NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

A few weeks ago I was upstate at my mom's...I caught on to a few comments and then things started coming off the registry...Last night FH was on the phone w/ his mom and was acting weird/couldn't answer questions...he also insists on coming home w/ me for Thanksgiving, I just want to be with my mom for the holiday...

Well, last night I was like 'the shower is then isn't it?'...I flipped out...literally....I don't want a shower...the thought of it makes me sick...since my father passed away I've been having anxiety attacks when I'm with more than 4 or 5 people. i really dread this. SO...FH emailed my mom saying I was upset...i had to then email my mom and explain my side....

I haven't heard back. I feel terrible...I feel like I'm ungrateful....fact is, I cannot handle a shower now. I know they all think they're being nice but I'm not up to it.. at all.

I feel like a horrible person.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

hun, you have been through so much and stayed so strong....it isnt ungrateful its honest.....do what ever it is you need to do for you and know that in your heart its the best thing for you !

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

You are NOT a horrible person, you've been through alot and it's expected that you have some of those feelings when it comes to things related to your wedding. Losing your father is not something small and if you explain those feelings to your mom I'm sure she'll understand. You're not bein ungrateful but you should still want and have a shower, you deserve one. I'm sure you're dad would want you to have an amazing shower and wedding and I'm not sure if you believe in things like this but I think he will be with you on both occasions.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

Thanks girls....

I cannot imagine the shower without having trouble breathing, chest pain and getting sick to my stomach.

I also don't think it's fair as my BMs are all over the US.

I just don't want it. No one gets it either...

BUT I'm more concerned that I hurt my mom. I think this was a positive outlet for her....and I shot it down.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

You definitely deserve a shower! With anxiety the 'what if' is always so much worse than what actually happens. I'm sure once you were there you would have a great time with all of your friends and family.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

You're not a horrible person!!!!! You are entitled to the feelings you are having right now. I think you and your mom are both in a weird situation. She probably wants to make things as semi-normal as possible since your dad's passing. She is probably (I'm assuming) trying to make your wedding experience as good as she can's considering the circumstances. My mom is throwing me mine and I have already voiced my feelings about certain people being invited-that were close to my dad. She feels they should be invited and I feel that it will make it too hard for me. You have to respect that they are trying their hardest to do what is best for us and to try and make your wedding experience as positive as it can under the unfortunate circumstances. I wouldnt ask her to cancel things- I think this is something you should try to do but maybe you can set some small boundaries to make things easier on that day. Just remember that these people care for you and want to spend this day with you. This will also make things easier considering you are going to be seeing them all at your wedding. I would try to talk to your mom and maybe come up a solution but don't cancel your shower. You're entitled to it and you know your dad would want you to have it

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

Don't feel horrible--it seems like you have been through a lot and I am sure if anyone understands it is your mother--I don't think you are going to hurt her feelings--as long as you explain the situation, I am sure she will be ok with it

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

Maybe the shower would be good for you.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

I think the shower would be a great thing for you! Maybe not a huge shower- but with close family & friends to not only take your mind off it... but have what you deserve!!!

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

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Posted by kimNanthony

You definitely deserve a shower! With anxiety the 'what if' is always so much worse than what actually happens. I'm sure once you were there you would have a great time with all of your friends and family.

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i agreee - and its good practice for the wedding - there will be a lot more people at the wedding right? so at least you'll get to see how you can handle being around a bunch of people.....you should just try to enjoy yourself.....your mom/family/friends are trying to do something nice for you and you should let them! it should be a happy time for you not a sad one....try to enjoy it if it happens

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

You deserve a shower, know that. But if you are not comfortable with one, than let that be known. But also think about it this way... this might be good practice for the wedding
Do what you're comfortable with... dont' worry about hurting people's feelings in this situation.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

You have to do what is best for you, what about a small shower with your close family, like a small dinner or something? hang in there it will all work out i promise!

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

I totally understand. Only you know if you are up to it or not. You are definitely not a horrible person, and everyone will understand if you don't feel up to it. However, what if it was small -- just the people you love? Maybe that would make you feel better, and give your mom something to do. Just an idea. I know I'm not the hugest poster here, but I do know what you are going through, and if you ever need to chat, feel free to FM me.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

Thank you ladies. It might be good prep for the wedding but I really don't think I can handle it...

I feel awful. I still haven't heard from my mom...

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

i don't think you sound ungreatful at all.
yes, you deserve to have a shower, and i'm sure your mom is just trying to 'do right by you'

if you do not want a shower, you don't have to have one.
i know you feel bad about your mom wanting to do it, and you're right, it is probobly a good outlet for her. but if you sit down and talk with her about it, i doubt there will be any hard feelings or that there will be a grudge.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

you're not ungrateful one bit! i have to agree with the other ladies that it could be good practice for the wedding. but you're peace of mind is more important too. if you feel you're not able to handle it, then that's just how it has to be. no one can understand what's going on inside your head and your heart better then you. you gotta take care of you! you're mom just wants you to be happy, her heart is definitely in the right place. i'm sure she will understand.

feel better hun!!!

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

I thought you really wanted a shower but you were afraid that no one would throw it or no one would come?

Colleen, it sounds as if your father passing is really affecting you in ways you didn't think it would. Maybe you should try a grief counselor. You shouldn't ignore how you feel. Let people help you.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

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Posted by LuvMyAlfonse

I thought you really wanted a shower but you were afraid that no one would throw it or no one would come?

Colleen, it sounds as if your father passing is really affecting you in ways you didn't think it would. Maybe you should try a grief counselor. You shouldn't ignore how you feel. Let people help you.

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I thought that would be the case...

and now that it's real, it's too frightening. I was sick all nice last night thinking about it.....

Even though I'm a counselor, I don't want to go to counseling...although, at this point, I better do something...

With the holidays and the wedding so close I'm 100% overwhelmed. Sorry for whining so much girls....

I know this isn't what the boards are for.

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

Re: NWR: Vent : I feel terrible...

this is EXACTLY what these boards are for!

This is my completely unsolicited opinion:

I think you should let them go through with the shower as long as it isnt a surprise and it is not some huge shower. I think you should go to therapy or maybe go to a doctor and explain to them how you are feeling.

I went to a doctor and it changed my life. She gave me a prescription for Xanax. . .I havent even taken ONE but I know once the anxiety starts I have that option and then I calm down.

I was dreading my shower - I had nightmares about it because it was a surprise and I wasn't sure if I would freak out or not.

I WAS surprised - and I went to the bathroom to take my xanax and you know what? I decided to give it a few minutes - and I didn't even need it!!

I am not saying you will have the exact same experience as me but don't think you are crazy for not wanting a shower but DO have faith in yourself that you can get through it - it sounds to me ( as a completely untrained non professional ) that you NEED this shower bc how else are you going to know how you will react at the wedding?

I am so sorry you are going through this