paryting in Cancun are a thing of the past... at least in my house....
thanks ladies!
xoxo maria
i completely agree with you girlie, thankfully me and fh are on the same page with this
FutureCap
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
I don't see anything wrong with them going on sepearate vacation before or after. I think as long as you trust each other there should not be anything to worry about. Also, I think it would really suck if Fh had to go on his bach party alone since all his friends are married already (if they were not allowed to go!). I actually think that once you have kids if you don't have people willing to watch them for you both to go away once or twice a year, you might want to go girl/boy wknds so that you get to have a short vacation with no responsibilies!
halfbaked
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Re: NWR: vacationing after marriage... HELP
A week is a bit much to do EVERY year. I kind of think he should have his own space. Personally, I enjoy my time alone when FH is away for the weekend or something.
